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#378150 - 12/04/11 05:37 PM Re: 40 Steps to saving your marriage [Re: whome]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
Martin, bravo. Beautiful work my brother!

Peace
George

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George!

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#378215 - 12/05/11 12:26 AM DAY TWELVE [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
LOVE LETS THE OTHER WIN

You could think of at least ten things that you and you partner disagree about. Being stubborn is not an endearing trait. Really think about the disagreement, is it that big a deal, or is it your own selfish pride.
Think of what stepping back would mean to your partner

TODAYS CHALLENGE

Demonstrate love by willingly giving in to an area of Disagreement between you and your partner. Tell them (without gloating of course) that you are putting their preference first.
Remember that Survivors are all about control, so this challenge holds different meaning for us. Learning to yield would be a big step in your recovery, and your marriage.

Dont give up Brothers
The fight is worth it

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#378218 - 12/05/11 12:40 AM Re: DAY TWELVE [Re: whome]
Incognito Offline


Registered: 04/17/11
Posts: 105
Great posts. There are a lot of awesome reminders on here that can help us along the way, even for the ones who aren't married.

_________________________
"If you're willing to carry the weight, feel the strain, push past the pain, and give more of yourself than others expect of you, the world is yours." - Dave Tate

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#378380 - 12/06/11 12:30 AM DAY THIRTEEN [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
LOVE FIGHTS FAIR

When we marry, we marry not only that perfect person that we fell in love with, we also marry their fears, perceptions, dislikes and insecurities.
So conflict will happen in any marriage as these things start to rear their ugly heads.
It is how we fight and argue that counts.
Sometimes we get personal, this isn't fair, we use so-called confidential information against each other. If we know something private about a friend, we wouldn't throw that into the mix in a fight, so why do we feel "entitled" to do so with our partners.
No Fair.

Today's Challenge

Sit down with your partner, and set out some rules for engagement (in an argument that is).
If the partner isn't up to it, then write out your own list, and stick to the rules that you have set forth.

Stay the course
Martin

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#378534 - 12/07/11 02:42 AM Re: DAY THIRTEEN [Re: whome]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Great idea thanks. Mike


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#378558 - 12/07/11 11:28 AM Re: 40 Steps to saving your marriage [Re: whome]
rws0912 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/14/11
Posts: 12
Loc: Pa
Wow! very true Thank you thiws has really helped; especially today and for this time of year; I will be sure to practice this again Thanks In Peace

RWS


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#378562 - 12/07/11 11:41 AM Re: 40 Steps to saving your marriage [Re: rws0912]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 695
Loc: NJ
I dont know if you want responses on this thread, so if it san issue I'll delete this.

the last piece sorta has "backpack" fighting all over it...Good T and I talked about this laugh

In a fight, argue about the issue, dont open your backpack and throw all the things you have been holding onto into that fight.

this has helped me and the wife tremendously.

H

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#378575 - 12/07/11 02:14 PM DAY FOURTEEN [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
LOVE TAKES DELIGHT

As time goes on, we loose focus and lose why it is that we fell in love with our partners in the first place.
We tend to focus on their negative traits and not on their positive traits.
We all know that where your attention is their your heart is also. So if you focus on the negative that is all we will see. If you focus on the good things that is all you will see. So rather focus on the positives.
We survivors have had enough negatives in our lives.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE.

Purposefully neglect something that you would normally do today, and spend that time with your partner, doing something that he/she would love to do, a project that would like to do.
Just spend time with them


Stay the Course.


_________________________
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#378698 - 12/08/11 01:26 PM DAY FIFTEEN [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
LOVE IS HONOURABLE

To Honour someone means, to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth.
So if you honour someone you would listen to them when they speak, and if they ask for your help, you would do whatever possible to accommodate them. Quite simply you would RESPECT THEM.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE

Choose a way in which to show that you respect your partner, perhaps listen to them, pack away their clothes, open the door for them. Any act that will show that you respect them

Stay the Course
Martin

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#378894 - 12/10/11 04:02 AM DAY SIXTEEN [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
LOVE INTERCEDES

OK, So today might be hard for some of you, but (I interject here)this is an important step, so take it as it comes.
The most effective way to change your partner, is not through nagging, moaning, or begging.
It is through prayer. Prayer that God can change your partners heart, because you sure as hell cant. If you are working this programme with me, it means that the relationship is in trouble, and we need help.
So call on the God of your understanding (I'm being PC here) and ask him to help intercede here.
Remember to be honest with yourself in this one and not ask for help to completely change Her/Him, this wont work.

TODAY'S CHALLENGE

Today call upon the power of prayer, and ask God to change three things in your Partners heart. Be clear about the three things that need changing, ie. Make her more sensitive towards me as a person. Or help her to be more forgiving of my mistakes etc. These are changes that can work. (These are suggestions not instructions, Come up with your own three.)

Stay the course Brothers
PS tomorrows one is a DOOZIE, tune in for this one.

_________________________
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