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#376598 - 11/23/11 03:10 PM Dreading Thanksgiving
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
I know, I should be grateful.. I know I know...
But I am dreading the holiday. Fake smile, Fake laugh. Pretending for my kids that I'm okay and don't show displeasure for fear my husband will get upset.

I am upset. I'm not OVER IT. I'm sad, angry, resentful, lonely and pissed. My life was nuked almost 3 months ago. Colors look different, nothing is familiar anymore and I want my fake not real life back again. Just for one day. I want to be innocent of all the ugliness and vile behavior of my husband. I want a functional, loving husband and happy family. JUST for ONE day!

I want to be innocent again.



Edited by Anniemy4sons (11/23/11 03:11 PM)
_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

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#376600 - 11/23/11 04:04 PM Re: Dreading Thanksgiving [Re: Anniemy4sons]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 358
I hear ya, Annie! Whoever said Ignorance is bliss was right on. I, too, want to go back to a time before I knew all this happened to my husband, the addictions, everything. I really did not know that this happened to boys, well ok, I did but by priests and I didn't know the effects of all this.

As horrendous as the Penn State thing is and I pray for the victims, there is soomething good about it and that is that maybe some victims will get help and they won't end up here 30 yrs later nor will their wives. Maybe if people know it happens and the effects, maybe, just maybe, it will happen to less kids because parents will be more villigant about protecting their kids. Since they are talking about it on TV all the time and what grooming looks like, parents may be able to stop it before it happens.


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#376604 - 11/23/11 04:25 PM Re: Dreading Thanksgiving [Re: Anniemy4sons]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 358
Annie, hang tuff. It is sad an you have every right to feel the feelings you feel. Maybe you could focus on your kids and how wonderful it is to be a mother surrounded by her kids on thanksgiving. That is definitely something to be thankful for. I am lucky I just have my family around for the holidays but I can still get wrappd up in all the bad things in my life or I can focus on the good things i.e. my husband and I are both getting help, our kids are happy and healthy. Tomorrow, if I start to get down I am gonna focus on my kids faces when they are smiling and laughing and being silly. That can always bring me to a good place.

Ignore the assholes! wink wink Focus on your childrens beautiful, sweet and innocent little faces.

As for my previous post, I hate that assholeSandusky and I hate McQueary and all the other jerks who let this happen. I am grateful for the many men who have comeout on national tv to tell their stories of abuse. Hopefully, it will help othr men's shame and feelings of being "the only one". The shame doesn't belng to them, at least for what happened to them as kids.

I so admire the men who have come forward and I pray for the victims.


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#376610 - 11/23/11 05:45 PM Re: Dreading Thanksgiving [Re: lucylives]
Dar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
Oh Annie... You've been through so much.

I'm thankful for YOU! Your posts show such wisdom, and they have helped me. I know you are typing them with one side of your brain, while the other side is on a test pattern, and you are still screaming in pain.

I'm 15-months past my "D-Day", and remember well how terrible last Thanksgiving was. I had checked out of life, which I could do as my kids are all grown and on their own. For the first time ever, I didn't host Thanksgiving. I couldn't have coped with it, so I sure do empathize with you dreading the "fake smile", etc.

While you try to keep a good attitude for the sake of others, allow yourself the time to excuse yourself for an extended trip to the john. Have a cry and take all the time you want by yourself.

I have to believe you are existing in a state of shock still, so be patient with yourself, and do for yourself what you would gladly allow others to do for themselves: TAKE CARE OF YOU, even if it means everyone else will have to do without you for a time.

Keep faith that this WILL get easier. The load WILL get a bit lighter. You WILL be given what you need, and knowing you from your posts, you WILL share what you're given with many others. So blessings will come from your pain, honey. This is a jewel in your crown.

I will be thinking of you and will be holding you up to our Lord. If you feel anything other than pain, I hope you will feel His fatherly compassion for you!

Sending Hugs-



Edited by Dar (08/01/12 10:40 AM)
_________________________
All I ever wanted was a hug.

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#376693 - 11/24/11 09:48 AM Re: Dreading Thanksgiving [Re: Anniemy4sons]
ges1974 Offline


Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 17
Loc: illinois
know how u feel am dreading the holiday,as well we all want our lifes back,it will happen just stay stong my brother


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#376702 - 11/24/11 02:15 PM Re: Dreading Thanksgiving [Re: Anniemy4sons]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Oh Annie... You've been through so much.

I'm thankful for YOU! Your posts show such wisdom, and they have helped me. I know you are typing them with one side of your brain, while the other side is on a test pattern, and you are still screaming in pain.

I'm 15-months past my "D-Day", and remember well how terrible last Thanksgiving was. I had checked out of life, which I could do as my kids are all grown and on their own. For the first time ever, I didn't host Thanksgiving. I couldn't have coped with it, so I sure do empathize with you dreading the "fake smile", etc.

While you try to keep a good attitude for the sake of others, allow yourself the time to excuse yourself for an extended trip to the john. Have a cry and take all the time you want by yourself.

I have to believe you are existing in a state of shock still, so be patient with yourself, and do for yourself what you would gladly allow others to do for themselves: TAKE CARE OF YOU, even if it means everyone else will have to do without you for a time.

Keep faith that this WILL get easier. The load WILL get a bit lighter. You WILL be given what you need, and knowing you from your posts, you WILL share what you're given with many others. So blessings will come from your pain, honey. This is a jewel in your crown.

I will be thinking of you and will be holding you up to our Lord. If you feel anything other than pain, I hope you will feel His fatherly compassion for you!

Sending Hugs-
herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#377103 - 11/28/11 09:35 AM Re: Dreading Thanksgiving [Re: herowannabe]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Annie, how did Thanksgiving go?

_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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