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#374136 - 11/03/11 07:45 AM Same all over the world....
ozzie_guy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/11
Posts: 17
Loc: Queensland, Australia
Hi guys...

Reading the posts on here has finally allowed me to accept that I am not uniquie in how I am feeling or what happened to me. I was not abused as such in the military but joined the Australian Navy to escape 9 years of abuse at the age of 17. I remember during basic training that groups of guys would seem to gather in my room to play thier masturbation games and how they would try and get me to take part with me thinking they could see right through me, as though they were doing it only because of what I was. Living on a warship for over 2 years was also a challenging time. Things did happen but I won't go into details right here right now. I just wanted to thank you guys, I have lived a life of self loathing, drugs and alcohol to cope, and mostly wishing I was dead and until the past 6 months I really had no idea why. Your courage and your strength has given me strength and optimism that the future will be so much better than the past... although I also realise this will not happen over night. So once more thank you and bless you all...

Ian

_________________________
I wonder what a life will be like being able to cope with the horrors of my memories.

Why am I so terrified of the possibility of being happy...

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#374168 - 11/03/11 01:45 PM Re: Same all over the world.... [Re: ozzie_guy]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hi, Ian.

Sorry for your experiences, but it sounds like you're doing better these days, and for that I am glad. Best of luck on the journey.

Peace,

John (U.S. Air Force, 1981-1988)

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#374235 - 11/04/11 05:09 AM Re: Same all over the world.... [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Lo Don Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/26/11
Posts: 133
Loc: Sacramento
Ian,

Thank you for your Service. We are all Brothers in the Military all over the world. 9 years is a very, very long time to be abused. No one you could tell, no one who would help you! I am hugging you. Please feel better, Ian. There ain't anything I can say to make you feel better; so I just will hug you.

I also abused Drugs, alcohol, acting out with sex, self hatred, but still able to function in public. Thinking it was the culture I grew up in; until I was placed in a Nursing Home because of a leg surgery, and not allowed to go home until I could walk. I became extremely depressed in the Nursing Home and my CSA came flooding in and out of my mind. I was put on anti depressants to cope. I recalled all my perps, one from Jersey for 2 years at age 11 during summer vacations visiting my relatives for the 1st time. Got back to Minnesota and felt safe, until my relatives wanted my brother (Who was also molested, assaulted, abused and raped, now dead) and I to return; we begged our Foster Parents to not have us go back to Jersey, they felt we should get to know our family; and know them we did in the biblical sense. Also,2 Perps from northern Minnesota during the same 2 years, after we returned from Jersey, we felt we were safe, until an older teen got both my Brother and I and did many unthinkable things. Then in school call us Homos, quere, fagots. By myself, I got raped at 13 in the day, against a garage door, I bled for 4 days, trying to keep that a secret, but some friends saw it and packed the area, so the bleeding was in check. So much for covering that up, but thank you guys for the 1st Aid!
Thinking someone painted a red 'T' with a circle around it, so Males could see I was a Boy who could be had. Had I was, even in public; no holes barred!
The Army was a safe haven for me. The best thing this Foster Child ever had.

I have told my friends and relatives so I can heal, but some of them feel I am a Perp and will no longer speak to me. I have never abused a child or an adult! I told the wrong people, and getting better is even harder. Hide your kids, Don is coming!
My wife is upset I told too many people of the secret life of me. "I told you so" keeps coming out of her mouth! I trusted them. I thought they understood what happened.

Ian, at MS everyone does understand and are supportive. Don't make my mistakes. I welcome you, and pray you find happiness.

Don
U S Army
Veteran's Representative

_________________________
The me that nobody knows!
Did you replace me with a younger Boy?Does he bend,squat, beat,say Awwww as well as me?
I still love you & miss you.My Perb referred to me as his
'Dirty 'lil Boy','cause I allowed him to bang on me anywhere, anytime."Bend over you Dirty Boy;we know you can take it!"

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