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#37403 - 03/15/04 02:46 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
One other thing, yves. Momentum.

even when you slow down, even when you;re rolling uphill, keeping the momentum going trakes some of the pain away, eases it.

It's working a little for me today, anyway. Can't stop, because that's defeat, and i won't be defested by this or them.

they have no power over you anymore, and taking it back can be as hard as when thwy tookm it.

But they won't win today. You won't let them, and neither will i.

Peace and love.

Scot

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#37404 - 03/15/04 03:58 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
Archnut Offline
Member

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 343
Loc: United Kingdom
Good question

I had to really think about this. I suppose I am lucky in that two things keep me going, sorry three things.

1. My three grandchildren and the fourth due next month.

2. Telling my story to whoever will listen and hopefully get to tell my version of events to a court of law. I have had two convicted, Its the outstanding three I'm after.

3. My anger although I have trouble finding the right outlet for this, its usually a wall, but I'm gradually getting better at handling it.

Regards to all

Kirk

"And all that was left was hope" (Pandora's Box)


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#37405 - 03/15/04 04:57 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
Yves Offline
Member

Registered: 11/26/03
Posts: 93
Loc: Canada
Thanks guys, I appreciate everyone's responses. I don't know what keeps me going but I just know that one of these days when I wake up I will actually be glad of it, instead of heaving a sigh of "shit, morning again". That's hope, right? Right now I'm still falling down the black hole and I don't think I've hit bottom yet but I'm getting all cut and battered and bruised on the way down, pun intended, I suppose. One day at a time, one day at a time . . . . . .

_________________________
You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even though their happiness means you're not part of it. ~Author Unknown~

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#37406 - 03/16/04 05:09 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
Yves - what keeps me going?

Someone once tried to destroy me!

I believe in creating things, so there is no way that I can allow the destructive process to continue.

I now build on good friendships that I have. I look after the garden (small) that I have created in front of my house. I am learning how to play guitar properly. I now look out for myself as well as others (I've been called a protector).

This site actually got me going again!

You might be falling now, but you can gain strength here and begin that climb back into the sunshine!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#37407 - 03/19/04 05:18 AM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
Yves,

I have had friends I have made promises to. I have made promise to not go out and find someone to hurt me, and I have not done it since then. That was the most dangerous self harm thing I would do, because I had no control over the other person, and how badly they hurt me. I try to avoid other self harm now because it upsets people I care about.

Recently (in past like 6 months), I have motivation in one of my students, who had also previously trained with my old coach who had abused me (and him also). This is a kid who is five years younger then me, and has been through even worse abuse then me, and somehow still remains such a very good and gracious person, even while trying to deal with all this. I feel so much that it is important that I try to be some kind of role model with him, in terms of healing and working at all this. I think for me to give up, it would set a very bad example for him. He is very emotionally fragile right now, and I think could be easily influenced by the actions of a fellow survivor. So that is what keeps me motivated in my efforts right now, mostly. That and I owe my friends so much, they have helped me so much, I do not want to cause them pain or problems.

I hope that you can find yourself something worthy to 'keep going' for. Of course, the most important thing, the most important and worthy thing, is you yourself. (Wow, that was good! I will have to remember that also).

Good luck, and I wish you well. Thank you for your kindness toward me. You are an important person.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#37408 - 03/19/04 05:36 AM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
coolcat Offline
Member

Registered: 02/23/04
Posts: 109
Loc: Winnipeg MB Canada
I have had the same question many times. I think I just keep going because i don't want my abuser to win.

I also have alot of very good understanding people in the chat room who has kept me going.

Also my partner has alot to do with my recovery.

Take care of youself and Take time for yourself
Gus

_________________________
Take it easy, Don't that the sounds of your own wheels drive you crazy....
Gus

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#37409 - 03/19/04 12:18 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Yves,

Sometimes all that keeps me going is stubborn spite. Whatever was in me that got me through the actual abuse alive is not ready to give up yet. Faced with "Forward or die" I seem to go forward, sometimes almost on auto pilot. When I've come closest to choosing the alternative, God has bumped me back to the road forward, often through the words I find written here.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#37410 - 03/20/04 01:13 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
MikeNY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 927
Loc: NY
One word Yves. Hope. If you can't find any for yourself, you can find hope in your friends, hope in your family, hope in the people who are here, hope in the people who you explain all of this to until they understand it, hope in the people whom you haven't met yet, hope in the future for all. I myself find hope that everyone will someday believe the one true thing that I have found to be our purpose in life, the hope that they will understand that we are here to repsect each other and help each other and in doing so, make things better for everyone of all walks of life. Hope is what has kept me going through just about everything bad that has ever happened in my life. That, and the knowledge that when I help other people, it makes a difference in their lives, and by expansion, the world. If you do it, be careful, sometimes it can be hard to know how to help people, and most people who do not want to be helped can not be helped. Most people can be helped just by talking with them. Be objective when you do it. Many times, all you actually have to do is listen.

_________________________
"Every child asks the questions which hold the answers to the secrets of the universe, WHAT?, and WHY?". --Me

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#37411 - 03/20/04 08:03 PM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
LostandTroubled Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/20/04
Posts: 29
In the short time I've been here (less than 24 hours) I've really found that coming here and venting helps.

I also find that prayer can be a powerful force.

_________________________
~~Welcome to the World~~
Nicole Sadako - Born: March 29th 2004

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#37412 - 03/21/04 01:52 AM Re: How do you keep going . . . . . . . . . . . .
TwinBrother Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/28/04
Posts: 4
Loc: USA
There is a lot we must endure, but not alone.

I was all alone in my personal struggles of self identity, before I found this place. Now I feel a strong desire to turn on lights and face my fears. If nothing else, this will give me some comfort in identifying with other survivors. I know I have gotten encouragement as well as strength from browsing many, many stories.

As each story unfolds empathy and sympathy wells up inside. I find myself nodding quietly in acknowledgment with what he/she is talking about. Then shaking my head in sorrow for the things he/she experienced.

Result being;
Anything less than feeling safe, respected, and secure about the future and the support system of older fellow humans. Be they family, neighbors, or anyone to whom we all can remember looking up to. This has now ended up with seemingly endless and SEEMINGLY irrevocable disappointment and mistrust that has extended beyond the periods of abuse.

I truly beleave, in helping others, this inturn helps you. Please feel free to use us as your port in time of trouble.

_________________________
"A door slamming makes one jump, but it doesn't make one afraid. What one fears is the serpent that crawls underneath it." –COLETTE

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