Anyone feel like they've used porn to try and jar them out of emotional numbness? I've been wondering if that is the main cause of my last bout with gay and straight porn...like trying to shock myself into feeling something, anything.

I think I have, certainly in the past, used porn as a way of knocking me out of a dull n listless thought process. Seems that it gave me something to respond to, something to have an opinion about. I've since came to a stand still on viewing it. I think of it as another facet of recovery to own. It can be said that viewing it is normal, but for me, it was used to coherse n groom. Taking the presence of it out of my life is hopefully gonna lead to room for some better things to move in. Opportunities to feel for something in real time, I'm hoping.

I find that porn has become quite addicting. I have emotional trouble having sex with my wife so I use porn and avoid sexual contact with her. The non-intimacy goes on for months at a time between us, but she understands why we try to work through it. It has become a crutch where I don't have to feel an attachment to the men/women in the video or pictures. The problem is soon regular porn doesn't cut it and you have to find more extreme things like orgies, any kind of shock porn that gives you the same arousal as the typical porn.