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#376037 - 11/19/11 10:53 AM Long sleeves or short sleeves?
GoodHope Offline

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 426
My husband and I were talking about the uselessness of comparing trauma. Abuse is abuse. He said it is kind of like what they do in war torn countries like Sierra Leone. The armed militia hack limbs off with machetes. Often, before they strike, they ask the person, "do you want long sleeves or short sleeves" to determine whether they will chop at the wrist or above the elbow. As you can imagine, it probably matters very little where the machete strikes.

Everyone who comes to this board is traumatized in some way because of CSA.

Long sleeves, or short sleeves?

Wife of a survivor

#376038 - 11/19/11 11:09 AM Re: Long sleeves or short sleeves? [Re: GoodHope]
Chet Offline

Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 16
Loc: Kingsport, TN
Just in my short time here, (2 weeks), I have already discovered by reading the stories & listening to other survivors that
we all have different stories, but our pain is the same.


#376041 - 11/19/11 11:27 AM Re: Long sleeves or short sleeves? [Re: Chet]
hopeandtry Offline

Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
I agree. It drives me absolutely bananas when people try to compare pain like "Oh it only happened once" or (toward supporters) "You weren't the one abused." It's all different kinds of pain. It all hurts in the end, just in different ways. Do I think my life has been easier than my ex? Yes, but that doesn't mean I don't have some SERIOUS pain, much of it as secondary abuse.

My ex once tried to tell me that I had never really had anything bad happen to me in my life. Um, yeah...I had...apparently he didn't count what he did to hurt me as "bad." (Not to mention plenty of other things that had nothing to do with him.) I also have a friend who tries to compare her "stress" to mine all the time (hers is almost always worse, according to her). Blech.

Maybe I'll just go shirtless...then no one can look at my sleeves, eh?

Edited by hopeandtry (11/19/11 11:28 AM)

#376042 - 11/19/11 11:34 AM Re: Long sleeves or short sleeves? [Re: hopeandtry]
ksequoia Offline

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
I'm here not to compare, but to identify. Do I care what happened to you? Yes. Do I care what happened to me? Ahhhh, there within the question lies the hurricane of emotions. Most of you folks are helping more than you know.

#376085 - 11/19/11 06:02 PM Re: Long sleeves or short sleeves? [Re: ksequoia]
misscrespo Offline

Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 45
My partner sometimes says he wasn't really abused by his mother because she didn't actually do the deed. But she was fully aware of what was happening to him and chose to ignore it.

thank you for your post I shall tell my partner this.

Abuse is abuse regardless.

#376163 - 11/20/11 04:16 AM Re: Long sleeves or short sleeves? [Re: misscrespo]
Anniemy4sons Offline

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
Pain is pain. <--I may have stolen that from Oprah.

God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day.


#376194 - 11/20/11 11:41 AM Re: Long sleeves or short sleeves? [Re: GoodHope]
herowannabe Offline

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Wow. This is powerful! I'm speechless!

Thank you for this insight, GoodHope!


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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