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#377818 - 12/02/11 10:56 PM Re: STD [Re: GoodHope]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 675
Loc: NJ
I have had HPV since college - and I actually have the strain that causes cervical cancer. So maybe he gifted her more than he gifted me??



Edited by Esposa (12/02/11 10:56 PM)

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#377826 - 12/02/11 11:41 PM Re: STD [Re: Esposa]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
My HPV developed pretty quickly into abnormal cells which I had to spend a lot of money to have tested (colposcopy). While there is a slim chance I contracted it from the man I fooled around with before my ex, I rather doubt it as I only physical contact with that person twice (and if I did get something from him, it is likely that I also got it from my ex). No way to know for sure I suppose, but considering the many partners my ex had before me, not to mention the abusers, I'm guessing I got it from him. In any case, I will admit I can't be 100% sure, and I'm not angry with him about it even if I was sure because HPV is something pretty much everyone gets if they have more than one sexual partner (or a partner who has). What scares me is that I may have gotten something ELSE from him because he has been so dishonest that I feel I cannot even trust him in this matter. Even if he was honest, his memory is so bad (dissociation) that I don't know if he would accurately remember what he has or hasn't been tested for. Anyway, thankfully my HPV went away (at least that's what I was told) over time but I was told that before I slept with him once we tried to get back together a few months ago. So now I have to be tested again. Bleh.


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#377840 - 12/03/11 12:55 AM Re: STD [Re: hopeandtry]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
For HAT, how long before abnormal cells show up usually. IF hubby was telling the truth, it was 6 months after the last dalliance when I got tested. Next question is for HAT, how can it just go away , does your body just shed it? Did they tell you your strain? Next question Esposa , is your pap yearly or more often? Is there anything they can do to prevent it from becoming cancer? I'm due for an annual in a couple of months.

_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#377874 - 12/03/11 08:09 AM Re: STD [Re: GoodHope]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 675
Loc: NJ
It is a virus so it never goes away, it just lays dormant and is activated by stress or sickness, stuff like that. When you get a pap, they should type your HPV if you are positive so you can look up what strain. The thing is, before the vaccine, 85% of all sexually active women will get some strain of HPV. Now, with the vaccine, that is changing for the dangerous strains.

I have to have a yearly pap and I did have cervical "cancerous" cells about 10 years ago but they did something called a LEEP where they skim the cervix and I have not had an irregular pap since. HPV is the kindest of all STDs wink


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#377892 - 12/03/11 09:47 AM Re: STD [Re: Esposa]
Airmid Offline


Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
I'm thinking it may be time for me to get tested every six months. (I became suspicious when I woke up this morning and am not in a good space, so take that statment as you will.)


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#377895 - 12/03/11 09:52 AM Re: STD [Re: Airmid]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 675
Loc: NJ
Getting tested in humiliating. There is no point to test for HPV - it will show in an abnormal pap. Just make sure your gyno does the DNA typing of each pap smear. Are we having fun yet???


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#377902 - 12/03/11 09:59 AM Re: STD [Re: Esposa]
Airmid Offline


Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
The irony is that I had a partial hysto four years ago. (I like to call the cervical rebuild "my new-and-improved bionic cervix".

You know, we had an "open loop" marraige(open with full knowledge of other partners; I'm bi and used it an excuse to get intimacy elsewhere. I fully own how damaging that has been) for a while because I insisted on it when he was not speaking to me for weeks. It wasn't beneficial at all, and my testing last year was clean, but in the back of my mind is "what if he took that to mean he could get sex/contact from anyone and not tell me?"

I give up.


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#377909 - 12/03/11 10:26 AM Re: STD [Re: Airmid]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 675
Loc: NJ
I want a bionic cervix and intimacy. Where do I order those?


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#377911 - 12/03/11 10:33 AM Re: STD [Re: Esposa]
Airmid Offline


Registered: 12/02/11
Posts: 95
Loc: South
There's an app for that? I needed to laugh! tyvm!


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#378060 - 12/04/11 04:06 AM Re: STD [Re: GoodHope]
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
This was one of the hardest things for me to accept and we still talk about it. He acted out. Didn't use a condom on some occasions. (with prostitutes in the Dominican Republic - Huge sex trade there!)
I told him "any prostitute that does not require you to protect HER, is ALREADY sick!" He says he felt untouchable.
I got tested (and still get tested, every 3 months I will) and he got tested.
He gave me Chlamydia, HPV (2 types) and that lovely std was the kind where I got my genital warts from. I see my GYN tomorrow about having them removed. I'm very lucky he didn't me HIV. He also admitted that he was treated for an STD about 8 years ago but never told me. Either he didn't give it to me OR I was on an antibiotic anyway. (I have a terrible immune system and have been sick off and on for the last 3 years so. He thought he may have gotten me sick at first. HE KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT). There is no understanding any of this. HE put my life at risk due to his behavior. Sex addiction, CSA all this acting out. There is little reason to any of it. Just insanity when they don't get help.
**Let me note, NOT every survivor behaves this way! I've met some VERY honorable men on this site. Some VERY wise man told me. "CSA is not an excuse to be an idiot or stupid!" Not all men act out this way. Not all survivors use their wives as badly as my husband treated me.***

I do not believe he is honest about the last time he had unprotected sex but you can get HPV with a condom. And other STDs with condoms on. The fact that I have had 3 partners in my 44 years (one being my husband of the last 23+ years) I never even considered that I should be concerned about STDs or STIs EVER.

The unknown is the toughest part. Do not stick your head in the sand. Get tested, not just the standard ones. ALL of them. Make a list and tell your doctor. I went back 2 times to my GP. I've been to 2 GYNs and a urologist.
Your husband is not protecting you, didn't protect you and you should not expect that he will. You must protect yourself. I talked to my GP/GYN all the while balling my eyes out. Be open and honest. If your doctor is not sympathetic to your plight. FIND ANOTHER ONE.

Remember to some of these men, protecting the secret life, living a double life is second nature to them. They LIE! They just lie. You can love him AND not trust him.

As far as I'm concerned you can trust God, your mama and yourself with your life.

_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

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