I find sex to be the trickiest thing for ME to address. He told me about the porn addiction first. I was afraid that things that we do sexually were going to make him think of porn when he wanted to be free of porn, but to stop having sex didn't seem like a reasonable solution (and we didn't). When he told me about the sex abuse, I was really petrified. I let him take the lead. Nothing changed for us sexually (that I could tell). When I found out about the affairs. Everything changed for ME. Sex triggers ME. I can't have sex with this man that I LOVED having sex with, without the 4 women that I know about in bed (and in my head!) with us. I will say this, we never stopped having sex though. It makes me believe that if he is triggered by it, I would never know unless he wanted me to because I (who is not experienced in disassociating and deception) am doing it and most of the time he doesn't know I am wondering if he did this with her (or her, or her, or her).
I maintain that sex addictions and food addictions have to be the worst addictions. You can't live without eating--you can live without sex but most people are hard-wired to want it at least occasionally.
Wife of a survivor