WHAT SHOULD I WATCH FOR?

Beware of a therapist who:

Promises you a cure in 10 easy sessions.
Does nothing but hypnosis.
Does nothing but eye-wiggling therapy.
Avoids the analysis of your traumatic memories.
Avoids the words incest, sexual abuse, and rape.
Talks in gobbledygook (scientific terminology that you do not understand).
Talks about Dr. Freud and penis envy.
Constantly reminds you that she is a Ph.D. and knows best.
Only listens, but does not work through your problems.
Talks about other patients.
Often talks about herself.
Tells you white lies about how smart you are.
Tells you that your multiple personality shows how strong you are.
Tells you that your dissociation during your abuse was a very smart thing to do.
Follows her schedule and ignores your immediate difficulties.
Does not seem to have a long-term plan (strategy) for your treatment.
Does not tell you about her treatment plan by the 3rd session.
Gives you no indication where she is going in therapy.
Gives you no idea where you are in therapy.
Discourages you to talk to other victims or to read clinical literature.
Says that she may increase your fee if you turn out to be a difficult case.
Asks you to pay in advance.
Repeatedly looks at her wristwatch.
Brings religion and the supernatural into therapy.
Brags about routinely treating patients who have over 200 personalities.
Claims that you need to learn the right techniques of having sex.
Suggests that you meet him/her privately.
Pays all attention to the physical details of your rape and ignores your trauma.
Does not explain, leaves you guessing what she means, and indirectly projects her assumed mental superiority. (If you know what I mean. If you follow. Are you with me?)

My experience:

Promises you a cure in 10 easy sessions. (Mine was EMDR therapy and how it cured the common cold, cured menstrual cramps, promoted world peace, etc. I fired her).
Does nothing but eye-wiggling therapy. (Had 4 of those.)
Avoids the analysis of your traumatic memories. (All did that)
Avoids the words incest, sexual abuse, and rape. (All but 1.)
Constantly reminds you that she is a Ph.D. and knows best. (Had one that thought religion was therapy. Quit her after 2nd session. She also loved to talk about her experiences.)
Only listens, but does not work through your problems. (All but 2. Two told me I was hopeless. Another one said she had no expertise in CSA and didn't charge me since no treatment--respected her A LOT for that. 4 others should have done the same.)
Talks about other patients.
Often talks about herself. (All but 2.)
Tells you white lies about how smart you are. (All but 1.)
Follows her schedule and ignores your immediate difficulties. (All but 1.)
Does not seem to have a long-term plan (strategy) for your treatment. (None of them had any plan)
Does not tell you about her treatment plan by the 3rd session. (None did and none had one.)
Gives you no indication where she is going in therapy. (All but 1.)
Gives you no idea where you are in therapy.
Discourages you to talk to other victims or to read clinical literature.
Says that she may increase your fee if you turn out to be a difficult case. (I think $200-300 an hour was enough, don't you?)
Asks you to pay in advance.
Repeatedly looks at her wristwatch. (Two did. The clock was behind me.)
Brings religion and the supernatural into therapy. (Fired one of that.)
Brags about routinely treating patients who have over 200 personalities.
Claims that you need to learn the right techniques of having sex. (2 did include the religious nutjob.)
Suggests that you meet him/her privately. (1 did. She wanted to meet over lunches for her convenience basically. Found someone else. She was the $300 an hour one. Go figure. Found out she's no longer a therapist recently. License was revoked.)
Pays all attention to the physical details of your rape and ignores your trauma. (None.)
Does not explain, leaves you guessing what she means, and indirectly projects her assumed mental superiority. (If you know what I mean. If you follow. Are you with me?) The religious one did that.

Get them to give you a plan. After all, they are getting paid really well. If they want to meet outside their office for therapy, ask them "How will that benefit me in a therapeutic sense?" No answer or "trust me." Don't go back.

Excellent points. Sorry you had these experiences. For an addional way to interview therapists, check out:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer1.html

What is "eye wiggling"?. I made an appt yesterday for a new therapist for next Monday. Your post has me apprehensive now, I have to concentrate on all these flaws/characteristics of a bad therapist. Yesterday she just wanted insurance info. I've got to give her a shot. I need therapy more than ever, but now I don't trust her and haven't had one session yet.

K.-

I've run into some of these therapist problems over the years. E.g., I asked one psychologist what kinds of therapy he offered, and he leaned back and said, "Well, at this point in my career...."

<<<GONG!!>>> Next?

But riddle me this: What do you do if you're still having major relapses after decades, and all your psychiatrist (M.D.) does is suggest a different group of pills? Peace, at a very high price?

John

Some things I've discovered:

Some of these may seem funny, but I think there's a basis in reality for each point.

1. You can get some good preliminary indications about a therapist by the style of the receptionist when you come in. Are they cold and brusque? Or are they friendly and affirming?

2. In my own experience, an indicator is how well the reception room and counseling room are decorated. But it's a negative correlation. The 2 therapists who had very plush, well decorated reception rooms and offices were the most disappointing as counselors.

3. This may not apply outside of my experience, but the 2 therapists who had been on national talk shows were also the least effective as therapists (this does not apply to therapists connected with MS).

4. If you can find out what kind of car the T drives, it's an indicator. If they drive a Jag or a Mercedes or equivalent, then watch out. The same goes for medical doctors. It also applies to other aspects of the commercial world. You can tell a lot about their ethic and mode from the kind of car they drive (and how they drive it).

Puffer

_______________________________________________________
Following are the explanations for my giving the above list:


A therapist will hire a receptionist who represents him (or her) to the public. A wise therapist won't hire a therapist who is grumpy with the people who come in. Therapists sometimes hire one of their advanced clients.


I once saw a very well-dressed T. He was very narcissistic. Narcissism means that they usually can't be very interested in you. They are very self-centered. I think that much the same reasons apply to how they choose and decorate their facilities.


Being on a national talk show usually requires a very different skill set than being a therapist. They have to have an instinct enabling them to know how to present themselves to the public. There are notable exceptions to this. I mention specifically as exceptions the therapists who are associated with MS (Male Survivor).

The kind of car a person chooses to drive tells a lot about their personality and what they want out of life. I sometimes make a game of this just with myself as I observe people on the road. Who drives what? Some people drive big powerful trucks - sometimes it's required by their job, but for some it is making a statement about their personal goals. For example, what would Lord Farquad (from Shrek) drive?

I agree on the car relationship to the driver. Big time.

I just don't like having to have my guard up unnecessarily when this woman may actually be able to help me. I feel like I'm sabotaging the outcome before I begin.

Though I do need and appreciate everyone's comments. Please keep them coming. Share your experiences, positive of negative, about your therapists.

Thanks,

K.-

PS: Does this site (MS) actually have T's they recommend in various cities? Having trouble navigating through all the info.

Thanks.

Yes.

MS has a page allocated to finding a therapist:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/resource-directory.php

They are arranged according to location. There are lots of good therapists who are not in this list.

There is also help for finding a support group:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/support-groups.php

Puffer

A major guide to finding a therapist is to look at this website.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

Remember that this is like the "yellow pages". It won't evaluate the therapists like a consumer's report or something. The way to use it is to look first by your location or a nearby large city.

Use your intelligence. I deselected a therapist once on the basis that they were located in a wealthy neighborhood. If they are mainly after money, then their motivation is probably wrong. I'm not saying they shouldn't get paid. They have to live and eat and usually their counseling job is their way of providing their living.

Following is a list of criteria for you to deselect a T:
If they are of a philosophical persuasion contrary to yours.
If they don't take your particular insurance arrangement. If their fee schedule is high.
If they won't work with you on a repayment plan
If they specialize in something you don't have or need, like schizophrenia

Training is important but not crucial. A therapist with a medical degree (M.D.) will probably emphasize medications. But some will need this. They will charge a lot more, usually.

Some therapists have a Ph.D. (earned doctorate but not a medical doctor). That is great but how much do they charge for it? I'm not against education by any means. A lot of therapists have doctorates.*

Do they know how to be compassionate?

Some people have a natural gift for counseling and helping others, and by contrast some don't. In my opinion this is the most important single criterion. How do you find this out? If you can, talk to people who have already been their clients and who recommend them. I used to know a nurse who had a talent for knowing who to see for what.

Puffer

* The idea of having a doctorate needs to be evaluated in terms of what the person learned when getting it. Some are great. Some are questionable. I went to a university and took the standard course in psychology. The first day of class the professor announced that: 'This class will probably not help you understand your roommate.' She was right. The whole course was about behavioral psychology and understanding the white rat. That course turned me off to that branch of psychology. I don't think they got to first base in understanding people. It was about rewarding and punishment of white rats. I recently learned that the author of our textbook for that course participated in experiments on human beings, using what seems to me as inhumane techniques.

Thanks for the links. I reviewed the info. How on earth to people pay these outrageous therapy rates? Good God!

That is a real problem. Will we feel abused over again by the fee schedules of the therapists?

Notice there are big differences in fees charged. Some charitable organizations will subsidize all or part of the fee. I've seen a therapist who is part of the ministry of a large church. There are several such churches here in this town. Sometimes there are services provide by governmental enterprises. Some people have insurance plans which pay pretty well. Usually insurance only pays part, and it will pay for some types of expenses and not others. Some can go to therapy as part of their previous military experience.

Puffer