Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cainrafael (28), GL (67), JohnP725 (66), Lloydy (61), Marie-TwoOfUs (35)
Who's Online
3 registered (WriterKeith, 2 invisible), 20 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63185 Topics
441824 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#374922 - 11/10/11 07:48 PM When will I stop?
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
Oh God....when? I thought I was on my way. I thought I was healing....when it all of a sudden hit me....i'll never be done with this shit. it is ruining whats left of my life. i am in the process of turning the only person in my life against me forever. because i am so self absorbed and obviously so consumed by my abuse, i dont even give her the common courtesy of thinking of her needs or wants or dreams. shes had it with me and i dont blame her. i fucking hate myself for what i have done and what im doing...i am nothing without my family and i feel like dying sometimes. Will i always be like this? up one day down the next, so self absorbed that my thoughts never leave me? i think im a good person, but then how could i be? i ruined my marriage, my family, my fucking life! so, no, no it'll never be over and no i must not be that good person i thought. I'm fucked!

_________________________
George!

Top
#374925 - 11/10/11 07:59 PM Re: When will I stop? [Re: ACLover94]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
As a fellow sufferer of childhood sexual abuse, I would hope to remind you something that I often forget myself...

This isn't your fault. You were completely violated as a child, and as a result, did not develop a "normal" sense of boundary, of self, or a congruent emotional language with which to communicate with others. Don't blame yourself for the actions the perpetrators wrought on you.

Please be kind to yourself. Would you ridicule a fellow survivor the same way you ridicule yourself?

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#374929 - 11/10/11 08:05 PM Re: When will I stop? [Re: Magellan]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
D, no i would not. but it's not fair to my wife that i keep hurting her. i dont want to but yet i do...i am one step from losing it all,my beautiful wife, 4 children, a home, a business...all becuase i have no congruent emotional language!...my life will not improve if she asks me to leave...it can only get worse...so then, how can i recover from my abuse then if i cant do it know when i have aloving family around me?

_________________________
George!

Top
#374930 - 11/10/11 08:11 PM Re: When will I stop? [Re: ACLover94]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
Has she told you she is in fact leaving? Or is she threatening to leave? If she is threatening, then she is warning. I apologize if I'm prying.

I know I have a tendency to panic and assume WORST when someone is upset and angry with me.

I hope that you can learn to accept who you are while you're working on this. Are you in therapy or seeking professional help? You can't go it alone.

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

Top
#374932 - 11/10/11 08:43 PM Re: When will I stop? [Re: Magellan]
ACLover94 Offline


Registered: 06/18/11
Posts: 40
Loc: EAST COAST USA
No she has not. But either way...it would be me going, not her...i coulndt do that to my children... i hear what your saying, i too assume the worst, but i have never seen hurt manifest itself in the women i love more then anything, and know that i am the cause of it more then i did today. If i were her, i would have already kicked my sorry ass out. but what kills me more then anything...i thought, i mean i really thought i had this beat! HA! thats a funny joke...a joke that i will have to live with till i cant anymore... we go to counseling, have been for 6 months...she walked out of the last one, told me to go screw myself...and believe me D, it's not her...shes not to blame here, i am. i am not a good person, and now it's apparent to me. i dont think im a good father either, not a good inlaw, not agood brother or son, i am just plain shit. i have no soul left in me...i guess it's just the way i feel right now

Sorry for BS D
Goerge

_________________________
George!

Top
#374933 - 11/10/11 08:59 PM Re: When will I stop? [Re: ACLover94]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
That's the lies we tell our self when the perp is in our head. I don't know your full story but I'd bet you are a better husband and better dad than you think.

Try chat George. Guys like us are there who get this and will help. Peer support can make a real difference.

Don't ever count yourself out. Never.

Keith

_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#374949 - 11/11/11 12:38 AM Re: When will I stop? [Re: kb8715]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1167
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:53 PM)
_________________________

Stick around, It will get better....

Top
#374951 - 11/11/11 01:13 AM Re: When will I stop? [Re: lapchinj]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
EMDR. That's the only advice I can give...
And make sure the therapist is tough (helps you stick with it)

Hang in there guy, this is f**ked up shit you're dealing with.

Also, don't appear to be too desperate to keep her, but instead apologize and be real and tell her you love her and you're working hard. (wish I could've done that myself. Hindsight lol.)
This is just my opinion.
Hang in there guy.

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#374970 - 11/11/11 08:53 AM Re: When will I stop? [Re: kinghenri]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 120
Loc: NY metro
George,

What ever you do, don't ever let pride get in the way of doing right by her. Humble yourself & appologize, it will take some of the pressure off. Be real like are are in this thread. She definetly loves you to still be around, some women skip out over a *whole* lot less. There's peaks and valleys in dealing with this mess and it sounds like your in the valley now. Things will get better in time, you'll be the better husband & father for working through it.

~George~


Top
#374973 - 11/11/11 09:43 AM Re: When will I stop? [Re: George]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
George,

I hear marriage, 4 kids, a business. Sounds like you have more than you think you do. Yes you have challenges but it is not over man. If you think you are not treating your wife right, then start making the changes. I donèt know your situation, but there comes a time when you cannot escape it and you have to start looking inward for change. I speak from experience. I too am married with kids, my marriage is all but disintegrated. I found myself at the edge of the cliff and i thought i could hide behind the appearance of a family (marriage, house, kids, job). I did everything that was expected in order to appear normal in the eyes of others and my family. It doesnèt work. I had to go to the core of the issue and admit a lot of my situation was my not dealing with my abuse. I mean DEALING, not saying it. Ultimately the pain and trauma has to be seen like any medical situation. Would you continue your day to day life if you had a broken leg hoping it would fix itself and nobody would notice. Above all man you are a good man, a strong man and you are worth it.
Be good
Tony

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

Top
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.