I am so broken. I posted once before about what to do about being in love with a survivor in addictive addiction. Since then I quit my job, sold him our home, backed my car and drove.
So now here I am. Broken and haunted by what could have been. He's not talking to me, won't return phone calls, which may be a blessing but feels like crazy making. The only thing I know is what I have learned here... that if he won't take responsibilty for his own recovery there is NOTHING I can do.
It has become really clear how my own copendancy is out of control. That I need to take care of me and finding some wholeness. But it is so hard to let go of the man I know is in there, the beauty and strength and heart.
My biggest fears are that he will hit a bottom and call me to 'help' (read fix it) or that he will get recovery and want to try again and it will be too late.
Thanks for reading, I just needed to let that out amongst people who understand.