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#377366 - 11/29/11 09:09 PM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: Sterling]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Gretta, Jeff, and Sterling--thanks for your thoughtful replies. They have helped me and helped me help him. I'll write more specifically tomorrow.

We got in to his previous T tonight she was able to connect with him and have him feel a little bit ok with needing help. We're both drained from the emotional ride of the last day.


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#377399 - 11/30/11 07:33 AM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: eyesforward]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Here's the "more later" as promised:
Gretta -- It definitely freaked me out. If it occurs, next time we're going to a psych ward. His therapist had suggestions about where to go, or more specifically where not to go. Our big city has lots of choices, for better and worse.

J1 -- Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry you were put in a situation that was so destructive to you and left you feeling such a deep pit of despair and hopelessness. You must be a great guy to have such a caring friend in your manager. I think most if not all of us have people in our lives who would "step up" for us; just in our toughest moments we can't see it or recognize them. I'm really glad you had him and your therapist. Your Churchillian encouragement was exactly what I needed.

Sterling -- You're a smart and resourceful guy for figuring out the game at that bizarro-world, insensitive psych ward and getting out as fast as you could. I hope you find more good people like your T who want the best for you.

36 hours after update on us:
WAYYYYYYYYY more stable and settled. Not 100% and we have a plan -- doc for increase in anti depressant dose, frequent T appointments, promise of no threats of suicide or actions toward it for the next 48 hours, referral to a psychiatrist with an interest/specialization/experience in working with survivors of childhood trauma.


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#381667 - 01/06/12 02:06 PM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: eyesforward]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Well the plan didn't work so well. It's been a series of medical/psychiatric what-the-fucks. Ending with late Wednesday afternoon when he took a handful of his anti-depressant (40), ibuprofen (30) and acetaminophen (30). Good thing he forgot about the 12 Tylenol 3s with codeine from a dental issue last year.

What the fuck #1
His family doc was on an illness leave with no date of return. The answering service said "Take him to an ER" We made a trip to an ER, got a referral to psychiatric ER nearby. After sitting in a locked waiting room for several hours, the psych discharged him with a recommendation to get his family doc to increase his dosage.

What the fuck #2
We didn't get to see the psychiatrist in December. The one we were referred to wasn't taking new patients during the holiday season ... too many current patients were coming in for their year end scrip renewals.

What the fuck #3
Wednesday I called emergency services; at the hospital the police "formed" him, requiring a 48 hospitalization. Almost 40 hours after admission, he finally saw a psychiatrist.

Maybe the end of the WTFs
We got super lucky -- it seems as if the psychiatrist has gotten through to him that this is very serious. She called me for more information. When she asked if I was worried about having him at home, I said I was worried about not having appropriate medical support. She's changing the anti-depressant because "clearly his current medication isn't working," holding him for at least another 24 hours and will be recommending outpatient care. THANK GOD, DEITY, THE UNIVERSE, and/or simple human kindess, caring and wisdom.

I am tired, stressed, frustrated and VERY pissed off.


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#381673 - 01/06/12 02:43 PM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: eyesforward]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6422
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I'm not able to say much right now. But I don't want you to think you are being ignored. Just know I know what you are going through with this. More so, I know what he's going through with this.

_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#381851 - 01/09/12 02:21 AM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: eyesforward]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 409
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I know you have been through much and my heart achEs for you. Know this , though, you are magnificent.! If I ever tried anything, I hope my wife would do as well as you. In fact, I am sure she would. Be blessed.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#381868 - 01/09/12 12:12 PM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: eyesforward]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
When someone is depressed enough to feel suicidal itís incredibly hard to assure them that things can get better. The feelings they are having feel permanent, which is why they start considering such a drastic way out of the pain they are experiencing, as if there is no other option but to end their own life in order to escape it.

As far as how to help him, being there to listen is crucial. As someone who has felt suicidal in my past, I can attest that a person who is considering suicide feels a pervasive sense of loneliness, like they canít relate to anyone since no one on earth can possibly understand the pain he or she is in. To be clear, you don't want to understand to the point that you are in the same pain as this will not help either of you. Rather, being there for him to listen to and affirm his pain is what he needs to make a connection, and connections are essential to him staying around. Try and avoid giving advice or making value judgments, except to recommend that he see a professional who can also listen and provide a connection.

Re: safety, ask him point blank if he has a plan to harm himself. If the answer is yes ask for specifics like how, when, where, etc. If the answers to these questions lead you to believe that his suicide is pending intervene immediately by calling 9/11. If he doesnít have an immediate plan try to come to an agreement with him where he promises not to harm himself within a set timeframe. This can be for as much as a day or as little as an hour. Breaking it down this way makes his existence more manageable, as in we are talking about small chunks of time, not a whole lifetime, which is how a suicidal person views the enormity of their pain. Also ask for a promise where if he feels he canít keep his agreement for the duration of the agreed upon timeframe that he come to you for further support. Again itís about maintaining a connection.

I base my advice on Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training, or ASIST, which I received through my work. I have had to use in it practice a number of times and believe me it works. In closing I am sorry someone you care about is in so much pain. No doubt it is painful for you also. I hope things get better for both of you soon.


_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.


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#381939 - 01/10/12 01:40 AM Re: Help! He's talking about taking his life [Re: jls]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Robbie, Jim and jls

He's stable and was discharged from inpatient care today with a exactly what we've been seeking for the last month -- changed pre>


Edited by eyesforward (01/22/12 08:39 PM)
Edit Reason: update on progress/status

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