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#377179 - 11/28/11 06:58 PM Stupid cigarette (possible trigger)
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
Sitting here in my study room...smoking a cigarette just before I go to bed.
I hate the freaking thing. It reminds me of so many bad things, reminds me of moments I sad on bed crying after my father abused me but every day, at least 15 times a day I light another one, because my fucked up brain thinks it comforts me. I hate it and love it. I hate it how such a stupid small thing can "control" you. I really want to quit, but I am too weak every time to do it.

Bleggggggggggggggh

(sorry, just needed to ventilate)



Edited by JaapVisser (11/28/11 07:00 PM)
_________________________
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

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#377181 - 11/28/11 07:10 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: JaapVisser]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
Don't beat yourself up over a cigarette addiction. Nicotine is a very very hard thing to quit. It doesn't make you any less of a person, EVERYONE has a hard time quitting smoking cigarettes.


D

_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#377184 - 11/28/11 07:15 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: JaapVisser]
StringsAttached Offline


Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 59
Originally Posted By: JaapVisser


Bleggggggggggggggh



One thing at a time vriend.

_________________________
-StringsAttached

Survive, then thrive



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#377192 - 11/28/11 08:11 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: JaapVisser]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi JaapVisser,

I know exactly where you are comming from. I've been smoking since around the time I was abused over 40 yrs. ago. Tried quitting, God probably wouldn't even know how often. Trying again starting Thursday.

I figure if I try enough, eventually I'll get lucky especially now I'm getting counselling for my CSA.

Good luck with both - they'll both be a long and bumpy road.

_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#377199 - 11/28/11 08:28 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: Sailor John]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Hey JaapVisser,

Ahhh the cigarette. Yes she has been a companion for a long time. I quit for 10 years until sometime last year. Coincidentally when it all blew up in my face.
I will quit again cause those 10 clean years were good. But all it takes it's one, and you are back at it again. My Therapist recommended that i keep smoking until i get my life stable enough or that i feel good. He said that the act of smoking is like a constant in your life no matter what. It regulates you like no other thing. And there are no surprises. You smoke you feel calmer or you can focus on the act of smoking and it calms you or at least stabilizes you. I find this to be true with me.
I'm not ready to quit yet but i will again. In the mean time watch this funny piece on smoking. Don't worry man you will quit , you just have to really decide to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hipWlbvtrVk

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#377200 - 11/28/11 08:31 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: Anthony39]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
I quit 13 years ago. I never had one after I finally quit. After many failed attempts, I realized that after I quit, I could never have one more.

So I never had one more. Never looked back.

Good luck to you wishing to quit.

D

_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#377204 - 11/28/11 08:40 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: Magellan]
mpm01 Offline


Registered: 09/27/11
Posts: 85
Loc: Australia
It took me 25 years to give up, tried hundreds of times. I smoked very heavily. I finally came to terms what cigarettes really are, and stopped. But it was still monumental shift in my head to get this to happen
Allan Carr's "the easy way to stop smoking" was the key in the end. I read it twice. That was 6 years ago. Never wanted a cigarette since. Never craved one, never thought one would be good. It finally just stopped being a part of me.

Martin

_________________________
I apreciate you all being here for me and for each other...

The world just became a better place

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#377205 - 11/28/11 08:50 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: Magellan]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 57
Loc: PA, USA
Everynight for 35 years I hated the 30 some cigs I wolfed down. Still Every morNing I lit one up rolling out of bed. Hard to find a pic without my smoke screen! But I finaly did it! with nasel spray and patches and a doctor who knew!
I quit almost 5 years ago! You can and will. Just keep trying


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#377217 - 11/28/11 09:51 PM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: BDD]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 215
Loc: Tucson Arizona
Dude I hear ya.
I've been smoking since freshman year of high school.
I do about a pack- pack and a half a day. That's bad but right now the whole PTSD thing makes it a little difficult.\
I was talkin to a guy once and he said to me, "that shit will kill you but I used to do it, I figure you still got some years to smoke. That shit's okay to do when you're young as long as you got the balls to stop when it's time". or something like that.
IDK made me feel better.
Its horrible for your health but so is a nervous breakdown.

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

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#377249 - 11/29/11 03:30 AM Re: Stupid cigarette (possible trigger) [Re: kinghenri]
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks guys for the great and kind words.

I am smoking since I am 10 and am 33 now. Also my therapist said that I need to get my life a bit more stable before I should dive into this problem.
It felt good to rant about it. So many bigger things I am dealing now in my life, but oh boy that stupid little thing can cause such a frustration now and then and I hate the fact that something is controlling my life. I know this problem is bigger then just the cigarette (but I know nicotine is a horrible adicting thing), but it doesn't always feels like it.

Thanks guys and I have great admiration for you who have succeeded and Kinghenri, good luck as well man (and again a happy birthday wink )

_________________________
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

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