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#374182 - 11/03/11 04:37 PM The Two Of Us - USA - Marie
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
I'm really not too sure how to go about this one. I'm not going to get into a lot of details on an introductory post, but suffice to say the following :

I'm female. I'm 32 years old.
I'm here for my brother's sake.
We're both survivors - of the same incident.
ASA - gang rape-, not CSA, had a perfectly happy, normal, childhood.

And we're both kind of struggling right now - and I can't just apply what helps me to what helps him - there's different issues between the two of us, everyone responds to things like this individually, and I guess we've both sort of fallen into a support-for-each-other-when-no-one-else-will sort of response.

There's plenty of resources for females - but they leave him drifting out in the middle of nowhere, with no help, or only a token, passing mention. That's just not good enough.

He knows I'm here. I'm still trying to convince him to come here himself. So far no go.

That's why I'm here.
For him. For us.
That's all.

Thanks,
Marie (and Matthew)



Edited by TheTwoOfUs (11/22/11 08:19 PM)

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#374183 - 11/03/11 05:03 PM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2430
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother & sister.

Matthew. Welcome to MS.

Here you will receive compassion, understanding & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).

We all have been there.

We have been into the depths of our soul & hell too.

Albeit we all get here in differing ways and ages we all understand each other.

As you can see there is a ASA forum here. A very good friend of mine was sexually assaulted as a adult.

Come on join us. Perhaps you will find healing here. I sure hope so.

Myself I was a victim of incest. Plus abused by a family friend. I fell in love with him and he was a huge part of my life. I'm 72 and been dealing with CSA for a shade over 3 years.

Hope you choose to join us. Perhaps even your sister might get some help out of it.

So, my fraternal brother, Matthew, i wish you well in healing. Your sister too. You are on your way.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#374191 - 11/03/11 07:45 PM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: petercorbett]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
He is 8 years older than me. And spent a lot of time in the service. Put in twenty years. He is having a very difficult time with the inability to protect issue right now - keeps telling me he's sorry, keeps apologizing for not being able to stop it.

If it could have been stopped, well, we both fought hard enough, it would have been stopped. But I know he's not in a place right now to be able to see that/accept that.

We went down under a large group; also a mixed group. This only happened about two years ago, after he left the service. There were five males and three females involved in our assault. No preferences were shown by any of the eight, I had to fight females as much as males, just as he had to fight males as much as the females.

The question I have right now is - do I need to restrict my postings to the friends-and-family folder only? I don't want to upset anyone or cause any issues. But I see things sometimes in the ASA folder that I take back to him - sometimes it seems to help him, but he just won't come forward yet and post.

He was always quieter than me. But I won't take something back to him if I don't understand it, and obviously as an unregistered reader, there's no ability to post questions for clarification... so I eventually registered.

Or should I just post such things in the friends/family folder and reference the appropriate thread from the other folder?

Thanks in advance.
Just trying so hard not to step on toes.
-- Marie

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

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#374193 - 11/03/11 08:03 PM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 698
Loc: NJ
Sounds like a very painful story, Im sorry you both suffered so much.

I would think it will be very hard for him to process not protecting his sister...even though its understood there was nothing he or you could have done.

I would stick to F&F, as the other sections are for Male survivors to post in. Sadly as you said, the male community has such little resources, this is designed for male survivors mostly.

I hope you both find some healing.

Also look at RAINN, they are a great resource...and have annon chat with trained personel to help get things started a bit. Hopefully he will make it here, in his time, when hes able.

good luck.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#374197 - 11/03/11 08:16 PM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: Castle]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
Castle,

Thanks for the clarification - will definitely stick to F&F.

He has been reading a bit here and there. So hopefully he will come out himself eventually.

Thanks.
-- Marie

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

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#374199 - 11/03/11 08:35 PM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
cris40ky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 188
Loc: KY, US
Welcome Marie!

Our voices / words are precious and can be powerful in our own healing.

Please convey to your brother that this place is a safe one for him to share his.

Chris


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#374212 - 11/03/11 10:35 PM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: cris40ky]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
I will again convey it to him, most definitely.

I really hope he comes in of his own at some point. I think it would really help him. I can only do so much - I'm just not male, and sometimes I think that's just really what's needed.

I know there's times with this where I really just need a female voice, so it must be the same in that respect for him, no? Another male that actually believes him and doesn't judge him? And that's one thing I can't give him myself.

He's done some reading here. So I think he may be starting to unlock his cage a little bit. Up til now we've pretty much just had each other to lean on. Not a lot of support from anyone really, and a therapist can only do so much when their patients shut down and just can't speak.

Thanks again for the welcome... I'm going to retreat into the F&F folder now, but I have left him the link direct to this thread and the Intros folder. Maybe someday soon he'll use it.

Thanks so much.
-- Marie

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

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#374221 - 11/04/11 01:31 AM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Marie and Matthew

We are so sorry that you need to be here. I am also happy that you have seen the difference between male and female survivors. This realization will help you both to heal.

There is a lot of wisdom on this site and a lot of healing to be gotten. So talk about it a lot and ask many questions, and I am sure that you will receive insight to help you to heal.

Heal well
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#374236 - 11/04/11 05:12 AM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: whome]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: whome

I am also happy that you have seen the difference between male and female survivors. This realization will help you both to heal.


It's rather hard NOT to see the difference when you are both victimized in the same incident.
You literally went through hell and back together.

He does better with reading material.
Like me, he can't actually speak about it except with each other.
We both kind of freeze in front of a therapist.
Just shut down and go silent.

But giving him reading material; he says that helps, so I've been making like a gopher and digging for male-oriented information for him to read.

That's actually how I found this site in the first place.

Thanks again.
We're both still reading.
-- Marie & Matthew --

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

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#374244 - 11/04/11 08:08 AM Re: The Two Of Us - USA [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
ANDREW63 Offline


Registered: 08/27/11
Posts: 164
Loc: Australia
Hi Marie,WELCOME to you and your brother i am sorry that you had to find us here it is good to know that you are there for each other ,you will find compassion and understanding from everyone here ,take care .Andrew.

_________________________
LOOK AT ME NOW I AM A SURVIVOR !My inner child and I are now doing this together !

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