Come clumsily, awkwardly, tentatively, toward us. Just reach out to us, for us in whatever state you happen to be in. We don't need your fake perfection or exaggerated selves. We don't need you to have all the answers or solutions. We Just want you, just as you are...
You opened my eyes and I will surely try to do this. On the flip side I am so tired of giving her parts and second best. She deserves so much more.
On a childish note, I hope you don't piss you off, and I am sure you will all think I sound like a spoiled 5 year old BUT after all I hve been through I deserve the absolute BEST from my husband NOW!!. Not tomorrow and not next week but NOW. I have had the worse part of him for years,unbeknownst to me. Now it is my time to have the best of him. I don't expect perfection, there is such beauty in the "flaws"
You are right Lucy. I have put my wife through the worst for so long and I would dearly like to give her the best, but this brings up guilt and guilt makes me act out again, but I have overcome so much, I will conquer this too.
Does your wife want sex? If she does and you aren't interested and don't tell her the truth, let me tell you the woman is in a tremendous amount of pain.
She is very sexual, but problem is that I used images of naked woman in my mind to make the abuse more bearable, so I wouldn't have to look at the grimacing sweating ugly beast that was my perpetrator. Now the images have run out because if I go to look at naked woman, to fill my mental file, It will lead to porn and the porn addiction, and this WILL be a bad thing.
I need to learn to love my wife's beauty, and learn to use that as a tool to turn me on. I know it sounds weird, but I have been looking at the perfect airbrushed and surgically "perfected" bodies for so long, and when I look at the wife, who has given me a beautiful daughter, I struggle. But I wont let this get me down, I taught my mind to enjoy those pictures, I can train it to enjoy something else.
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and side discussions, they are as always really appreciated. Of course any more comment is always welcome. At least I know to a large degree that you understand.
I must point out that you are all Gems, and your Husbands are incredibly lucky to have you in their lives at this time.
I truly hope that you all tell yourselves how special you are, and give yourselves a proverbial pat on the back.