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#377931 - 12/03/11 11:16 AM Re: Better Than Me [Re: Obi]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 707
Loc: NJ
Oh Obi... I do say exactly your words.

Exactly.

Every day.

In fact, I think it surprises him to know that - to know that someone could love him this much. I don't think he ever guessed it. In 17 years together, I think his self-hate has been projected on to me for a long time - if he hates himself, then I must hate him too.

Will he get to a point where he sees me as his partner? Just this morning I said to him that I can do anything, but it would be nicer for both of us if it was HIM & ME v the WORLD rather than HIM v ME.

You are right. I cannot accept being treated with disrespect and disregard. But what are the consequences for that? How do I establish boundaries when I cannot accept the consequences myself?


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#377940 - 12/03/11 11:40 AM Re: Better Than Me [Re: Esposa]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1341
Loc: kansas
you raise some good questions...

i know that, for me, it was very very very difficult to love myself. still have issues with that from time to time. the thought of i was abused, taken advantage of, treated well by the guy who abused me but that it was just grooming me to use for his own selfish desires (whatever those desires might have been).. i was nothing to him...

kids have a way to take any issue that is going on their lives and place it upon themselves... for instance, often but not in all kids, they will blame themselves if their parents are getting a divorce even though it has nothing to do with the kids. they say things like "if i just don't get into trouble." "if i be nice and do what mom and dad tell me" then they won't get a divorce.... grant it, not all kids do that but there have been studies done that show that some kids will do that.. place the blame on themselves..

well, it was the same with me.. when i was a kid i put the blame on myself.. thought i wasn't worthy of love or respect because of being abused... the thoughts of why would anyone love me, i'm not worthy of love, would haunt me for years...

now, for the most part i'm doing a lot better in that i'm starting to love myself and so on.. however, there are times it creeps back in my mind... still a work in progress i guess...

so, with that in mind, i try to see that at least someone is still there for me... hard to remain in that positive light.

i have a friend, that is a brother to me, that used to get so frustrated with me when i used to say things like "why do you even bother hanging around me" "why are you still friends with me" etc... he would get frustrated having to constantly say because he could see in my heart that i was a good guy, with a lot of love to share, compassionate and so on. he was constantly reassuring me... i feel bad that i frustrated him like that. it made him feel like i didn't believe him when he would tell me those things... EVENTUALLY it started to sink in with me that he truly loved me like a brother and that he wasn't going anywhere. that he saw in me, the real me, not the person that was abused. he, somehow, was able to look past my issues of self esteem problems to see the true person that i am...

it's been a long time since i've questioned him like that... he's noticed the changes that are happening because i've been committed to my recovery... he's now very proud of me that i'm starting to see myself the way he's always seen me....

i know this probably doesn't help you... i really wish i knew what to say or do to help you... hopefully, someday it will sink in with your husband too.... here's praying for you...

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#377950 - 12/03/11 12:47 PM Re: Better Than Me [Re: Obi]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 707
Loc: NJ
Thank you Obi wink You inspire.


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#377954 - 12/03/11 01:10 PM Re: Better Than Me [Re: Esposa]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1341
Loc: kansas
thanks esposa... i appreciate that...

more than you may realize... smile

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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