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#375663 - 11/17/11 01:41 AM Introduction -Fiancee of MS- Seeking Help
Anonymous98 Offline

Registered: 11/17/11
Posts: 1
I am the fiancee (female) of a male survivor and seeking help.

He was abused in childhood by multiple people, on separate occasions, and is now nearing his forties. I am the only gf he's told of his abuse.

He is struggling with a bad temper and with an impending wedding I am having second thoughts about our future.

We've been together 4 years.

I am looking for help because I think a lot of his temper issues stem from the abuse and his attackers never having been charged.

#375674 - 11/17/11 06:08 AM Re: Introduction -Fiancee of MS- Seeking Help [Re: Anonymous98]
Sunshine1 Offline

Registered: 09/14/10
Posts: 20
Loc: Virginia
Hi and welcome to MS. My wife may be able to assist you. If you would like her email address send me PM and I will connect the two of you.


Tomorrow brings another day

#375696 - 11/17/11 09:49 AM Re: Introduction -Fiancee of MS- Seeking Help [Re: Sunshine1]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Anonymous98

Living with a survivor, is a big ask, especially if he has not acknowledged that he is a survivor and has not sought help.

Survivors tend to become Alcoholics, addicts, porn addicts, sex addicts, they have rage issues, intimacy issues, and emotional issues. So these are a few of the wonderful things that you have to look forward too.

If however the person has acknowledged his CSA, and is receiving treatment, then the picture could be a whole different story.
Personally, if I were you, there would be conditions to the pending marriage, GET HELP my dear man or no rings will be exchanged.

It is a tough undertaking, you should do a whole lot of homework before you decide.
Go to the Family and friends forum and ask the same question, the wonderful ladies there will give you the low down, Good and Bad.

Good luck

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#375712 - 11/17/11 11:21 AM Re: Introduction -Fiancee of MS- Seeking Help [Re: whome]
ksequoia Offline

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
"Survivors tend to become Alcoholics, addicts, porn addicts, sex addicts, they have rage issues, intimacy issues, and emotional issues."

I became all these things and never knew why. Now I know, and the healing has begun. This site is a life safer. Thanks.

Also, had I not gotten sober in AA 18 months ago, I would not be here. I'd be drunk, dead, in jail or in an institution. Finding MS yesterday was a gift. I will cling to it, but no longer the guilt and shame of my yesterdays.

#375729 - 11/17/11 01:14 PM Re: Introduction -Fiancee of MS- Seeking Help [Re: Anonymous98]
herowannabe Offline

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Hi Anonymous98-

I'm new here, too, so I'm not quite a fountain of knowledge. However, as the wife of a male survivor, I do want to welcome you and invite you to the Friends and Family board. I have learned much in a short amount of time; that knowledge is helping me be supportive of my husband, and may well have saved our marriage.

Do check out the resources- the books suggested have been very helpful!

You are wise to be taking a long, hard look at what your fiance is up against. By proxy, YOU are now a survivor of male childhood sexual abuse, too. Go slow, share and ask questions, and you shall gain insight that will help you determine a good course for your life!



For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

#375732 - 11/17/11 01:40 PM Re: Introduction -Fiancee of MS- Seeking Help [Re: herowannabe]
Disappointed Offline

Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.

Listen, there are alot of women here married to survivors. Look in the Friends and Family forum. Go back and read their posts. If you click on a member's name, it will give you the option to read their old posts. Pick some of the married women's and see what they've been through.

Then, if you marry this man, don't complain when he does things hurtful to you, because you had a clue beforehand, if you chose to follow up the evidence and find out the possible problems.

If all he has is a temper, I'd say you're in good shape. Most of the women complain about lying, acting out by having sex with other men or prostitutes, and that the man doesn't share with them what he's thinking.

Be careful. 4 years, you should have some signs....

Good luck,



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