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#376432 - 11/22/11 04:24 AM Beware of a therapist who
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
WHAT SHOULD I WATCH FOR?

Beware of a therapist who:

Promises you a cure in 10 easy sessions.
Does nothing but hypnosis.
Does nothing but eye-wiggling therapy.
Avoids the analysis of your traumatic memories.
Avoids the words incest, sexual abuse, and rape.
Talks in gobbledygook (scientific terminology that you do not understand).
Talks about Dr. Freud and penis envy.
Constantly reminds you that she is a Ph.D. and knows best.
Only listens, but does not work through your problems.
Talks about other patients.
Often talks about herself.
Tells you white lies about how smart you are.
Tells you that your multiple personality shows how strong you are.
Tells you that your dissociation during your abuse was a very smart thing to do.
Follows her schedule and ignores your immediate difficulties.
Does not seem to have a long-term plan (strategy) for your treatment.
Does not tell you about her treatment plan by the 3rd session.
Gives you no indication where she is going in therapy.
Gives you no idea where you are in therapy.
Discourages you to talk to other victims or to read clinical literature.
Says that she may increase your fee if you turn out to be a difficult case.
Asks you to pay in advance.
Repeatedly looks at her wristwatch.
Brings religion and the supernatural into therapy.
Brags about routinely treating patients who have over 200 personalities.
Claims that you need to learn the right techniques of having sex.
Suggests that you meet him/her privately.
Pays all attention to the physical details of your rape and ignores your trauma.
Does not explain, leaves you guessing what she means, and indirectly projects her assumed mental superiority. (If you know what I mean. If you follow. Are you with me?)

My experience:

Promises you a cure in 10 easy sessions. (Mine was EMDR therapy and how it cured the common cold, cured menstrual cramps, promoted world peace, etc. I fired her).
Does nothing but eye-wiggling therapy. (Had 4 of those.)
Avoids the analysis of your traumatic memories. (All did that)
Avoids the words incest, sexual abuse, and rape. (All but 1.)
Constantly reminds you that she is a Ph.D. and knows best. (Had one that thought religion was therapy. Quit her after 2nd session. She also loved to talk about her experiences.)
Only listens, but does not work through your problems. (All but 2. Two told me I was hopeless. Another one said she had no expertise in CSA and didn't charge me since no treatment--respected her A LOT for that. 4 others should have done the same.)
Talks about other patients.
Often talks about herself. (All but 2.)
Tells you white lies about how smart you are. (All but 1.)
Follows her schedule and ignores your immediate difficulties. (All but 1.)
Does not seem to have a long-term plan (strategy) for your treatment. (None of them had any plan)
Does not tell you about her treatment plan by the 3rd session. (None did and none had one.)
Gives you no indication where she is going in therapy. (All but 1.)
Gives you no idea where you are in therapy.
Discourages you to talk to other victims or to read clinical literature.
Says that she may increase your fee if you turn out to be a difficult case. (I think $200-300 an hour was enough, don't you?)
Asks you to pay in advance.
Repeatedly looks at her wristwatch. (Two did. The clock was behind me.)
Brings religion and the supernatural into therapy. (Fired one of that.)
Brags about routinely treating patients who have over 200 personalities.
Claims that you need to learn the right techniques of having sex. (2 did include the religious nutjob.)
Suggests that you meet him/her privately. (1 did. She wanted to meet over lunches for her convenience basically. Found someone else. She was the $300 an hour one. Go figure. Found out she's no longer a therapist recently. License was revoked.)
Pays all attention to the physical details of your rape and ignores your trauma. (None.)
Does not explain, leaves you guessing what she means, and indirectly projects her assumed mental superiority. (If you know what I mean. If you follow. Are you with me?) The religious one did that.

Get them to give you a plan. After all, they are getting paid really well. If they want to meet outside their office for therapy, ask them "How will that benefit me in a therapeutic sense?" No answer or "trust me." Don't go back.



Edited by phoenix321 (11/22/11 04:26 AM)
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376434 - 11/22/11 08:25 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: phoenix321]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Excellent points. Sorry you had these experiences. For an addional way to interview therapists, check out:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer1.html


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#376437 - 11/22/11 09:07 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
What is "eye wiggling"?. I made an appt yesterday for a new therapist for next Monday. Your post has me apprehensive now, I have to concentrate on all these flaws/characteristics of a bad therapist. Yesterday she just wanted insurance info. I've got to give her a shot. I need therapy more than ever, but now I don't trust her and haven't had one session yet.

K.-


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#376438 - 11/22/11 10:00 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
I've run into some of these therapist problems over the years. E.g., I asked one psychologist what kinds of therapy he offered, and he leaned back and said, "Well, at this point in my career...."

<<<GONG!!>>> Next?

But riddle me this: What do you do if you're still having major relapses after decades, and all your psychiatrist (M.D.) does is suggest a different group of pills? Peace, at a very high price?

John


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#376444 - 11/22/11 11:09 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: unhappycamper]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Some things I've discovered:

Some of these may seem funny, but I think there's a basis in reality for each point.

1. You can get some good preliminary indications about a therapist by the style of the receptionist when you come in. Are they cold and brusque? Or are they friendly and affirming?

2. In my own experience, an indicator is how well the reception room and counseling room are decorated. But it's a negative correlation. The 2 therapists who had very plush, well decorated reception rooms and offices were the most disappointing as counselors.

3. This may not apply outside of my experience, but the 2 therapists who had been on national talk shows were also the least effective as therapists (this does not apply to therapists connected with MS).

4. If you can find out what kind of car the T drives, it's an indicator. If they drive a Jag or a Mercedes or equivalent, then watch out. The same goes for medical doctors. It also applies to other aspects of the commercial world. You can tell a lot about their ethic and mode from the kind of car they drive (and how they drive it).

Puffer

_______________________________________________________
Following are the explanations for my giving the above list:

Quote:

1. You can get some good preliminary indications about a therapist by the style of the receptionist when you come in. Are they cold and brusque? Or are they friendly and affirming?

A therapist will hire a receptionist who represents him (or her) to the public. A wise therapist won't hire a therapist who is grumpy with the people who come in. Therapists sometimes hire one of their advanced clients.

Quote:

2. In my own experience, an indicator is how well the reception room and counseling room are decorated. But it's a negative correlation. The 2 therapists who had very plush, well decorated reception rooms and offices were the most disappointing as counselors.

I once saw a very well-dressed T. He was very narcissistic. Narcissism means that they usually can't be very interested in you. They are very self-centered. I think that much the same reasons apply to how they choose and decorate their facilities.

Quote:

3. This may not apply outside of my experience, but the 2 therapists who had been on national talk shows were also the least effective as therapists (this does not apply to therapists connected with MS).

Being on a national talk show usually requires a very different skill set than being a therapist. They have to have an instinct enabling them to know how to present themselves to the public. There are notable exceptions to this. I mention specifically as exceptions the therapists who are associated with MS (Male Survivor).
Quote:

4. If you can find out what kind of car the T drives, it's an indicator. If they drive a Jag or a Mercedes or equivalent, then watch out. The same goes for medical doctors. It also applies to other aspects of the commercial world. You can tell a lot about their ethic and mode from the kind of car they drive (and how they drive it).

The kind of car a person chooses to drive tells a lot about their personality and what they want out of life. I sometimes make a game of this just with myself as I observe people on the road. Who drives what? Some people drive big powerful trucks - sometimes it's required by their job, but for some it is making a statement about their personal goals. For example, what would Lord Farquad (from Shrek) drive?





Edited by pufferfish (11/22/11 01:27 PM)

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#376446 - 11/22/11 11:24 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: pufferfish]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
I agree on the car relationship to the driver. Big time.

I just don't like having to have my guard up unnecessarily when this woman may actually be able to help me. I feel like I'm sabotaging the outcome before I begin.

Though I do need and appreciate everyone's comments. Please keep them coming. Share your experiences, positive of negative, about your therapists.

Thanks,

K.-

PS: Does this site (MS) actually have T's they recommend in various cities? Having trouble navigating through all the info.

Thanks.


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#376453 - 11/22/11 12:08 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Yes.

MS has a page allocated to finding a therapist:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/resource-directory.php

They are arranged according to location. There are lots of good therapists who are not in this list.

There is also help for finding a support group:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/support-groups.php

Puffer


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#376457 - 11/22/11 12:29 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
A major guide to finding a therapist is to look at this website.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

Remember that this is like the "yellow pages". It won't evaluate the therapists like a consumer's report or something. The way to use it is to look first by your location or a nearby large city.

Use your intelligence. I deselected a therapist once on the basis that they were located in a wealthy neighborhood. If they are mainly after money, then their motivation is probably wrong. I'm not saying they shouldn't get paid. They have to live and eat and usually their counseling job is their way of providing their living.

Following is a list of criteria for you to deselect a T:
If they are of a philosophical persuasion contrary to yours.
If they don't take your particular insurance arrangement. If their fee schedule is high.
If they won't work with you on a repayment plan
If they specialize in something you don't have or need, like schizophrenia

Training is important but not crucial. A therapist with a medical degree (M.D.) will probably emphasize medications. But some will need this. They will charge a lot more, usually.

Some therapists have a Ph.D. (earned doctorate but not a medical doctor). That is great but how much do they charge for it? I'm not against education by any means. A lot of therapists have doctorates.*

Do they know how to be compassionate?

Some people have a natural gift for counseling and helping others, and by contrast some don't. In my opinion this is the most important single criterion. How do you find this out? If you can, talk to people who have already been their clients and who recommend them. I used to know a nurse who had a talent for knowing who to see for what.

Puffer

* The idea of having a doctorate needs to be evaluated in terms of what the person learned when getting it. Some are great. Some are questionable. I went to a university and took the standard course in psychology. The first day of class the professor announced that: 'This class will probably not help you understand your roommate.' She was right. The whole course was about behavioral psychology and understanding the white rat. That course turned me off to that branch of psychology. I don't think they got to first base in understanding people. It was about rewarding and punishment of white rats. I recently learned that the author of our textbook for that course participated in experiments on human beings, using what seems to me as inhumane techniques.



Edited by pufferfish (11/22/11 03:40 PM)

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#376459 - 11/22/11 12:34 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: pufferfish]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Thanks for the links. I reviewed the info. How on earth to people pay these outrageous therapy rates? Good God!


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#376470 - 11/22/11 01:36 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: ksequoia
Thanks for the links. I reviewed the info. How on earth to people pay these outrageous therapy rates? Good God!


That is a real problem. Will we feel abused over again by the fee schedules of the therapists?

Notice there are big differences in fees charged. Some charitable organizations will subsidize all or part of the fee. I've seen a therapist who is part of the ministry of a large church. There are several such churches here in this town. Sometimes there are services provide by governmental enterprises. Some people have insurance plans which pay pretty well. Usually insurance only pays part, and it will pay for some types of expenses and not others. Some can go to therapy as part of their previous military experience.

Puffer


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#376491 - 11/22/11 02:38 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2436
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

My thoughts about my T sessions & therapists.

My first one was a military T. In Germany. A jack of all trades psychologist. He did help me first off as I got to tell my secrets to a human being face to face. Thought that after that one session it was all over. I told!
He had my wife come to two sessions and I got the feeling that he was more interested in saving my marriage. Than in saving me. We had about 18 T sessions together. I'll admit he did help me in a way.

I was already in the process of coming back to the USA and Texas. So I went into this sites list of therapists. There were only two listed whom dealt with CSA cases only. Neither one within 100+ miles from where i was going to live. One gave me a telephone interview while I was still in Germany.
She accepted me as a new patient and gave me my first appointment within a day after I arrived back in the USA. At first she was very helpful for me. But when it got into my homosexuality and that I admitted to having a few sessions with my cousin while being in therapy with her.
She came down on me with a ton of bricks. Incest Peter don't you understand that? Nope sure don't. I never had a family nor knew about the family structure. As far as relationships were concerned. It was a homosexual affair between two consenting adult males. Peter it is incest anyway that you want to slice it. It was wrong and I am thinking of cancelling our association. She was going to try and have me removed from attending a WoR that i was accepted to attend in a few weeks.
She had judged me based on her religious beliefs. She had over stepped her professional and ethical boundary. I went looking for better support else where. When I did have a place to go to I got rid of her.

By chance a nurse at the VA medical center where i go to for my health care had noticed my MaleSurvivor T-shirt. She asked me what it meant. I told her a bit about me.
Well, they were starting up something new there. They were going to form a PTSD sexual abuse group, but they need a certain number of confirmed participants. So I gladly accepted to be a part of it. Then I find out that it is going to be a mixed group male & female. Well I made my reservations and feelings of being in it known. I will be out of my comfort and safety zone amongst females. But I'll give it my best shot. It was for 12 weeks. Each week we had an assignment to accomplish. We were to challenge our beliefs on our emotions and feelings about the various assignments. Example, on our self-esteem. The most traumatic event that you experienced. Trust, safety, etc. I went to all of them. I had butted heads with my/our T about me always mentioning talking to little Pete. On how we had come to fall in love with our perp. Seems like he just didn't understand me at all. He didn't recognise that I was going way too deep into myself doing the assignment about what one of our sexual encounters between Ralph and I was like. The sounds, the smells, the feelings, the tastes, etc. It was a week later that I would have myself locked up at their mental facility from having thoughts of harming myself. He never mentioned it to me after I was released. He was another Ph.D that was a jack of all trades and master of none. His as far as I am concerned expertise was in dealing with us military war time veterans and our PTSD memories of that. He wasn't into one on one T sessions, so I finally gave up on therapists after about a hundred or so sessions in a year and a half.

Personally, I have gotten more in reading the various guides that are available to us. Victims No Longer. Beyond Betrayal. Evicting The Perpetrator, etc.

Where I have had the most rewarding and healing help is during those emotionally exhausting WoR's (weekends of recovery). Sure they are expensive to attend. They are usually a thousand miles away. But no where else have I ever received that genuine compassion, understanding, love & hope. Not only from the facilitators whom have given me their total attention, but also from those other "strangers" who would soon become one of my fraternal brothers. There were no secrets there. We knew more about each other than perhaps our wives and families ever did. No shame there. No guilt. No judgement. Just genuine love for another human being that had walked in their shoes.

My take on therapists. I'm sure that there are some very capable ones out there. But with out us trusting and sort of bonding with them, they are few and far between. No matter how expensive or cheap for their services.

Hoping that we all find someone who will understand us, who have walked in our shoes. As they will truely understand all about talking to a little boy who is standing right in front of them as a man.

Heal well, my fraternal brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#376493 - 11/22/11 02:47 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: petercorbett]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Thanks, Pete. I'd love to attend a WoR, it's a definite can-do for me, but my understanding is that a participant needs to have a letter of recommendation from his therapist. Is that true???

Thanks again,

K.-


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#376504 - 11/22/11 05:33 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2436
Loc: TEXAS
My brother.

No, you do not need a letter of recommendation from anybody.

But, when you sign up for a WoR you will get a telephone interview from one of the facilitators. He/she will ask you a series of questions. Then either you are accepted to attend or not.

I have never heard of anyone being rejected. However, there are only a limited number of spaces available.

I will guarantee you that if you ever get to attend one,it will change your life, forever.

I will warn you that it is an emotionally exhausting experience. But the rewards are worth every tear that you will shed.

Wishing you a happy & healing Thanksgiving weekend.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#376511 - 11/22/11 06:16 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: petercorbett]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Thanks. Peter. I don't know where I read that. I just looked over the WoR schedule and hoping for Connecticut in June. don't mind being interviewed. Bunking with a roomie, I don't know about. Not today, anyway.

On therapists, I just went thru my insurance carriers list - UBH - and the pickins are slim. The woman I'm seeing next week is not on the list, sooooo, I may have to bail unless we work something out.

I will absolutely NOT do a church sponsored therapy thing. The church will crumble like the House of Usher when I walk inside.
Pastor issues anyway.

Thanks for all your info and support.

K.-


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#376520 - 11/22/11 06:47 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Wow, phoenix, what a list! Sorry you had all those experiences.

I can add a few more to your list of ones to avoid:


1. T's who fall asleep during your session while you're talking to them (incredibly, yes, he did).
2. T's who have a bed in their office that they recline on during your session. (Do you think you could trigger me any more than you are now?!?!?!)
3. T's who tell you that you were just born the way you are (messed up in the head), it had nothing to do with being raped as a child.

_________________________
Eddie

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#376528 - 11/22/11 08:16 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: EGL]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 407
Loc: west coast
Sorry so many have had such troubling encounters, like its not already hard enough.

I have had some less than great things, but some AMAZING help too.

I am not honestly sure if I would be where I am without their insight and guidance.

The key - Experience especially in both , trauma (ptsd) and sexual abuse. Body stuff is crazy helpful too. ITs not just a memory. There are emotions and physical responses wrapped up in that frozen moment(s). So thats why just talking bout it, may not be enuf.

WoR is great too.

It all helps, just wish it worked faster. I guess we have to come to things when we get there. I know its not a race but sometimes i sure wish it was over.

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#376542 - 11/22/11 11:56 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Apprehensive is a good thing to have even if you're seeing one listed on this website. Interview them too. If a T doesn't like being interview during 1st session, never go back. They are worthless.

Thanks, Ken.

Ask "why they are a therapist?" It is a real good question to always ask. I find ones that had stuff happen to them are the best because they've been there. If they give you the B.S. "I wanted to help people" answer, stay clear unless they give a good reason. Like docs, some are really hung up on themselves. Only one I saw that had an abusive past and she was the best one. Her mom was mentally abusive. We didn't talk about it till near the end of our conversations.

No offense to any Ts but the absolute worst I've ever had were at a huge practice.

The car thing is a general thought but my first one drove a Porsche but it was her husband that was loaded not her. She was the only one I'd even consider paying again.

Considering one violated my privacy, search any through the state license to see if they've been sued or have complaints no matter how recommended they are.

Therapists get a lot of power talking to you. I bet you would interview a plumber and check their competence and BBB ratings before hiring them. Do the same with a T.

Offices - private, comfy, clean, quiet offices. I remember going to a Neurologist once and his office was a cubby hole in the hospital. I said, "Why do you have such a dumpy office?" He said, I'm rarely here. Haha. Seriously, the office should be quiet and comfy. If it's comfy and noisy (hear outside the door), no dice. It also doesn't have to look like a damn office with gold handles either. It shouldn't be a paper mess either. If it has neat stacks of files, fine. If their desk is a mess, how are they going to work on your file?

Other big thing -- If they don't remember your last visit and start off with "What were we talking about?", run. If they change your appts and don't apologize and say why, find someone else. It's your money not theirs.

Get their plan for you. Ask if they do that in the 1st session. Ask for a copy. If they refuse, they don't have one. Shrinks with an M.D.? If me, I'd pass. M.D. just means drugs.

Christian Counseling - Most have NO credentials or license. A lot of learned psychologists and psychiatrists I've read say they need to stop promoting a religion and use psychology. The CC bunch says the opposite about regular shrinks. If you want god, go to church. I think all of them are kooks. Up to you. The religious nutjob that was mine wasn't a CC but she was worse than the one interested in screwing me to be honest. They also seem to be more expensive than a shrink. Why? I still don't get that one.

The bottom line is it's difficult to find a great one but easy to find one that is useless if you ask questions. Peace.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376543 - 11/23/11 12:01 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: phoenix321]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Of, my other pet peeve. Paying for online therapy. I think it's absolute crap. Up to you. Phone therapy is okay but not email.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376545 - 11/23/11 12:06 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: petercorbett]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Sorry about your experiences with Ts. I have no use for most either.

What exactly happens during WoR? I have no money for it but what is so great about it? What do they do? Even though I've read about it, I wouldn't shell out that kind of cash unless they make the de>
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376546 - 11/23/11 12:11 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: EGL]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: EGL
Wow, phoenix, what a list! Sorry you had all those experiences.

I can add a few more to your list of ones to avoid:


1. T's who fall asleep during your session while you're talking to them (incredibly, yes, he did).
2. T's who have a bed in their office that they recline on during your session. (Do you think you could trigger me any more than you are now?!?!?!)
3. T's who tell you that you were just born the way you are (messed up in the head), it had nothing to do with being raped as a child.


Gee, sorry, dude.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376560 - 11/23/11 02:40 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: phoenix321]
NewSummer Offline


Registered: 09/01/11
Posts: 59
Loc: Surrey BC
My worst T was christian, so speaking of being gay was not an option. I was labled "addicted"..to men. Yes, I was rather permiscuous, and acting out far to often to be healthy..but truth is, I was gay. Period...and after all our sessions and years later all I remember him saying, that I still believe today is " You are not very good at predicting the future, are you?" He never got to the core issue of CSA. He was more concerned with me being an addict.
This T failed me almost completely...
I am starting with another T tomorrow and looking forward to dealing with yet another layer of pain. I will be a better man for it.

_________________________
life is what happens while you make other plans- John Lennon

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#376566 - 11/23/11 09:27 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: NewSummer]
NewSummer Offline


Registered: 09/01/11
Posts: 59
Loc: Surrey BC
I was not an addict. I am gay. He was incapable of seeing past his belief and there for failed as a therapist.

_________________________
life is what happens while you make other plans- John Lennon

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#376571 - 11/23/11 10:04 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: phoenix321]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Wow, guys. Looks like I need to wear battle armor for next Monday. I'll still keep my hopes high and expectations low. All of your points are good ones, and I thank you.

K.-



Edited by ksequoia (11/23/11 10:05 AM)
Edit Reason: spelling

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#376577 - 11/23/11 10:46 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1666
I was fortunate-I seemed to have found an excellent therapist on the first try. He was open, concerned that we could we together, solicited questions, concerns issues and I left feeling comfortable. I think your comfort level will be a good indication on how the session went. Good luck and if not right for you, there are other therapists out there.


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#376583 - 11/23/11 11:52 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: pufferfish]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
Originally Posted By: ksequoia
Thanks for the links. I reviewed the info. How on earth to people pay these outrageous therapy rates? Good God!


That is a real problem. Will we feel abused over again by the fee schedules of the therapists?

Notice there are big differences in fees charged. Some charitable organizations will subsidize all or part of the fee. I've seen a therapist who is part of the ministry of a large church. There are several such churches here in this town. Sometimes there are services provide by governmental enterprises. Some people have insurance plans which pay pretty well. Usually insurance only pays part, and it will pay for some types of expenses and not others. Some can go to therapy as part of their previous military experience.

Puffer



I definitely get what your saying. I have no problem with a therapist charging a fee. The problem I have is with wonder if the therapist is only seeing me because they get paid to. $2-3 a minute basically. Think about it. Lots of things cost $2-3 a minute. In those other situations, you are getting a value. With a therapist, you have no idea if they are good, if they suck, if they know anything about your problem, etc. Perhaps therapists should not charge for the 1st visit or charge an office visit of $50. That way both the patient and the therapist can see if it would work out. No strings attached.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376585 - 11/23/11 12:03 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: phoenix321]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Excellent Idea. There are a few that offer a free consultation. They're the exception to the norm.


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