Newest Members
RodrigoBR, MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two
12332 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueelectron9 (48), Grunty1967b (2014), highflight (42), jocks44 (54), kitm1 (47), Porrick (44)
Who's Online
5 registered (Aptrick, hike1972, 3 invisible), 20 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12332 Members
74 Forums
63414 Topics
443363 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#377502 - 12/01/11 12:30 AM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: pbert53]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 260
Loc: Europe
Every reply--good, bad or neutral, helps. Thanks.

_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

Top
#377504 - 12/01/11 12:45 AM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: pufferfish]
learning2remember Offline
Member

Registered: 10/21/03
Posts: 260
Loc: Europe
Thanks for all of the replies so far. I'm glad for people who had a good experience in scouting, and sorry and angry for those of us who didn't.

It gives me mixed emotions to see that I was not alone in having a bad experience, while also hearing that it didn't have to be that way. I have heard women say that if men are in their own group, without women, it will always turn violent and aggressive. I resist this notion, but my experience and that of others in scouting would seem to prove their point in many cases.

The fact that at least one of you had a good time, and that my boys seem to, gives me hope.

On the other hand, those of us who didn't have a good experience really make me wonder about things. THe problem with the lack of appropriate adult supervision (and, sadly, I think there are some adult leaders who remember hazing from their day and see it as part of the package.) There is this idea that hazing is a rite of passage. You become a man by putting up with this stuff and later doing it to others. (And you are a girl if you cry or quit or otherwise can't cope).

For years and years I have thought I was less than 100% male, just because I didn't like these things and didn't think they were funny, even when they didn't involve me at all.

Is co-ed scouting the answer?

Of course not, since I was actually abused by a woman.

I will always say abuse is not about gender, but about power and the abuse of it.

_________________________
"This is not my shame, this is their shame." Mona Eltahawy

Top
#377518 - 12/01/11 07:20 AM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: learning2remember]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
I was a cub scout and a boy scout. My experience was great til I was gangraped, not by boy scouts or leaders. The scout troop found out about my attack, in the 70's it was a common myth that once you experienced anal reguardless of why, if you were not already gay you would become gay. Most of the troop bullied me for the rest of my days in scouting. The adult leaders saw this and did not help me. They wanted me out too. Our church uses scouting for the young mens organization. I could not escape and still belong to the church. My parents made me go til I was 17 and had job conflicts. I have served as a scout leader several times. Naturally I have been very proactive in stamping out bullying. The program as a whole has many good points but as parents we still must give constant oversite to keep it safe.


Top
#377568 - 12/01/11 02:02 PM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: mike13]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
A few hours ago, I posted about my worst experience in the Boy Scouts.

I recently found that my worst fears about some of the slightly older scouts in the troop were justified. At the time I perceived them as ruffians. I have found that some of them are now registered sex offenders in the community near where I lived. The residence of the offender I just posted about is also near there.

Allen (aka Puffer)




Top
#379518 - 12/14/11 11:26 PM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA

Top
#379522 - 12/14/11 11:51 PM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: learning2remember]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Being someone that was sexually abused by my Scoutmaster, if I had a son I would be very reluctant to let him be in scouting, unless I went to everything and kept a close eye on him the whole time.

The Boy Scouts kept secret "perversion files" for decades and did nothing to protect boys from abuse by pedophiles. It is my understanding that they have made a lot of changes to ensure that boys and parents are better informed and protected. I think I read that no leader is ever allowed to be alone with a boy at any time. Personally, I think this would be very difficult, if not impossible to monitor. Pedophiles are very sly and will take the very slightest opportunity.

You can read a bit about my experience here:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showthreaded&Number=379102#Post379102

My abuse was in the 1970's, so I am sure things are very different now. You may need to hear from fathers who have had boys in Scouting more recently, but this is my two-cents worth. I wouldn't risk it.

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

Top
#379528 - 12/15/11 12:51 AM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: Undefeated]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 97
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
I'm lucky, I had a good experience in cubs and scouts. The troop's leaders were great and some of the kids had parents who really helped out a lot with the camps and other events. It was good to get out of the house and away from my family for a little while and get to enjoy doing ordinary kid things.

_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

Top
#379532 - 12/15/11 01:34 AM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: learning2remember]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
BAD BAD BAD BAD

My Father was the group scout leader. He used the perfect example of the overachievers to hang over his sons heads as to how useless we were. He was able to give to the other boys his love and attention that he could not find in his heart to give to the "spawn of Chucky" His wicked wife's children.
It is only now in my forties that he is trying hard to make amends.
A few of my mates were sexually abused in the scout movement, but then go figure, you have a 1000 young boys in one organization, do you not think that this is going to attract a lot of attention from the perverts?

Heal well all
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

Top
#379540 - 12/15/11 04:21 AM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: learning2remember]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 945
Loc: southern California
My father (a perp) was a Boy Scout leader. I don't know why, but after 15 years of hardcore scout leading he suddenly ended his involvement. No explanation, no mention of it. Nothing. Scouting was never once mentioned in our home afterward. When I got older I asked what happened and there was no explanation given, just the clear message that it was not going to be discussed.

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

Top
#379649 - 12/15/11 09:27 PM Re: Scouts--good or bad experience? [Re: WriterKeith]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
There is a book: Conversations With A Pedophile, In the Interest of Our Children, by Amy Carter-Zabin. 2003. 237 pages.

The book consists of that author's actual conversations and letters with a pedophile who was in prison for life. He claimed to have abused over 1000 boys. He was very clever and very skilful at that. His occupation was in the realm of computers. He moved into town and immediately joined a church and became a boy scout leader in order to have access to boys. He was very smooth in talking to parents. He convinced them that he was OK! Does this remind you of someone else in today's news?

He claims, according to this book, to have had as his goal the ultimate breaking of the will of his victims. Apparently he achieved sexual gratification from this horrible deed. The book relates some space to this.

http://www.amazon.com/Conversations-Pedo...mp;sr=1-1-spell

Note: If you are a therapist or in law enforcement, this book is required reading. If you are a victim, then beware this book can make you depressed. If you are a pedophile, then this book will show you how wrong it is and how you will be caught.

Puffer






Edited by pufferfish (12/16/11 02:05 AM)

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.