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#374995 - 11/11/11 03:06 PM The Loss of Paterno
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1490
I should preface by saying I am a "survivor", whatever that means. I never shared my story here - not sure what it would really add that hasn't already been said - and wouldn't want to just share it to "vent" (like my "abuser" did to me).

But the situation at Penn State really rekindled ("triggered"?) me, since it dealt with similar circumstances.

I never met Jerry Sandusky, but feel I know him all too well. I dealt with my own "Jerry" when I was 12 or 13. More accurately, he dealt with me. Now that he is sated and I am long forgotten, I'm still picking up the pieces.

Anyways, I'm a writer. I'll add a second post immediately following to add my 2 cents to this whole Paterno thing...

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#374996 - 11/11/11 03:08 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1490
OK, so the national news headline, story number one: Paterno falls along with university president and perhaps the reputation of the mighty institution that is Penn State. They crumble under the weight of a sexual scandal. And these are the people who are delivered to us by the media as the biggest losers.

Let’s look deeper.

We see the fall of a football giant – a man of remarkable achievement who has given far more than he has received – and before long, we see that HE becomes the real story.
Students, ironically at the age of the boy whose victimization toppled Paterno, riot in anger. They are focused on the seeming injustice of it all. Something was taken from them, too, and they act out loudly at their own perspective victimization – the loss of their beloved coach.

But we should at the larger part of this immense iceberg that lies below the surface – at the things many of us do not see, or do not want to.

Lurking quietly below the surface is a young boy who was at the heart of this entire situation. A graduate student observed Sandusky sexually assaulting this kid in the campus showers, and in the Grand Jury report, both Sandusky and the kid saw him as well. The boy realized he was seen in the act, and that adds a significant dynamic to this whole situation.

So what became of this boy? Does anyone know? Does he walk among us, a wounded soul? Was he one of the tragic teen suicide statistics that no one fully understood? What seems true is that he never came forward. He has lived – or died – with a bodily trespass that went to the very core of his being. And he likely remains forgotten. As an adult, he may wonder why – since his humiliation was witnessed – that no one reached out to save him. Perhaps he watched the rioters on TV, and wonders why no one showed similar outrage like that for him.

Perhaps he idolized JoePa. But Joe fumbled. He dropped this ball – and just walked away. No follow-up, no wondering why Sandusky was never taken to task for his crimes – nothing.

Let’s go even deeper. Consider for a moment the possibility that within that boy were the seeds of greatness. Maybe that boy was thwarted from realizing a greater potential, crippled and distracted by shame and self-doubt and confusion that will likely continue to haunt him until he is old and gray. These are known effects of adult sexual indiscretions with children, and the dynamics are exacerbated when it is a taboo-laced male-on-male situation.

We come back to the surface for air, having seen what is submerged and hidden from popular view. Perhaps now we see Paterno in a different light. Here is a man who has had every success, and has had the remarkable opportunity to help other young men find their own personal success. But somewhere, maybe because he just didn’t want to look, another boy out there may never realize that same potential. And many other boys after him have had to carry the burden of Sandusky’s selfish indulgences. They no doubt likely idolized him for his professional accomplishments, perhaps starry-eyed future players and coaches themselves.

These boys were mentally and physically maneuvered into giving up something they never should have been asked to give, ill-equipped to disengage from the advances of a sophisticated – and likely venerated – adult, and finding themselves as confused and unwitting receptacles to the selfish, twisted indulgences of one much bigger and older.

Consider for a moment these boys who visit the locker room of the great – almost legendary – men they want to become. They imagine toweling off with their teammates, sharing rude jokes and regaling in won games, immersed in the culture they crave to be a part of. But instead, the shower is the incomprehensible scene of violation, and all the dreams attached to it are submerged, never to be visited or imagined again.

“Well, I didn't know what to do. You just can't tell Jerry ‘No’,” one boy said.

And perhaps these are kids who – under different circumstances – might have become greater than Paterno himself.

Consider that when you hear of Paterno’s lost legacy. He has fully enjoyed tremendous opportunities in an equally full life. At 84, he has more than these wounded boys might ever have the opportunity to achieve. And he had an opportunity to reach out to them, to follow up, to coach his school through this terrible mess – a mess he HAD to at least wonder about. But instead he tended to his own legacy.

And that’s the true loss.


_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#374998 - 11/11/11 03:56 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chase Eric]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Eric:

ditto.

i just posted a poem "Escape from Penn State"


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#375038 - 11/11/11 11:09 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Sobernow]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
Two Thumbs up from me Chase Eric!

All this news crap cares about is anything BUT the real story, because the real story is utterly uncomfortable and they'd rather rant/rave, defend/attack, paterno et al....

Screw them, let the legal system charge who they will and lets get the damn focus back where it belongs. On the wounded and the desperate help and support they should be getting.


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#375669 - 11/17/11 03:42 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: JustScott]
Chet Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 16
Loc: Kingsport, TN
Chase, you need to get this out to a wider audience. This is the absolute BEST writing I've seen on this subject, & I've read a lot of writing in the past week & a half. It's almost all I've done since this story broke.

Chet


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#375678 - 11/17/11 08:08 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: Chet]
ShOHIO Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/10
Posts: 45
Loc: Central Ohio
Chase,
Thank you for posting such a powerful message. I am in Columbus Ohio and ofcourse we are the home of The Ohio State and this weekend we are playing Penn State. I am going to take your post and share it with anyone who praises Paterno this weekend at my tailgate. I was thinking of running your message off (minus your name, for protection)and just handing them a this when anyone goes off on how great he is.
I agree with Chet, you should take this and send it to your local paper and surrounding papers. This is powerful writing and makes you think.
Thank you again for your powerful words.

Be Strong
Scot

_________________________
WOR ALUMNI
Hope Spring 2011

GROW MY BROTHERS AND STAY STRONG,FOR YOU ARE YOUR STRENGTH!

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#375683 - 11/17/11 08:39 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: ShOHIO]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1790
Excellent message Chase. It is captivating and to the heart of the child who may be lost because of brutalization by an adult. I agree this should be shared with as many people as possible so the understand what may have become of the boy and the loss opportunity the boy may never recover


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#375740 - 11/17/11 02:58 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: KMCINVA]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2453
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Chase a great post, very thought provoking for sure not to mention the hidden triggers.

Our lives were shattered, our boyhood innocence lost forever, along with our hopes and dreams and perhaps even going as far as taking our life, to end the pain.

My heart & soul goes out for those then boys, now men who are left to pick up the pieces.
We have walked in their shoes and will share in their sorrow & tears.

Heal well, my brothers, heal well. May they also heal well too.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#375851 - 11/17/11 11:58 PM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: ShOHIO]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1490
Originally Posted By: ShOHIO
Chase,
Thank you for posting such a powerful message. I am in Columbus Ohio and ofcourse we are the home of The Ohio State and this weekend we are playing Penn State. I am going to take your post and share it with anyone who praises Paterno this weekend at my tailgate. I was thinking of running your message off (minus your name, for protection)and just handing them a this when anyone goes off on how great he is.
I agree with Chet, you should take this and send it to your local paper and surrounding papers. This is powerful writing and makes you think.
Thank you again for your powerful words.

Be Strong
Scot


...with my blessings, Scot. Thank you.

_________________________
Eirik




Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#375855 - 11/18/11 12:45 AM Re: The Loss of Paterno [Re: petercorbett]
Kiva Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/07
Posts: 11
Loc: United States
.


Edited by Kiva (05/12/12 07:14 PM)

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