As far as thinking you have done something to deserve it, of course you think that! Lots of abused children are TOLD bad things are done to them because they are bad, which is a lot of hogwash. The abusers just say that to keep the child malleable and under control.
As far as your family, let me just say, if you quit putting up with the crap and tell them you're leaving until they start behaving, they might wake up and start behaving.
You can always return if you wish, unless the wife goes crazy and pretends she's afraid of you and gets a restraining order.
Have to say, for financial reasons, it's always easier to stay, but you know what they say: You can't buy sanity.