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#377693 - 12/02/11 08:46 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 307
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
I'm 56 and only started by treatment about 5 months ago. Time late - 42 years so it's never too late to start. Just look at how far you've come - just getting off the druga and booze is a majour accomplishment.

I've found that after talking about the abuse, the shame and embarrasment will get easier but you'll never completely get over it, but it does get a lot easier.

You have an excellent start by telling your wife. Now you need a therapist trained and experienced in dealing with Male CSA. (S)he will be able to help guide you through the tough times.

It will be a long and bumpy road ahead but you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is very dim at the start. Good luck with it.

_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#377694 - 12/02/11 09:09 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: BDD]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
There is no time like the present.

My therapist did day be thoughtful about what level we share with our wife and kids. We are their heroes and if not careful this can hurt them in ways too.

Best of luck.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#377706 - 12/02/11 10:17 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
skidad3 Offline


Registered: 08/07/11
Posts: 11
Loc: Oregon
Wow, writing this was pretty awesome for me last night, feels like I took that first leap of faith, being sober awhile now is a big part of why i'm finally dealing, Thanks for all the great wisdom!


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#377709 - 12/02/11 10:24 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1570
I was 55 when I started my recovery. You therapist is right for your children, make sure they are old enough to understand. In my case my son was ransacking my computer and phone and found my acting out--strangely he has more information than I do--I don't have the computer data and I am recovering the memories-he would share with my wife his findings and keep going back for more. So his mother was the enabler. Make sure your wife understands and will work with you to heal and tell the children--if she does not want to believe she can damage the children and your relationship with them by saying things she does not understand.


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#377714 - 12/02/11 11:32 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 592
Loc: VA
I hope 42 isn't too late to start, 'coz that's when I started too! At the time, a psychiatrist told me in a ho-hum tone, "Late 30's, early 40's... that's typically when these things come out."

And as I keep reminding myself, since all the freaky symptoms are routine and well known (to health-care people, anyway), that makes the wild ride a bit less personal. Peace!

John


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#377718 - 12/02/11 11:56 AM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: unhappycamper]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1293
CSA is like a virus with a 20-30 year latency period. Like someone quoted a therapist as saying, it is quite typical not to address these issues until well into adulthood.

As difficult as my journey has been in dealing with my past issues (and there is more work to be done), it has also been an adventure of self-discovery. Just because it is difficult does not mean it's all bad. It isn't.

I know myself so much better than I ever have, and I have reached out to that child I blamed all those years ago. I left him sitting in the corner alone with his shame for so long - and reconnecting with him rekindles a inner glow that I haven't known for years. Others I have known see it, too.

Do the work. Walk the path with courage and brute honesty.

Reaching back and holding the child you once were - with forgiveness and love - is the sweetest embrace you'll ever know.

_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#377730 - 12/02/11 01:17 PM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: Chase Eric]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Skidad: I was 46 when the dam broke and flooded my entire life. It was then that I disclosed. NEVER NEVER NEVER too late to start dude! I'll even say it in my Boston accent: "Nevah!!!"

Do you see how many people have responded to you here? You are not alone in this age bracket.

Welcome to a new world!!!! Own your recovery!

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

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#377736 - 12/02/11 01:42 PM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: skidad3]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
First, let me say welcome to the club. I’m 40 and am also beginning to deal with my abuse. You would be surprised how many of us guys wait until our age to finally start to deal with what happened to us as kids. Have you read Mike Lew’s book “Victims No Longer”? If not I highly recommend it. In it he says that men often don’t deal with their abuse when they are younger because the memories of it are still too fresh. He says it often takes the distance of decades before we’re finally ready to confront our histories.

Re: worrying about not being able to talk about it give yourself time. Trust is essential to being able to talk about it and that doesn’t come overnight for survivors. I’ll also add that once you start dealing with the abuse it’s next to impossible to put it back in the box you had it in for so many years. In my experience this can be damned scary but it is rewarding to finally begin to work through it rather than always running away from it.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#377738 - 12/02/11 02:00 PM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: jls]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Not to take this thread off track but the guys here in their late teens + show such balls too.

Great to see young men with real strength and guts taking this on and healing.

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

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#377740 - 12/02/11 02:21 PM Re: 42 and just dealing with my abuse now! [Re: BDD]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Welcome to Malesurvivor and recovery skidad,

I was 43 when the memories came back. I was using at the time. I walked away from a marriage and two kids in my mid-twenties. I am still "uncovering" stuff.

I congratulate you for being where you are at.

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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