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#384806 - 02/07/12 09:32 PM Re: STD [Re: Esposa]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 708
Loc: NJ
One other thought.... understanding WHY, has given him some time on my clock. But it certainly has not eased my pain. In fact, knowing he was hurt only increases my pain. I am not sure a single one of us walk around and say, WELL THANK GOD I KNOW THE REASON.

And BTW, as many a conversation on here has shown, CSA does not make men cheat. CSA messes with coping mechanisms, but it sure as hell does not guarantee that a survivor will give themselves permission to violate our trust.

We may use the abuse as a way to protect our egos, in conversations, in therapy, in our social circles. But the reality is that my pain is my pain.


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#384953 - 02/08/12 06:17 PM Re: STD [Re: Esposa]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
Originally Posted By: Esposa

Ok, she's a skank and I am going to qualify it. I have known her for 8 years and heard all the details of her one night stands throughout Europe, her desperate attempts to steal other friends' husbands, her unprotected sex with the hope of having a baby.... and since I heard it all first hand, I am sticking with my original assertion.


So if your friend had been a saint and lived the life of a nun, would that have made the cheating less painful? Would you then go round and say 'my husband cheated on me with this wonderful, saintly woman?'

Originally Posted By: Esposa

Oh yeah, and we have had her family for Thanksgiving and she broke bread with my kids and then slept with their father.

That is indeed disgusting. Looks indeed like a person who has no scruples at all and it's understandable that you are angry at that.

Originally Posted By: Esposa
One other thought.... understanding WHY, has given him some time on my clock. But it certainly has not eased my pain. In fact, knowing he was hurt only increases my pain. I am not sure a single one of us walk around and say, WELL THANK GOD I KNOW THE REASON.


Each of us deals with this reason differently. I found it very helpful to know the reasons that caused his behaviour and it did lessen my pain. Knowing why he did all the things he did helped me to get rid of my anger. Had I not learned the reasons, it would have been impossible for me to stay.
But now that the cat is out of the bag, any more cheating can not be 'justified'.




Edited by Shawushka (02/08/12 06:20 PM)

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#384982 - 02/08/12 09:24 PM Re: STD [Re: Shawushka]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 708
Loc: NJ
I did not say that it made the cheating more painful because she was a skank - I only said she was a skank wink It would have been painful either way. I was merely commenting on the facts of the matter. If I think about it, it makes it easier I suppose that she was such a skank, because it makes it more clear to me that he never intended a real relationship.

And I agree with FINAL NOTICE - this is the one and only chance wink


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