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#376559 - 11/23/11 02:08 AM Morbid Daydreams.
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
This should be a good one!

Okay anyone have any morbid daydreams (non sexual)?

I'm curious because I've always kinda had them.

One of my biggest ones is,
If i'm outside at night, alone, I always prepare myself for a mountain lion attack. lol, I know. I play everything out in my head. The sheer strength, size, and speed of the lion and my trying to protect my neck or picking up a shovel.
It's weird but I always end up convincing myself that there's a mountain lion right around the corner, ready to crush me and rip my throat out. BTW I live in the city! lmao!

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

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#376578 - 11/23/11 10:56 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: kinghenri]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
lol

Yes, I think its a ptsd thing. Kinda how war vets with ptsd scan overpasses on the highways or keep an eye on alleyways.

Personally, I'm a construction foreman and I constantly fear and mentally prepare for the worst most ridiculously rare accidents. I can really go over the top with safety measures some times. Coworkers will poke fun at me (all in good fun) when I get overally cautions.

When I walk into a bar or see a concert I always know where the closest exit is, just in case their is a fire.

I can be very morbid at times, my friends always say I have a plan a and plan b for any possible outrages situation.

I think it can be exhausting but at the same time when that mountain lion is waiting for you, you'll be damn ready lol.


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#376580 - 11/23/11 11:21 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Riley]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I am much the same way. I am a front-line worker/1st responder and am always in a state of alert, preparing for the worst, whether it be an accident or to respond to an act of community violence. When I'm at work this mindset is called for and serves me well (given the environment) but being "on" like this even in my off time is definitely draining.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#376582 - 11/23/11 11:47 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: jls]
gjonbos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/11
Posts: 48
Loc: MA
This caught my eye....

I guess what I experience is somewhat similar. If I am walking out and about sometimes, these scenarios play out in my head of a person or a group of people attempting to jump me or someone else in my vicinity....and I of course with catlike agility and martial arts expertise (I have neither) disarm the perps, knock a few punks out, and save the day. If it's not that...it's some genetic mutation (ala X-Men) or superpower that allow me to rid the world of crime. I feel really silly admitting that - but there must be something to it right?

_________________________
"Place your past into a book
Put in everything you ever took
Place your past into a book
Burn the pages let them cook"

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#376584 - 11/23/11 11:57 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: jls]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 598
Loc: VA
CSA is only one of the things that can dispose us to hypervigilance. Me, I probably worry more than average about having a house fire--could it be because I was carried out of a burning house in the middle of the night at age 3? And I find myself very distrustful of drivers when I'm waiting to cross a street--probably a healthy attitude, but am I "hyper" about it because somebody ran a stopsign and hit me when I was 11?

Not whining here, just trying to suggest that we shouldn't be surprised or discouraged that an ugly and intentionally inflicted trauma like CSA has a similar lasting effect. Peace!

John


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#376586 - 11/23/11 12:10 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: unhappycamper]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
I so relate to the fire fear. My sister was killed in a fire when I had just turned 5. The memories of being bussed home from nursery school to an ambulance in our driveway still lingers. For the following 11 years, until I drove myself to school, I anticipated the school bus dropping me off to a house on fire or an ambulance in the driveway.

When I hear sirens, I think they're coming to my apartment building. I'm also a 9/11 "survivor", if the wounds didn't have enough salt poured into them.


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#376590 - 11/23/11 12:55 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: ksequoia]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
yeah - i have the hypervigilance stuff also.

was afraid to go into public restroom for years -- thought someone would jump me - beat me up - stab me - shoot me - rape me. would only go in with another trusted friend or family member. would never go to the restroom at the same time my wife went (at the mall or a store) --- never told her why ---- when she came out - i would say - "i think i better go now - just in case" ----- then would give her something to hold - and say "wait here for me" -------- or in a restaurant -- if i just HAD TO GO - as i left the table - i would tell my wife -- "if im not back in 10 min - look for me".........
THIS AINT NORMAL THINKING and I HATE IT....
But since I have been in recovery -- i am able to pee..........(usually)

Likewise - I look for exits --- rooftops of buildings -- got a conceal/carry permit (but don't carry it) --- sit in the corner of a room facing the door ------- used to carry a 9in section of galvanized pipe in my coat pocket when i was in JR high and HS (my dad was a plumber) ------------ ON AND ON AND ON it goes.

Brother - I UNDERSTAND............ believe me
and I hate it................


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#376591 - 11/23/11 12:57 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Sobernow]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
oh -- btw

I have NEVER been in a fight before -- in my life......

NEVER been jumped or mugged...........

So why can't I stop this crap in my head.
(mindfuck i guess)


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#376608 - 11/23/11 05:40 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Sobernow]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 120
Loc: NY metro
On and off I have had dreams of being attacked while sleeping during a nightime robbery. I've been woken out of many a deep sleep, shaken only to kill the rest of the night trying to reassure myself that everything is ok so I can fall back to sleep.

This is even with both burglar & fire alarms (which are always on) & my 45 in close reach. Even the outside of my house & property are lit up on all four sides, looks like Tony Soprano's house with the lights. Then there's the closed circut cameras mounted outside... What must the neighbors think? No wonder they are so nice to me smile

Something new to throw into the works, now I'm hooked up to a C-pap machine to sleep so that I keep breathing... makes me feel more vulnerable at night. And the sleep study at the hospital, I had to try and sleep knowing that there was a camera on me all night with people watching... They told me I did sleep, but it felt like I never did when they woke me in the morning. I dreaded the sleep study for weeks before, but they were all extremely nice.

When out I allways keep an eye on the doorways & exits, sit in the back or a corner, etc... Public restrooms can be creepy, but will use them if I have to, I'm just on high alert in there.

I may be a tad over the top, but shit does happen, better safe than sorry. Besides, my family benefits from the added safety.


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#376611 - 11/23/11 05:45 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: George]
Drop Offline


Registered: 04/16/11
Posts: 121
i do the same things. Map plans out for things i mentally know won't happen. Or are very unlikely to happen. I also always scan a new area or room and usually notice when something is changed, even if its just a plant or something.
It's kinda exhausting really. 'Normal' minds ignore many things for a reason, after all.

_________________________
Broken eyed and shutdown
Running down the road
Send me straight to hell
Watch me burn, watch me burn

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