Newest Members
RepressedMem, jet_step, JimHouston42, GKB, MorganWut
12468 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
AndyP (48), Gaius (50), JoziSA (52), mmafan66 (48), nltsaved (36), RMM (52), Steve63 (51), zenboy (51)
Who's Online
4 registered (Sonata1, 3 invisible), 25 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12468 Members
74 Forums
64031 Topics
446840 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 3 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#377484 - 11/30/11 10:22 PM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: limit]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Limit,

WOW!! Your sharing touched my heart and soul. I can relate 100%.

Thanks for sharing. Take care!

Hope you write more.

Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

Top
#377487 - 11/30/11 10:51 PM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: Avery46]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
I hate to tell you this, however everything you are feeling is normal. You are not an idiot and you are worth it and so what if you are who you are that's where you are now but that's not where you're going to be forever if you don't want to.

A lot of what you're saying reminds me of me just like some others here have said. I've been here a while and I've acted out before and I've seen lots of others act out. We kick our friends in the shins with our posts to make them back away. That way no one has a chance to get close enough for us to like them 'cause if I like someone that won't last and they'll just hurt me again and leave. But if I get them to leave first then they go on my terms.

I could tell you now that things get better but I don't expect you to believe me. If someone tried to tell me it would get better I don't know if I would believe them... but then again there was no one here to tell me it would get better when I first got here... 'cause I found out that the guys who get better drift away from the discussion board.

All I can say is I'm glad to listen to you.

There was a post slightly similar to this one and I think my reply there may help here:

Things do get better

And for good measure, I'm pleased with a CNN podcast that came out yesterday. When you listen to it please remember I've been where you are but things change.

CNN podcast about sexual abuse recovery

Hang in there Man, we're here for you.


Top
#377507 - 12/01/11 12:58 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: Curtis St. John]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
.



Edited by limit (12/02/11 02:46 AM)

Top
#377539 - 12/01/11 08:48 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: limit]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Limit you are doing great the sooner we can get this poison out of you the better you will feel. Remember you are not at fault for this poison so just let it out. I was in your shoes several years ago and had no one that I could vent on. If I could offer one suggestion. It looks like several emotions are attacking at once, just deal with them one at a time. Feel free to vent on my anytime you need to Mike


Top
#377567 - 12/01/11 01:46 PM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: mike13]
Curtis St. John Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/20/04
Posts: 1796
Loc: Westchester, N.Y.
Quote:
i guess i dont know nothin abotu this stuff

Who does?

Quote:
when i joined here i kinda thought i was intruding on your space and i just was curious...

Me too! I don't know how long I lurked before I got up the guts to say something.

Quote:
i wasnt abused...there was fucked up shit that happened that was fucked up and wrong and weird and , sex related...

That is abuse.

Quote:
i guess, and i was a kid i guess but i knew what i was doing you know

No you didn't. That's why there are age of consent laws.

Quote:
i was a bad seed. bad apple. bad to the core some people are just born bad?

I don't believe that.

Quote:
i dont know anything about abuse i guess or therapy or "recovery" or any of it...

Neither did I or most of the guys who first come here.

Quote:
i know all about how abuse affects childhood development and how ptsd affects you and what ptsd symptoms are and what complex trauma is and dissociation and blah blah.

Then you're ahead of me when I first got here.

Quote:
i can say definitively: i got beat up a lot. but again, i deserved it.

Bullshit

Quote:
idk where my thouts are going i just realized i dont know anything and im rambling

We've all done that.

Quote:
...and these people are all here trying to help ame and support me and tell me nice things and i dont know what any of it even means

It means they think you're worth it.

Quote:
i not trying to be self pitying or nayhting
though i guess i am having the worlds loneliest pity party
with the worlds smallest violins

yeah, me too. So this shows you do know you're being hard on yourself and that you do have feelings. Look, if you didn't have feelings you wouldn't be here.


When I was stuck like this I would ask myself what I would say to someone like me... I mean, if you saw someone saying the things you are saying I wonder if you would tell them, “Yeah, I bet you deserved to get beat up when you were a kid.” I don’t think so, I think you would be able to relate to them and you would try to help them out.

Man, none of us deserved to get what we got, but here we are. We find ourselves hanging around a discussion board finding support from our brothers… that’s a valuable resource, and if you allow yourself to open up to it, even if you don’t think you deserve it, then eventually something is going to get through and you’re going to start to heal.

You are here and you are talking. That means there is a part of you inside that knows there is something here to benefit from, and that little piece of you knows you are worth it and deserve it.

Keep at it Man, that’s all I can tell you… That, and any work you put into it now is well worth it down the road.


Top
#377643 - 12/02/11 12:21 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: Curtis St. John]
StringsAttached Offline


Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 59
Curtis, thanks for addressing Limit's post point by point. I have been reading the posts and frankly I thought that I was not real capable of responding... like it was above my pay grade to answer his anguish.

Your responses resonated deeply when I read them and suddenly it doesn't seem like rocket science. You are a great voice on this site, always bringing thoughtful clarity and compassion.

Thanks!

Oh and Limit... what he said. :-)

_________________________
-StringsAttached

Survive, then thrive



Top
#377661 - 12/02/11 01:27 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: StringsAttached]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
.



Edited by limit (12/02/11 01:37 AM)

Top
#377664 - 12/02/11 01:38 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: limit]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1428
Loc: California
I don't understand social interaction either.

I came here to learn how.

D

_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

Top
#377667 - 12/02/11 01:43 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: Magellan]
George E. Offline


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 48
Loc: Kent, Washington
limit: I wish I were in the position to share with you some unconditional love, the best I can do is read your postings, chat when in the chat room, and assure you that I will never ever judge you in any way, shape or form. As a human being, you deserve much better than what you have been dealt.


Top
#377671 - 12/02/11 01:59 AM Re: dont know why i bother [Re: George E.]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
.



Edited by limit (12/02/11 02:46 AM)

Top
Page 3 of 4 < 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.