It's a popular thing to jump on the bandwagon with all the other self-assured armchair quarterbacks and berate Assistant Coach Mike McQueary for not doing enough in the Penn State Sex Scandal. They say stuff like "I'd pull him off of the kid and beat him to a pulp" or "I'd have run out of the building with the kid and gone straight to the police."

The fact is, there is a huge gap between the talk and the walk. What about all this enlightened talk about educating teachers and protecting kids from CSA, and how does that even come close to squaring with what went on for years under the noses of educators, coaches and counselors at both a prestigious, enlightened university AND community youth organization despite all the many indications there was a serious problem with this fellow Sandusky?

Several years back, I remember thinking I'd be a hero if I was ever in the presence of an armed robbery. I had it all figured out in my daydream fantasies - how I'd sneak up on the guy, tackle him and disarm him. Then one night I was at a Pizza Hut and a guy walked in with a sawed-off shotgun. He was so smooth and quiet that most people never noticed. Needless to say, the hero in me never showed up to save the day.

I was 12 when I walked in on my 8 year old sister about to be statutorily raped by an older neighborhood boy. Hmmm - I certainly didn't rehearse THAT in my day dreams! I didn't jump in and punch him out. I just told him to stop - and he did. I didn't call the police or even tell my parents. I just kept it a secret. I spied on him often and broke things up whenever I could. There's much, much more to that story.... someday maybe I share it.

I walked in when my older autistic sister was having sex with a guy her age (I was 14, she 17). Although I didn't stop it (I kept hidden from their view), I did tell my parents.

OK, so you may argue that McQueary was 27 or 28, and I was barely half that age. And maybe it gets me off the hook. Or maybe it keeps him on it. And certainly all of us would think we WOULD jump in decisively like we all know we should, and as we all probably would. Still, what does anyone know about this - Really?

Consider that maybe 16 years earlier, it was McQueary in the shower with Sandusky. Certainly possible. Or consider that maybe McQueary simply got triggered - even traumatized - and just froze. God knows there are a lot of us CSA survivors out there. He ran to his father - am I the only one who finds that almost tellingly peculiar? As a CSA survivor myself, when I saw my older sister being essentially molested, I ran to MY parents.

I'm suspicious of anyone naively self-assured they'd be a hero as if it were a no-brainer, and judge others accordingly as if things were that simple. Where were they when I was being molested?

Was I a hero? In one instance, I was sure I would be - I rehearsed it! In another instance, I was sure I should have been. In yet another instance, I just ran to mommy and daddy. Plenty of opportunities, all failures. If I was in McQueary shoes that day in 2002, I wonder if I'd end up as tarred and feathered by the media as he is.

It's just not that simple - even if you think it is. I'm surprised, especially here, that people haven't figured out that the heroes are not the ones who promote themselves the loudest as would-be heroes.

These same self-anointed "heroes" were never there for us - certainly not for me - with the same boisterous "I've got the world figured out and everyone else is wrong" mentality that my own abuser practiced so well on me.

The press has not yet made a big deal out of the family ties between McQueary, Sandusky and Paterno.

McQueary's dad is personal friends with them all. McQueary grew up at PSU and is friends, class mates, and team mates with Sandusky's (adopted) kids.

More questions now, huh?

You don't deserve to be flamed.

Chase:

I agree, we need a Reality Check when judging the actions of McQueary and the others who encountered the "alleged" things that happened in those showers. Those of us who lost physical battles with adult perps like to think we'd become the rescuers we never had.

But whether or not McQueary did anything to stop the shower rape (so far he has told 2 stories), I suspect just about everyone is wondering how heinous a sight it would take to shock a man--a 28-y.o. footballer--into informing on his friends' dad--informing the police, not just his own dad and his coach. Was he that worried about his job, or was he just not that surprised?

John

He told two stories - one was to a Grand Jury - so the revision, if true(r), could get him into some legal trouble.

NOTE: This is not a "flame job" on Mr Chase:

McQ had a perfect (as in PERFECT) opportunity to make himslef look a little better...or mayber a whole lot better when they gave him the front porch interview. He COULD have talked about the emotions of the boys...the stress and destruction of the boys lives...he could have said..."look...I don't matter...what MATTERS is those kids." But NO. Instead he gave the sob-story about how stressed-out his snow-globe world is.

NOT ONE FKING WORD ABOUT THE BOYS!!!! FK PSU FOOTBALL IN THE EAR!!!!

THE PSU FOOTBALL LEADERS ARE VOID OF CHARACTER...FACE IT!!!!

Instead, we get "SNOW GLOBE".

SNOW GLOBE!!! That'll save yer career...you no character fuck!

Chase

I won't flame you, you presented a very well thought out position on this subject. You are dealing with the actual nuances of our lives in a very deep way, I applaud you for that. I can very much see your point of view, even as I don't agree with it.

Also, please don't let your survivor's guilt keep judging you harshly. You did what you could as boy, don't put any blame on the boy that you were. He did the best he could in a very bad situation, as many of did.

Hi - guess I'm not singed yet, so thanks for keeping the flame-throwers at bay a bit.

Chet, you are probably right - I think you are essentially saying that my "inner child" perspective is skewing things. I need to share my story if - for no other reason - see if I can relate to anyone who had similar dynamics. Just need to get up the nerve to do it...

Robbie, thanks. I don't take it as a flame either. I read your story. Weren't you yourself judged rather harshly from others who assumed they knew everything, but really didn't?

I'm not sure how much McQueary was at liberty to say, so the words he exchanged with reporters were necessarily cursory. Don't forget, he's under subpoena, and may not be able to talk about the boys or PSU or anything other than his general feelings.

That said, I actually relate to the snow globe analogy! I suspect his involvement could be deeper and darker than we may see on the surface. I think there is a history there, but of course I'll be the first to admit my thinking it has nothing what-so-ever to do with reality.

OH SHOOT!!! There goes like 3 months of bustin on McQ's Snow Globe.

Alright...I got to re-think this whole season. :P

LOL!