While communicating in a pm with someone, I suddenly realized something.
Privacy and intimacy are both human needs, and both of these needs get PERVERTED when we are exposed to sexual abuse as children.
I've never quite got this until I just typed it out just now. I have ambivilence towards people I might want to befriend - aside from low self esteem issues, on top of that, i'm being pulled in 2 different directions by inherent human needs - privacy and intimacy.
I suppose when our boundaries are violated the way they are sexually as children, we don't develop our own healthy boundaries to be able to navigate between these polar opposite needs. We never learn to manage these needs and they wind up causing all sorts of havoc internally. How do we navigate through these two needs? How do "normal" people learn to navigate between these two needs?
Thought for food. :P
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.
Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM