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#376849 - 11/26/11 07:33 AM Wow! Its not my imagination
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
I keep testing, keep observing, keep feeling in shock. My blood family just won't have anything to do with me and my kids.

So they "post" all about the wonderful holiday together...the same great day we would have enjoyed with them prior to my disclosure...and I'm disappointed...sad. My kids don't get it. I don't get it.

My father and his wife deliberately and quietly did a secret end-run to end-up "elsewhere" for Thanksgiving.

So my kids are learning some very unfortunate things about family. Namely, that it does not exist beyond direct household and that blood-fam AND marriage extension will cut you loose just as quick as a sock-change.

My ex too was to be alone for the day. So the kids and I (cuz I had court dictated visitation) went to her with Thanksgiving dinner.

I don't know what happened to this world to be so un-feeling and self-centered. I just want my kids to see some degree of familial love, protection and loyalty beyond our immediate broken home. Its just not in the cards.

I have to stop being surprised and disapointed. Its just not to be.

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#376851 - 11/26/11 07:39 AM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Still]
kolisha54 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/03
Posts: 475
Loc: Brooklyn, NY
Sorry so sorry...

_________________________
If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now... when? --Hillel

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#376854 - 11/26/11 08:56 AM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: kolisha54]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
Robbie - One thing my therapist and I work on all the time are Ruiz' agreements - the 4 agreements. One of them is to not take anything personally. I use this with my children ALL THE TIME. Obviously it works for you and for me, but what a life lesson for them. If someone else treats you badly, the struggle to realize that it is a reflection of THEM, not of you is something easier for children to learn and so incredibly important as we make our way through this life.


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#376856 - 11/26/11 09:08 AM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Esposa]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Love Don Miguel Ruiz' books. On 5th Agreement now. "Be skeptical and ask questions." Awesome insights Don and Jr. have.

K.-


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#376875 - 11/26/11 01:01 PM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Esposa]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Esposa
...it is a reflection of THEM, not of you ...


That's a tough one. I take everything personally and feel responsible for things out of my control. But realistically, I look at the exlusion of my kids and me as unique (compared to the treatment of others). So if its uniqueness that's the factor of exlusion, I must ask "why?" Then I conclude, "cuz of something I am or represent or have become...etc.

You'd think they'd realize that following an 18 year marriage, now living alone, being broke, being diagnosed with PTSD and Severe depression, they might invite the kids and I to something??? Call my son on his birthday maybe. Maybe something like they use to do when I acted like a normal???

Seriously people: Disclosure is not for amatures. Its the one area of Mike Lew's book I truly have issues with.

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#376881 - 11/26/11 02:34 PM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Still]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown


Seriously people: Disclosure is not for amatures. Its the one area of Mike Lew's book I truly have issues with.


Oh, if I could just stuff that Genie back in the bottle...

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#376897 - 11/26/11 06:09 PM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Robbie I m sorry you had a disappointing thanksgiving. I thought you did a nice thing having dinner with your ex. Your kids may have enjoyed that more than you know.


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#376904 - 11/26/11 06:34 PM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Gretta]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: Gretta
Robbie I m sorry you had a disappointing thanksgiving. I thought you did a nice thing having dinner with your ex. Your kids may have enjoyed that more than you know.


We all had a decent time and it was great for the kids to be with her. None of us liked the idea of her sitting alone on Thanksgiving anyway. So I looked at it as a mandatory step for she and the kids.

My sadness and surprise comes from the seemingly universal rejection by my family. I don't get it and it hurts like hell.

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#376908 - 11/26/11 06:45 PM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: Still]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1568
Robbie

I am sorry for your Thanksgiving. My family told me I was not to be part of it. They have made no effort to understand what I have been through or understand what the abuse has done to me. It is sad, I know if it was some one in my wife's facing facing the trauma and PTSD from the sexual abuse and triggers in the home, books galore would have been read and understanding given. Instead all I feel is disbelief from them as to what happened. Never asked about therapy, what the therapist thinks or how I feel from the abuse. I am coping but the past abuse as a child and what I faced in the home that made me feel like the child emotionally and opened the old wounds I had buried and wish they had remained buried, has sometimes been unbearable in the nightmares and flashbacks. Last night being one. I am scratched on my face and arms. Couldn't get the feelings of the bastards hands off me or the spit off my face. So Robbie, you have your children and I have found support with strangers who have become my family. Sad as it is abuse can destroy, but I believe the ignorance of others is just as bad and can cause the trauma to feel like it is happening over and over. But my Psychiatrist says at least I will be able to have some good tomorrows one of these days. This is all that is keeping me going.



Edited by KMCINVA (11/26/11 06:51 PM)

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#376953 - 11/27/11 01:41 AM Re: Wow! Its not my imagination [Re: KMCINVA]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6376
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
*************Trigger Warning**************

I have one surviving sister out of the three I was issued. I remember so clearly her efforts to convince my parents that I was "mentally retarded" during the years of sexual abuse from outside the house and the psychotically violent sessions with my father. She was probably right. I likely did present like a diminished persona. You know...bleeding all the time. Screaming in my sleep. Me, hitting on her boyfriends. Affraid of everything and everyone. Off-the-charts depressed. Sexually addicted LONG before puberty.

I don't really know why I even seek any support or basic relations with any of them, but I fully hate being alone in this world.

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