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#376778 - 11/25/11 01:50 PM Intimacy Anorexia
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
Can someone have intimacy anorexia but still have sex?


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#376791 - 11/25/11 05:29 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
People do this all the time. Perhaps it is more difficult for women to have sex without intimacy but men are generally familiar with the concept that "a stiff c*ck has no conscience."

As I say frequenntly to my clients regarding intimacy (the caring and sharing with another person), "you can have intimacy without sex, sex without intimacy, but it's best when you have sex with intimacy."


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#376800 - 11/25/11 06:46 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Have u read the book?


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#376802 - 11/25/11 06:47 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Intimacy anorexia is what sex addiction is all about. They get to pretend they are intimate without the risk of real intimacy. It is false intimacy. Just my opiniion.
Get the book, it is awesome. A real eye opener


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#376805 - 11/25/11 07:32 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: lucylives]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
I will order it right now.

Thanks Ken for your response too. Is intimacy a common struggle for survivors? Now that I think about it, I think I struggled with intimacy my whole life as well.


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#376855 - 11/26/11 09:05 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Looking forward to working on that with my new T. I just cannot be intimate. Never could be. Trust issues, even with the one I love the most. How sad is that? Both both of us! 17 years in and still love each other. It can be so much better. I can get better. I must keep that attitude about the possibility of wellness. I hope one day I can experience real intimacy, as Mr. Singer describes it. That would be so wonderful!

K.-


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#377090 - 11/28/11 05:56 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: ksequoia]
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
Can I ask what book you are reffering to Lucy? Not to hijack the topic, but having some really big intimacy issues myself and been reading a lot of books. I remember I saw it somewhere, but can't find it.

Thanks you!

_________________________
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

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#377099 - 11/28/11 08:42 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: JaapVisser]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Douglass Weiss, Intimacy Anorexia, you can buy the ebook and read iton your computer. I wish I would have bought the hrd copy but couldn't wait. it really is an eye opener. Next to Patrick Carnes, I think he has written the most on sex addiction with Intimacy Anorexia just being another addiction and a way people keep people at a distance due to some pain in their past.


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#377106 - 11/28/11 10:30 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Check out information by Doug Weiss PhD -- he is in Colorado Springs, CO Has lots of info on Intimacy Anorexia.

The short answer -- YES -- you can be intimacy anorexic and have LOTS of sex. I am recovering anorexic and sex addict.

Look up Doug -- it will help you tons.


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#377108 - 11/28/11 10:32 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Oh yeah on Doug Weiss website -- you can do a free Intimacy Anorexia self test.


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#377109 - 11/28/11 10:33 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Another thing:

Being a victim of sexual abuse is one of the 3 major risk factors for having intimacy anorexia.


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#377112 - 11/28/11 11:15 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Sobernow]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Did you recover from it, Sober? Silly question, when I look at your name.

Did you to the 3 dailies with your wife? Did it help?


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#377116 - 11/28/11 11:41 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: lucylives]
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
Thanks Lucy for the info.

_________________________
Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

Top
#377117 - 11/28/11 11:52 AM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Sobernow]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 733
Loc: NJ
OMG. I read the book - in one day. AND HOLY CRAP - is this my husband. It was impossible for me to understand until I read the book and put it all in context.

Question though - he was not like this until he perceived that I had betrayed him. The book doesn't really address this possibility. Is it possible for someone to acquire this anorexia once they feel unsafe in a relationship?


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#377122 - 11/28/11 12:35 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Esposa, I would bet it was there before the "perceived betrayal" now hhe just has an excuse.

Check your pm....


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#377123 - 11/28/11 12:47 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Esposa]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Call Dr. Doug's office and ask the question. They will give you an answer. He also has a partner named Cory who might talk with you. Tell them a guy from Oklahoma told you to call.


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#377124 - 11/28/11 12:50 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: lucylives]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Me and my wife have been doing the 3 dailies for about 6 months. We are on track to do them EVERY day for about 10 weeks now. (I have consequences if I fail to do them)

You have to do the work to get recovery.

I went thru 12 steps for SA ---- then identified CSA as an issue ---- then identified IA as a problem.

I am also in a weekly phone counseling group for men -- sponsored by a counselor who shares an office with Doug Weiss (Cory)


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#377125 - 11/28/11 12:52 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Sobernow]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
The counselors name is Cory Schortzman (Colorado Springs)

He is in the same office complex as Doug Weiss.


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#377126 - 11/28/11 12:57 PM Re: Intimacy Anorexia [Re: Sobernow]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
I saw Cory on strange sex before any of this came out. very interesting stuff


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