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#373779 - 10/30/11 01:13 PM Re: Blame The Spouse Game [Re: KMCINVA]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Honestly I think it's a stretch to say "I'd never do X" or "I'd never put up with X." I used to think things like that but it's very easy to get sucked into a situation or allow things to go on that you never thought you would. We are ALL capable of a lot of things, and we are all capable of allowing ourselves to go through more than we should. In my mind, the moment I think I'm too "strong" to let a certain thing happen, that's the moment I'm weakest because I get too confident. @KMC, I think it's understandable that you have allowed certain things to happen with your family. You don't deserve it, but I can see why you would be afraid to let the situation go. Change is scary.


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#373780 - 10/30/11 01:22 PM Re: Blame The Spouse Game [Re: hopeandtry]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1566
Thank you and I understand what you said. I guess I still see the things I did wrong when I was self abusing and self destructing--I have not done that since I began therapy-I work hard at it--I want my old self back--. I know I am not perfect and things I have done have hurt others. But I remember a family I once knew--the rule in the home was everyone is welcome and if someone is made to feel unwelcome, it will not be this person leaving, but rather the one who made the person feel unwelcome-the only out was to apologize and not let it happen again. A smart woman who knew words and actions can hurt. I have lost sight of that rule and I hope I can live by it as I move forward.


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#373783 - 10/30/11 02:15 PM Re: Blame The Spouse Game [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1566
I sometimes think I must have done something to deserve all this-I think that is why I have allowed it to happen. In T I am working on self blame and guilt. I can understand it is not right to happen to others but somehow when I think of myself I think of it differently--I had to do something to deserve it. SO it is hard for me.


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#373784 - 10/30/11 02:56 PM Re: Blame The Spouse Game [Re: KMCINVA]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
As far as thinking you have done something to deserve it, of course you think that! Lots of abused children are TOLD bad things are done to them because they are bad, which is a lot of hogwash. The abusers just say that to keep the child malleable and under control.

As far as your family, let me just say, if you quit putting up with the crap and tell them you're leaving until they start behaving, they might wake up and start behaving.

You can always return if you wish, unless the wife goes crazy and pretends she's afraid of you and gets a restraining order.

Have to say, for financial reasons, it's always easier to stay, but you know what they say: You can't buy sanity.

_________________________
Female.

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#373785 - 10/30/11 03:01 PM Re: Blame The Spouse Game [Re: Disappointed]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
My point was that we are all capable of getting sucked into a bad situation...not that you have already, Disappointed. I was free and clear until a couple years ago, then I ended up in one. I just think it's dangerous to say "I'd never do X" because sometimes it happens faster than we realize it can happen. In any case, everyone has their faults or weaknesses, whether it is being mistreated by others or something else.


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