Come clumsily, awkwardly, tentatively, toward us. Just reach out to us, for us in whatever state you happen to be in. We don't need your fake perfection or exaggerated selves. We don't need you to have all the answers or solutions. We Just want you, just as you are...

Love this Eldee - and it is so incredibly true. Those of us who have opted to stay and walk the walk with our partners, have already accepted them even if they haven't yet accepted themselves.

These fine answers above Martin, are the stuff that will keep your recovery active and progressive. May I add only that you and I share the samedesire to reach out to support others, to our exclusion.

Spend time sitting alone with you. Listen to thoughts, but do not pick them. Let them float. Our minds will sort, file and clarify "strings" of data. Then the new data can be applied to our hearts and actions.

It takes practice but it can me very rewarding.

My best to you, Martin,
Sam

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Thanks Eldee
You opened my eyes and I will surely try to do this. On the flip side I am so tired of giving her parts and second best. She deserves so much more.





You are right Lucy. I have put my wife through the worst for so long and I would dearly like to give her the best, but this brings up guilt and guilt makes me act out again, but I have overcome so much, I will conquer this too.



She is very sexual, but problem is that I used images of naked woman in my mind to make the abuse more bearable, so I wouldn't have to look at the grimacing sweating ugly beast that was my perpetrator. Now the images have run out because if I go to look at naked woman, to fill my mental file, It will lead to porn and the porn addiction, and this WILL be a bad thing.
I need to learn to love my wife's beauty, and learn to use that as a tool to turn me on. I know it sounds weird, but I have been looking at the perfect airbrushed and surgically "perfected" bodies for so long, and when I look at the wife, who has given me a beautiful daughter, I struggle. But I wont let this get me down, I taught my mind to enjoy those pictures, I can train it to enjoy something else.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and side discussions, they are as always really appreciated. Of course any more comment is always welcome. At least I know to a large degree that you understand.
I must point out that you are all Gems, and your Husbands are incredibly lucky to have you in their lives at this time.
I truly hope that you all tell yourselves how special you are, and give yourselves a proverbial pat on the back.

Martin

Lady.
Thanks, I will look at this. At this point in my life I will try anything. And yes I am finding good suggestions, like the one you just gave me.

Thank you
Martin

Martin the other side of those " perfect bodies" is you can't view porn for very long without seeing the nasty side, dirty drug induced world. Yes their bodies are nice but if you look carefully you can see the sad pathetic side of the people in those movies. You wife is clean and whole unlike the women that are selling her bodies for money and drugs.

I have three children and my body has seen better days. I am working on it for me not him but it will never be the same, better but never the same.

Martin,

Sorry to be graphic (again) but is there a part of your wife's body that you think is particularly hot. If so, can you fixate on that on her to get your engine revved up just prior to? So, I've had 3 kids in rapid succession, breast-fed, etc. I weigh more and things that did not droop, now do, (and I'm not talking just eye-lids from the lack of sleep the little monsters deprive me of!). But my backside still looks great if I play it up and my legs are nice. I call attention to those things for him because while not porn star quality, they are quite nice and the bonus is, he can actually touch, feel, taste etc. unlike images in your head or on a video screen.

Yes Eldee

she does have hot legs and wonderfull boobs.

Please understand I DONT like porn stars at all, strange I watched them so much. I always felt so sorry for them.
Anyway, nice suggestion Eldee.

BTW, I hope things improve for you.

Chat soon
Martin