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#376491 - 11/22/11 02:38 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

My thoughts about my T sessions & therapists.

My first one was a military T. In Germany. A jack of all trades psychologist. He did help me first off as I got to tell my secrets to a human being face to face. Thought that after that one session it was all over. I told!
He had my wife come to two sessions and I got the feeling that he was more interested in saving my marriage. Than in saving me. We had about 18 T sessions together. I'll admit he did help me in a way.

I was already in the process of coming back to the USA and Texas. So I went into this sites list of therapists. There were only two listed whom dealt with CSA cases only. Neither one within 100+ miles from where i was going to live. One gave me a telephone interview while I was still in Germany.
She accepted me as a new patient and gave me my first appointment within a day after I arrived back in the USA. At first she was very helpful for me. But when it got into my homosexuality and that I admitted to having a few sessions with my cousin while being in therapy with her.
She came down on me with a ton of bricks. Incest Peter don't you understand that? Nope sure don't. I never had a family nor knew about the family structure. As far as relationships were concerned. It was a homosexual affair between two consenting adult males. Peter it is incest anyway that you want to slice it. It was wrong and I am thinking of cancelling our association. She was going to try and have me removed from attending a WoR that i was accepted to attend in a few weeks.
She had judged me based on her religious beliefs. She had over stepped her professional and ethical boundary. I went looking for better support else where. When I did have a place to go to I got rid of her.

By chance a nurse at the VA medical center where i go to for my health care had noticed my MaleSurvivor T-shirt. She asked me what it meant. I told her a bit about me.
Well, they were starting up something new there. They were going to form a PTSD sexual abuse group, but they need a certain number of confirmed participants. So I gladly accepted to be a part of it. Then I find out that it is going to be a mixed group male & female. Well I made my reservations and feelings of being in it known. I will be out of my comfort and safety zone amongst females. But I'll give it my best shot. It was for 12 weeks. Each week we had an assignment to accomplish. We were to challenge our beliefs on our emotions and feelings about the various assignments. Example, on our self-esteem. The most traumatic event that you experienced. Trust, safety, etc. I went to all of them. I had butted heads with my/our T about me always mentioning talking to little Pete. On how we had come to fall in love with our perp. Seems like he just didn't understand me at all. He didn't recognise that I was going way too deep into myself doing the assignment about what one of our sexual encounters between Ralph and I was like. The sounds, the smells, the feelings, the tastes, etc. It was a week later that I would have myself locked up at their mental facility from having thoughts of harming myself. He never mentioned it to me after I was released. He was another Ph.D that was a jack of all trades and master of none. His as far as I am concerned expertise was in dealing with us military war time veterans and our PTSD memories of that. He wasn't into one on one T sessions, so I finally gave up on therapists after about a hundred or so sessions in a year and a half.

Personally, I have gotten more in reading the various guides that are available to us. Victims No Longer. Beyond Betrayal. Evicting The Perpetrator, etc.

Where I have had the most rewarding and healing help is during those emotionally exhausting WoR's (weekends of recovery). Sure they are expensive to attend. They are usually a thousand miles away. But no where else have I ever received that genuine compassion, understanding, love & hope. Not only from the facilitators whom have given me their total attention, but also from those other "strangers" who would soon become one of my fraternal brothers. There were no secrets there. We knew more about each other than perhaps our wives and families ever did. No shame there. No guilt. No judgement. Just genuine love for another human being that had walked in their shoes.

My take on therapists. I'm sure that there are some very capable ones out there. But with out us trusting and sort of bonding with them, they are few and far between. No matter how expensive or cheap for their services.

Hoping that we all find someone who will understand us, who have walked in our shoes. As they will truely understand all about talking to a little boy who is standing right in front of them as a man.

Heal well, my fraternal brothers, heal well.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#376493 - 11/22/11 02:47 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: petercorbett]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Thanks, Pete. I'd love to attend a WoR, it's a definite can-do for me, but my understanding is that a participant needs to have a letter of recommendation from his therapist. Is that true???

Thanks again,

K.-


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#376504 - 11/22/11 05:33 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
My brother.

No, you do not need a letter of recommendation from anybody.

But, when you sign up for a WoR you will get a telephone interview from one of the facilitators. He/she will ask you a series of questions. Then either you are accepted to attend or not.

I have never heard of anyone being rejected. However, there are only a limited number of spaces available.

I will guarantee you that if you ever get to attend one,it will change your life, forever.

I will warn you that it is an emotionally exhausting experience. But the rewards are worth every tear that you will shed.

Wishing you a happy & healing Thanksgiving weekend.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#376511 - 11/22/11 06:16 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: petercorbett]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Thanks. Peter. I don't know where I read that. I just looked over the WoR schedule and hoping for Connecticut in June. don't mind being interviewed. Bunking with a roomie, I don't know about. Not today, anyway.

On therapists, I just went thru my insurance carriers list - UBH - and the pickins are slim. The woman I'm seeing next week is not on the list, sooooo, I may have to bail unless we work something out.

I will absolutely NOT do a church sponsored therapy thing. The church will crumble like the House of Usher when I walk inside.
Pastor issues anyway.

Thanks for all your info and support.

K.-


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#376520 - 11/22/11 06:47 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: ksequoia]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Wow, phoenix, what a list! Sorry you had all those experiences.

I can add a few more to your list of ones to avoid:


1. T's who fall asleep during your session while you're talking to them (incredibly, yes, he did).
2. T's who have a bed in their office that they recline on during your session. (Do you think you could trigger me any more than you are now?!?!?!)
3. T's who tell you that you were just born the way you are (messed up in the head), it had nothing to do with being raped as a child.

_________________________
Eddie

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#376528 - 11/22/11 08:16 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: EGL]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 398
Loc: west coast
Sorry so many have had such troubling encounters, like its not already hard enough.

I have had some less than great things, but some AMAZING help too.

I am not honestly sure if I would be where I am without their insight and guidance.

The key - Experience especially in both , trauma (ptsd) and sexual abuse. Body stuff is crazy helpful too. ITs not just a memory. There are emotions and physical responses wrapped up in that frozen moment(s). So thats why just talking bout it, may not be enuf.

WoR is great too.

It all helps, just wish it worked faster. I guess we have to come to things when we get there. I know its not a race but sometimes i sure wish it was over.

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#376542 - 11/22/11 11:56 PM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Apprehensive is a good thing to have even if you're seeing one listed on this website. Interview them too. If a T doesn't like being interview during 1st session, never go back. They are worthless.

Thanks, Ken.

Ask "why they are a therapist?" It is a real good question to always ask. I find ones that had stuff happen to them are the best because they've been there. If they give you the B.S. "I wanted to help people" answer, stay clear unless they give a good reason. Like docs, some are really hung up on themselves. Only one I saw that had an abusive past and she was the best one. Her mom was mentally abusive. We didn't talk about it till near the end of our conversations.

No offense to any Ts but the absolute worst I've ever had were at a huge practice.

The car thing is a general thought but my first one drove a Porsche but it was her husband that was loaded not her. She was the only one I'd even consider paying again.

Considering one violated my privacy, search any through the state license to see if they've been sued or have complaints no matter how recommended they are.

Therapists get a lot of power talking to you. I bet you would interview a plumber and check their competence and BBB ratings before hiring them. Do the same with a T.

Offices - private, comfy, clean, quiet offices. I remember going to a Neurologist once and his office was a cubby hole in the hospital. I said, "Why do you have such a dumpy office?" He said, I'm rarely here. Haha. Seriously, the office should be quiet and comfy. If it's comfy and noisy (hear outside the door), no dice. It also doesn't have to look like a damn office with gold handles either. It shouldn't be a paper mess either. If it has neat stacks of files, fine. If their desk is a mess, how are they going to work on your file?

Other big thing -- If they don't remember your last visit and start off with "What were we talking about?", run. If they change your appts and don't apologize and say why, find someone else. It's your money not theirs.

Get their plan for you. Ask if they do that in the 1st session. Ask for a copy. If they refuse, they don't have one. Shrinks with an M.D.? If me, I'd pass. M.D. just means drugs.

Christian Counseling - Most have NO credentials or license. A lot of learned psychologists and psychiatrists I've read say they need to stop promoting a religion and use psychology. The CC bunch says the opposite about regular shrinks. If you want god, go to church. I think all of them are kooks. Up to you. The religious nutjob that was mine wasn't a CC but she was worse than the one interested in screwing me to be honest. They also seem to be more expensive than a shrink. Why? I still don't get that one.

The bottom line is it's difficult to find a great one but easy to find one that is useless if you ask questions. Peace.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376543 - 11/23/11 12:01 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: phoenix321]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Of, my other pet peeve. Paying for online therapy. I think it's absolute crap. Up to you. Phone therapy is okay but not email.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#376545 - 11/23/11 12:06 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: petercorbett]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Sorry about your experiences with Ts. I have no use for most either.

What exactly happens during WoR? I have no money for it but what is so great about it? What do they do? Even though I've read about it, I wouldn't shell out that kind of cash unless they make the de>
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#376546 - 11/23/11 12:11 AM Re: Beware of a therapist who [Re: EGL]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: EGL
Wow, phoenix, what a list! Sorry you had all those experiences.

I can add a few more to your list of ones to avoid:


1. T's who fall asleep during your session while you're talking to them (incredibly, yes, he did).
2. T's who have a bed in their office that they recline on during your session. (Do you think you could trigger me any more than you are now?!?!?!)
3. T's who tell you that you were just born the way you are (messed up in the head), it had nothing to do with being raped as a child.


Gee, sorry, dude.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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