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#374995 - 11/11/11 03:06 PM The Loss of Paterno
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
I should preface by saying I am a "survivor", whatever that means. I never shared my story here - not sure what it would really add that hasn't already been said - and wouldn't want to just share it to "vent" (like my "abuser" did to me).

But the situation at Penn State really rekindled ("triggered"?) me, since it dealt with similar circumstances.

I never met Jerry Sandusky, but feel I know him all too well. I dealt with my own "Jerry" when I was 12 or 13. More accurately, he dealt with me. Now that he is sated and I am long forgotten, I'm still picking up the pieces.

Anyways, I'm a writer. I'll add a second post immediately following to add my 2 cents to this whole Paterno thing...

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#374996 - 11/11/11 03:08 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
OK, so the national news headline, story number one: Paterno falls along with university president and perhaps the reputation of the mighty institution that is Penn State. They crumble under the weight of a sexual scandal. And these are the people who are delivered to us by the media as the biggest losers.

Let’s look deeper.

We see the fall of a football giant – a man of remarkable achievement who has given far more than he has received – and before long, we see that HE becomes the real story.
Students, ironically at the age of the boy whose victimization toppled Paterno, riot in anger. They are focused on the seeming injustice of it all. Something was taken from them, too, and they act out loudly at their own perspective victimization – the loss of their beloved coach.

But we should at the larger part of this immense iceberg that lies below the surface – at the things many of us do not see, or do not want to.

Lurking quietly below the surface is a young boy who was at the heart of this entire situation. A graduate student observed Sandusky sexually assaulting this kid in the campus showers, and in the Grand Jury report, both Sandusky and the kid saw him as well. The boy realized he was seen in the act, and that adds a significant dynamic to this whole situation.

So what became of this boy? Does anyone know? Does he walk among us, a wounded soul? Was he one of the tragic teen suicide statistics that no one fully understood? What seems true is that he never came forward. He has lived – or died – with a bodily trespass that went to the very core of his being. And he likely remains forgotten. As an adult, he may wonder why – since his humiliation was witnessed – that no one reached out to save him. Perhaps he watched the rioters on TV, and wonders why no one showed similar outrage like that for him.

Perhaps he idolized JoePa. But Joe fumbled. He dropped this ball – and just walked away. No follow-up, no wondering why Sandusky was never taken to task for his crimes – nothing.

Let’s go even deeper. Consider for a moment the possibility that within that boy were the seeds of greatness. Maybe that boy was thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray. These are known effects of adult sexual indiscretions with children, and the dynamics are exacerbated when it is a taboo-laced male-on-male situation.

We come back to the surface for air, having seen what is submerged and hidden from popular view. Perhaps now we see Paterno in a different light. Here is a man who has had every success, and has had the remarkable opportunity to help other young men find their own personal success. But somewhere, maybe because he just didn’t want to look, another boy out there may never realize that same potential. And many other boys after him have had to carry the burden of Sandusky’s selfish indulgences. They no doubt likely idolized him for his professional accomplishments, perhaps starry-eyed future players and coaches themselves.

These boys were mentally and physically maneuvered into giving up something they never should have been asked to give, ill-equipped to disengage from the advances of a sophisticated – and likely venerated – adult, and finding themselves as confused and unwitting receptacles to the selfish, twisted indulgences of one much bigger and older.

Consider for a moment these boys who visit the locker room of the great – almost legendary – men they want to become. They imagine toweling off with their teammates, sharing rude jokes and regaling in won games, immersed in the culture they crave to be a part of. But instead, the shower is the incomprehensible scene of violation, and all the dreams attached to it are submerged, never to be visited or imagined again.

“Well, I didn't know what to do. You just can't tell Jerry ‘No’,” one boy said.

And perhaps these are kids who – under different circumstances – might have become greater than Paterno himself.

Consider that when you hear of Paterno’s lost legacy. He has fully enjoyed tremendous opportunities in an equally full life. At 84, he has more than these wounded boys might ever have the opportunity to achieve. And he had an opportunity to reach out to them, to follow up, to coach his school through this terrible mess – a mess he HAD to at least wonder about. But instead he tended to his own legacy.

And that’s the true loss.


_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#374998 - 11/11/11 03:56 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Eric:

ditto.

i just posted a poem "Escape from Penn State"


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#375038 - 11/11/11 11:09 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Sobernow]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
Two Thumbs up from me Chase Eric!

All this news crap cares about is anything BUT the real story, because the real story is utterly uncomfortable and they'd rather rant/rave, defend/attack, paterno et al....

Screw them, let the legal system charge who they will and lets get the damn focus back where it belongs. On the wounded and the desperate help and support they should be getting.


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#375669 - 11/17/11 03:42 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: JustScott]
Chet Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 16
Loc: Kingsport, TN
Chase, you need to get this out to a wider audience. This is the absolute BEST writing I've seen on this subject, & I've read a lot of writing in the past week & a half. It's almost all I've done since this story broke.

Chet


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#375678 - 11/17/11 08:08 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chet]
ShOHIO Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/10
Posts: 45
Loc: Central Ohio
Chase,
Thank you for posting such a powerful message. I am in Columbus Ohio and ofcourse we are the home of The Ohio State and this weekend we are playing Penn State. I am going to take your post and share it with anyone who praises Paterno this weekend at my tailgate. I was thinking of running your message off (minus your name, for protection)and just handing them a this when anyone goes off on how great he is.
I agree with Chet, you should take this and send it to your local paper and surrounding papers. This is powerful writing and makes you think.
Thank you again for your powerful words.

Be Strong
Scot

_________________________
WOR ALUMNI
Hope Spring 2011

GROW MY BROTHERS AND STAY STRONG,FOR YOU ARE YOUR STRENGTH!

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#375683 - 11/17/11 08:39 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: ShOHIO]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1794
Excellent message Chase. It is captivating and to the heart of the child who may be lost because of brutalization by an adult. I agree this should be shared with as many people as possible so the understand what may have become of the boy and the loss opportunity the boy may never recover


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#375740 - 11/17/11 02:58 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: KMCINVA]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2453
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Chase a great post, very thought provoking for sure not to mention the hidden triggers.

Our lives were shattered, our boyhood innocence lost forever, along with our hopes and dreams and perhaps even going as far as taking our life, to end the pain.

My heart & soul goes out for those then boys, now men who are left to pick up the pieces.
We have walked in their shoes and will share in their sorrow & tears.

Heal well, my brothers, heal well. May they also heal well too.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#375851 - 11/17/11 11:58 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: ShOHIO]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
Originally Posted By: ShOHIO
Chase,
Thank you for posting such a powerful message. I am in Columbus Ohio and ofcourse we are the home of The Ohio State and this weekend we are playing Penn State. I am going to take your post and share it with anyone who praises Paterno this weekend at my tailgate. I was thinking of running your message off (minus your name, for protection)and just handing them a this when anyone goes off on how great he is.
I agree with Chet, you should take this and send it to your local paper and surrounding papers. This is powerful writing and makes you think.
Thank you again for your powerful words.

Be Strong
Scot


...with my blessings, Scot. Thank you.

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#375855 - 11/18/11 12:45 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: petercorbett]
Kiva Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/07
Posts: 11
Loc: United States
.


Edited by Kiva (05/12/12 07:14 PM)

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#375863 - 11/18/11 02:51 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Chet Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 16
Loc: Kingsport, TN
Chase, may I post this on my FaceBook page, (minus your name, but giving credit to you, anonymously)? I really think this should be read & thought about by a wide audience.



Edited by Chet (11/18/11 12:11 PM)
Edit Reason: typo

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#375875 - 11/18/11 05:56 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Kiva]
TOTAL.CONTROL Offline


Registered: 11/06/11
Posts: 12
I guess we read two different post . Frankly I find your choice of wording some what, dubious. How's it go again...."the boy realizing he was "CAUGHT" in the act"....

Care to shed some light on what looks very much like a statment that infers a willing compliance on the childs behalf??? Hmmmm, no.

Well how about this one. "These boys were mentaly manuvered in to GIVING UP something......??? Ok I'm stopping there. You speak of these boys like flirty prom dates that are just playing hard to get!

Chase I don't know what your angle is in this thing but I just don't think you are who you say you are. Its almost as if you take pleasure in lamenting & waxing poetic about the goings on of the Devil's playground.

The victims will see justice this I know. But I will not allow myself to take my eye off the ball this late in the game. I'm sure ....joe-pa.....thetic would say the samething if his if he were still allowed on the field! So let'em go spend some of that $$$$$$ that he put before the welfare of so many children on a good defence lawyer!!!


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#375882 - 11/18/11 09:21 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: TOTAL.CONTROL]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
Quote:
Chase I don't know what your angle is in this thing but I just don't think you are who you say you are. Its almost as if you take pleasure in lamenting & waxing poetic about the goings on of the Devil's playground.


Well i don't know how to even address a statement like that. The fact is I don't know who YOU are, either. Where does that even come from?

I'm sharing my thoughts and even parts of my experience with everyone here. I'm vulnerable in so doing, and I think we all understand that feeling. I know that's how to work through these things. And I haven't even published my story as a lot of you have. I start to share and relate and be open and I'm hit with someone who thinks - what? I'm here to delightfully prance through a "devil's playground"?

Disagree with me. Tell me I'm off base. But it's just wrong to make assumptions and accusations that attack my integrity. I took it at one time in my life. I'm not taking it here, and I'm certainly not taking it from you. If this triggers you and you want to take a shot at me - fine. At least have the grace to aim it off to the side - not right at my head.

"Caught in the act" is PRECISELY how I felt when my molester was found out. Precisely. Even though I was LITERALLY not SEEN being molested, I felt exposed when he was caught molesting the girls in our neighborhood. "Caught in the act" resonates with me because I felt about as low and dirty as this kid in the GJ report may be feeling - as a man now - today. I internalized the guilt my molester should have felt but didn't. I took that on myself.

That's just a fact.

The victim in the GJ report may be going through the same guilt and self torment I went through - knowing he was seen and knowing that no one came to drag his molester away.

Read my posts - I'm talking about the kind of reactions that are so severe they drive away the VICTIMS too. Don't ever forget there are those of us here who have kept this hidden for so long precisely because we feel WE were at fault.

I noticed that in the GJ report, nothing was mentioned that McQueary heard screams or protests. That did not escape my attention, because I didn't scream or protest either. I was a kid feeling complicit in what he was doing. He was pushing all my buttons and it felt like I was caught as well. These are sexual attacks. The fact is, TC, that I have learned I didn't need to scream and fight my molester to prove I didn't want it. And if you knew my buttons were pushed, would you accuse me of dancing in the devil's playground he made for me?

I haven't shared my story and now I'm sort of glad I didn't because I wouldn't want to further poison anyone's well here.

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#375884 - 11/18/11 09:40 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Kiva]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 624
Loc: VA
I second all the emotions expressed above. Paterno and the other PSU officials are "the story" only as regards the apparent cover-up of the REAL story: yet another career pedo feasting on a population of boys. From the sound of things to date, Paterno wasn't even the worst of the bungling bureaucrats, when it comes to a cover-up. Did these people learn NOTHING from Nixon's Watergate fiasco? But the cover-up is just a second-tier scandal.

I've heard several sports and news columnists rant that somebody should dismantle the PSU football program, dynamite the stadium, bulldoze the entire university, sow "Happy Valley" with salt, etc. To me, this sounds like more of the hysteria that set off the student riots last week--it's "instead of" facing the REAL problem of ignoring, and being ignorant of, obvious signs that a career pedophile is at work in the community.

But we at MS know that nuking PSU wouldn't change a thing--career pedophilia and cover-ups weren't invented at Penn State. Likewise, firing Paterno and others who "knew or should have known" is just a distraction from working on the REAL problem. The proposed changes in Pennsylvania's child-abuse reporting laws have a better chance of making a long-term difference, and they only deal with responsibilities after the fact.

John


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#375889 - 11/18/11 10:01 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: unhappycamper]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
Quote:
I've heard several sports and news columnists rant that somebody should dismantle the PSU football program, dynamite the stadium, bulldoze the entire university, sow "Happy Valley" with salt, etc. To me, this sounds like more of the hysteria that set off the student riots last week--it's "instead of" facing the REAL problem of ignoring, and being ignorant of, obvious signs that a career pedophile is at work in the community.


Right on target, John.

I think they should keep the football program but remove and redirect the profits that go to the administrative scaffold. Make it about the kids. Put the money in a general fund to help defray the cost of education for everyone there.

The adults at that school in charge of the football program blew it big time. They owe a pennace, not the students and not the players. The program belongs to them. Don't punish the adults by taking the program away from the kids.

Maybe there should be an Occupy Penn State movement.

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#375895 - 11/18/11 10:20 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 624
Loc: VA
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
[quote]Maybe there should be an Occupy Penn State movement.


OMG, they'd freeze to death up in them thar hills! :0

Maybe a "two deep" policy would help, when escorting minor kids on-campus--i.e., always have at least two "responsible" adults with them, never just one.

Also, these days most public school systems conduct background (law enforcement) checks on anyone (including regular teachers and staff) who will be in charge of their students or on school premises regularly--not a total guarantee of safety, but it's about the best they can do. I wonder if the public high school where Sandusky volunteered checked him out--and if they turned up the earlier Penn State report on CSA allegations. Maybe the growing scandal will eventually answer that question. Meanwhile, Peace! And get ready for Gobble Day.

John


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#375906 - 11/18/11 11:39 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: unhappycamper]
Obi Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1401
Loc: kansas
fellas,

please.... let's not do this.....

please do not let what's going on with sandusky have us going at each other....

this is what perps want... for us to go at each other.. to have us fighting each other...

i'm asking that we get back to what we really need to focus on is those kids who were abused and trying to provide help and support to them....

we also need to help and support all the people that are joining this site now.

we had an influx of people join when the oprah shows aired. we are experiencing another influx of people joining due to recent events...

let's provide them with the support and help that they need because they are just starting their journeys to recovery and it's a very scary, very difficult, first few steps.... they don't need to see us fighting with each other... they need to see us supporting each other. we may not agree with each other but we must show unity in the common goals...

please... let's get back to why we are truly here... to help give and receive the support we all need to get through this...

thanks...

todd

_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#375942 - 11/18/11 05:27 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Obi]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
Thank you Todd. I sign on to your suggestion whole-heartedly, and will abide.

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#379332 - 12/13/11 07:30 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Originally Posted By: Chase Eric
Let’s go even deeper. Consider for a moment the possibility that within that boy were the seeds of greatness. Maybe that boy was thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray. These are known effects of adult sexual indiscretions with children, and the dynamics are exacerbated when it is a taboo-laced male-on-male situation.

Wow Eric! This one hits home here. I feel like this. I went to college as a Bible Major. My intent was to become a pastor. I never finished college and never went into the ministry. The sad thing is that many people in my life have made the observation that I have the gifts to be a pastor/teacher. Nearly all of them don't know the depths of the damage done to my soul by the abusers. frown Not only all this, but I am starting to get grey too. wink

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379349 - 12/13/11 09:24 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1251
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:44 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#379361 - 12/13/11 10:36 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
I cannot agree with the assessment or the generalization that abused boys will be:

Quote:
thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray


I think there are plenty of men who do not fit the de>
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#379363 - 12/13/11 11:02 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Mountainous Buck]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 624
Loc: VA
Buck:

I agree with your disagreement. I cringe when commentators and "experts" say, during one of these CSA scandals, that it's guaranteed that the kids' lives are ruined forever, they're damaged forever, they'll struggle to do or be anything, maybe they can manage to eke out a pale imitation of a real life, etc. That's gotta be bad for the kids to hear, and it's certainly not true of everyone. I don't think it minimizes the impact of CSA to recognize that "your results may vary."

John


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#379369 - 12/13/11 11:19 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

Good points. Hey, since I am in my early 50's, I should be getting a little grey. wink

I agree about helping others. Right now, I am so broken that my help is mostly restricted to just letting others know that they aren't alone. When I start to get some semblance of functionality in my own life, then I will be qualified to give advice.

Thanks

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379385 - 12/14/11 12:57 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1251
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:43 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#379386 - 12/14/11 01:06 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

I sometimes think that "been there, done that" is a bigger source of encouragement than we know. Somehow there is a lot of comfort in finding that others have been through what we have and they survived too.

How funny about looking younger than you are, because I go through that too. I was last carded well into my 30's (35, I think). Now people often tell me I look as young as 40, but I sometimes think they exaggerate a bit to be nice; However, I know I don't look as old as I am. I'm sure I will be ID'd when I am eligible for senior discounts.

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379391 - 12/14/11 02:13 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1251
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:43 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#379441 - 12/14/11 03:15 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
Quote:
I cannot agree with the assessment or the generalization that abused boys will be
Quote:
thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray


Hi, Jaimie -

In fact I completely agree with you as well! Please note I was purposefully meticulous with my language - not saying it was a putative assessment or generalization but rather "Maybe that boy was thwarted..."

Maybe yes. Maybe no. The fact is we'll never know. It takes a certain strength of character and discipline to overcome the damage for some of us. I've met many here who have had serious challenges building their adulthood on the rubbled foundation of an abused childhood. Others have emerged highly functional. Many of us I suspect fall somewhere in between (I fall in that camp).

On the same note, I also agree with John when he says he "cringes" at some of the things commentators and "television experts" (my terminology) say. Last night one of them was talking about the "horror" these kids endured. Well maybe yes - maybe no. When I endured it, it was confusion and shame - not "horror". But when commentators say stuff like that, they are owning the problem without a clue as to what it really is - just like the adults did when I was a kid - as if they knew what I should be feeling, and if I didn't feel that way then my perspectives were not valid.

Was it horrible? Yes. It was in fact abominable. Was it a "horror"? Well that commentator certainly doesn't speak for ME. The REAL voices are right here at MS.

The only person who can speak for the victim is the victim himself.



Edited by Chase Eric (12/14/11 09:48 PM)
Edit Reason: clarified the difference between "horror" and "horrible"
_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#379443 - 12/14/11 03:38 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
Eric,

I think "horror" is a good word to use when children are exposed to and used for sex. What is horrific is the damaged life that comes out of it, and even more horrific is that most of them will never comprehend what happened to them.

Just like myself. I spent the last 30 years of my life wondering why I was so fucked up, with no clue as to how the sexual relationship I had with my cousin impacted my ability to understand intimacy and love and sex. Even though the event itself was not horrific, what followed (the wreckage of my life) was.

What is horrific about it is that ALL of us are robbed of our own intrinsic ability to grow up on our own, becoming who we're meant to be. Instead, sexual abuse radically altered the course of our lives, and we have to work like hell to make the necessary course corrections in order to realize our full potential.

D

_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#379474 - 12/14/11 07:18 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

You make a good point about not feeling like I was the only one abused as a child. The 1 in 6 statistic is scary. I don't think the percentage of children abused is this high in non-Western countries, so it makes me wonder what specifically is wrong in our society that we don't protect children?

Honestly, just today I was thinking how sad it is to see that so many children were sexually abused. It's not a good and safe time to be a child. The 1970's weren't safe for me, and I know things are worse for kids now. Very sad.

For me, helping others just means sharing my story. There isn't enough success to report as an encouragement yet. I am still in the "needing help" mode.

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379498 - 12/14/11 09:29 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Magellan]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1493
Originally Posted By: Magellan
Eric,

I think "horror" is a good word to use when children are exposed to and used for sex. ... Even though the event itself was not horrific, what followed (the wreckage of my life) was....


Hi, Magellan -

I think we are saying the same thing. smile Sorry if that wasn't clear - I reworded a little to make it more so.

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#379514 - 12/14/11 11:08 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:42 PM)
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#379529 - 12/15/11 01:00 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Hi Jeff,

I think you are mostly right about children not reporting abuse in the 1050's though the 1990's, but within organizations like the Catholic Church and the Boys Scouts, reports were hidden away and efforts were never made to protect children from abuse. The Boy Scouts for example are now known to have kept secret "perversions files" for decades and didn't do a thing to stop the pedophiles or protect boys in any way. Truly a shameful thing to allow so many lives to be destroyed. I was raised as a Roman Catholic (I am a non-denominational Christian now), but thankfully was never abused by clergy. However, I was abused in very same Catholic church I attended by my Scoutmaster.

Sadly, you are right about abusers adapting to their environment and times. I know abuse is still rampant, but at least kids are more prone to know it's OK to tell someone now. It's a scary world to raise children in.

Thanks again for being so transparent with your story. It helps me.

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379534 - 12/15/11 02:09 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:42 PM)
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#379536 - 12/15/11 02:19 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

I want to answer you in more detail in just a bit, but here is a YouTube video from ABC News about the Boy Scout Perversion Files:
YouTube - U.S. Boy Scouts Sex Abuse Lawsuit 18.5 Million, Perversion Files

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379537 - 12/15/11 02:26 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
Undefeated Offline


Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 175
Loc: Colorado, USA
Jeff,

I read Pufferfish's story last night and it nearly made me cry. I also ready yours yesterday and felt like crying too. I am so sorry for both of you and every abused guy here on MS. What happened to me was horrible, but the two of you went through an unbelievable series of abuse. I think the two of you are remarkable in how you encourage the rest of us here. You are appreciated more than you know. BTW, I especially noticed the parts about Boy Scout abuse. Naturally that hits home with me. frown

Thanks again. You are an inspiration to me!

_________________________
"The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind's most basic duty to protect the innocent." ~James T. Walsh

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#379539 - 12/15/11 03:37 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:42 PM)
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#381959 - 01/10/12 08:47 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: lapchinj]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:43 PM)
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#381962 - 01/10/12 08:56 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Undefeated]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Undefeated,

I've read a bunch of people's stories on here and it's really sad kids have to go through CSA shit. Have to read Pufferfish's story. It's sometimes hard to find stories when people have tons of posts. I wonder how some of us have lived so long. frown



Edited by phoenix321 (01/10/12 08:58 AM)
Edit Reason: typo
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Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#381970 - 01/10/12 09:47 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: phoenix321]
Still Offline
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OK. Its time for my to post this.

My mentor in CSA healing, of ALL things, was a Grad Football Coach at PSU. He wrote an earth-shattering article about what he knows about the inner-workings of the Paterno-world. Here it is via a link.

It will blow your mind!!!

Paterno Corruption

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#381976 - 01/10/12 09:53 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Still]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Robbie,

When I heard Paterno got cancer, I said, "Good." And, so did a bunch of other people. I was shocked how many Yahoo comments said that.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#381977 - 01/10/12 09:56 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: phoenix321]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
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If you read the article, you'll hate Paterno and the Administration even more. the entire place is evil...and THAT comes from an insider.

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#381978 - 01/10/12 09:57 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: phoenix321]
Still Offline
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Registered: 02/16/07
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If you read the article, you'll hate Paterno and the Administration even more. the entire place is evil...and THAT comes from an insider.

Paterno Corruption

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Hell needs firewood too ya know!

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#381986 - 01/10/12 10:22 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Still]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
If you read the article, you'll hate Paterno and the Administration even more. the entire place is evil...and THAT comes from an insider.

Paterno Corruption


Yeah, reading it. He's all for LIFE IN JAIL FOR PEDOPHILES. I dig it. I did read Penn State itself let Sandusky get away with it because Sandusky was pimping the boys out to alumni when they donating large sums of money. That's not be proven but somehow it made total sense to me.

What this guy is writing sounds exactly like the Catholic Church.

He's very fortunate to have gotten help young. Lucky SOB.

He wrote:
"The general steps survivors use to integrate their past traumas, to shift from victims to survivors to thrivers, include:

1. Revealing secrets and fragments of one's person with licensed, trained and highly regarded / trusted professionals

(Where the fuck do you find those? 13 Ts and I couldn't find one!!!).

Trust is a huge, if not the biggest, issue with survivors. Trust happens when one person knows he or she is safe with someone, or a group. They won't hurt the person when he or she is vulnerable. Predators exploit this trust and use feigned interest and phony gestures to confuse their victims. The goal in recovery is to combine all of one's parts to live as one whole, functional, person with the process to this outcome being assisted by trustworthy and competent counseling professionals.


2. Identify cognitive distortions - fears and criticisms cultivated by the perpetrator and the experience can undermine one's ability to live an autonomous and empowered life. Victims often inaccurately believe they are subservient and dependent on someone more powerful. Healthy survivors separate facts from opinions and live in the current moment, feeling empowered and in control of their destinies.

3. Identify deleterious behavior patterns (submissive or aggressive) fostered by these distortions and choose more positive actions and outcomes with better plans in the present moment. It is important for survivors to recognize the source of their actions, so they can consciously choose better actions. The better outcomes foster better actions and the constructive behavior cycle grows stronger.

4. Integrate one's healthy sense of self with other healthier people to maintain an integrated, whole, functional, mature perspective.

When needed, a combination of talk therapy and pre>


Edited by phoenix321 (01/10/12 10:24 AM)
Edit Reason: edit
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#381996 - 01/10/12 11:26 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: phoenix321]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
Quote:
Some of the PTSD symptoms victims may experience include intrusive thoughts, difficulty in distinguishing truth from fiction, hyper vigilance, increased levels of anxiety, fear, and panic, short and long term memory deficits, sleep disruption, and dissociative symptoms. These symptoms keep victims from moving on and living a fulfilling life. Tragically, without constructive intervention, many victims end their lives early.


Wow.... the only ones on that list (From the article Rob posted) is "difficulty in distinguishing truth from fiction".

Still working though!

Thanks for the article Rob, I fully intend to pass it on!


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#382012 - 01/10/12 02:21 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: JustScott]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 624
Loc: VA
Nowhere else have I read or heard that PTSD sufferers have "difficulty in distinguishing truth from fiction." Where did THAT come from?

John


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#382015 - 01/10/12 02:38 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: unhappycamper]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: unhappycamper
Nowhere else have I read or heard that PTSD sufferers have "difficulty in distinguishing truth from fiction." Where did THAT come from?

John


John,

I thought some of his stuff was crap. I think we know more about truth and fiction than anyone.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#382046 - 01/10/12 09:57 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: phoenix321]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1251
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:41 PM)
_________________________
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