One other thought.... understanding WHY, has given him some time on my clock. But it certainly has not eased my pain. In fact, knowing he was hurt only increases my pain. I am not sure a single one of us walk around and say, WELL THANK GOD I KNOW THE REASON.

And BTW, as many a conversation on here has shown, CSA does not make men cheat. CSA messes with coping mechanisms, but it sure as hell does not guarantee that a survivor will give themselves permission to violate our trust.

We may use the abuse as a way to protect our egos, in conversations, in therapy, in our social circles. But the reality is that my pain is my pain.

So if your friend had been a saint and lived the life of a nun, would that have made the cheating less painful? Would you then go round and say 'my husband cheated on me with this wonderful, saintly woman?'


That is indeed disgusting. Looks indeed like a person who has no scruples at all and it's understandable that you are angry at that.



Each of us deals with this reason differently. I found it very helpful to know the reasons that caused his behaviour and it did lessen my pain. Knowing why he did all the things he did helped me to get rid of my anger. Had I not learned the reasons, it would have been impossible for me to stay.
But now that the cat is out of the bag, any more cheating can not be 'justified'.

I did not say that it made the cheating more painful because she was a skank - I only said she was a skank It would have been painful either way. I was merely commenting on the facts of the matter. If I think about it, it makes it easier I suppose that she was such a skank, because it makes it more clear to me that he never intended a real relationship.

And I agree with FINAL NOTICE - this is the one and only chance