Well, I, with the help of my terrific wife, made another major decision over this anniversary weekend.
I have not only decided that I'm going to write my mother, but I have written it and it will be in the mail today. Here's what I wrote:
(I use her first name here):
"I cannot be in contact with you anymore until further notice from me if there is to be any. All I can say is in the 18 months or so since the last time you were here, and since our last letters, I have remembered things about my past and about our relationship that I am trying to deal with thru therapy. An attempt at any further explanation, I believe, would be pointless & hurtful as well. I ask you not to contact me or my family again until I contact you. It is just too painful for all of us.
(I use my first name here)"
This was written, after talking with my wife & my T, in response to a note in a card she sent with a Christmas package for our family. In it she wondered why I was not getting in touch, which I had not done in any way since those last letters, a little over a year ago.
What's interesting is that I was going to send this Saturday, but from out of town, since I don't want my mother to know my current address (the package was forwarded). I had some optional notes written becuz I wasn't sure about this one, even tho my wife thot it was the best one, and I already had it in the envelope.
Well, before going out of town we stopped to pick up our mail in town, and what was there but a note from my mother. What I was getting ready to send her could have been written in exact response to her note, as tho I'd had it in front of me when I wrote it.
So her continued uncaring, unrepentant, manipulative narcissism was reaffirmed in my mind, as was what I was going to send her--exactly what was & still is in the envelope, sealed & headed to the post office shortly.
Wow, things are really hopping here in this neck of the woods!