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#373520 - 10/27/11 12:42 PM SURVIVORS: Sex Question
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 703
Loc: NJ
After you revealed the abuse to your spouse/SO, did you stop wanting to have sex?


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#373523 - 10/27/11 02:37 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: Esposa]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Funny you should ask. Yes, my desire has decreased MARKEDLY in spite of the fact that I am a sex addict. Before my disclosure, I wanted sex non-stop. Now I could not care less.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
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#373524 - 10/27/11 02:56 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 703
Loc: NJ
John - why? Do you know why? And how does your wife feel about it?


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#373525 - 10/27/11 03:12 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: Esposa]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Ive never been big on sex, even when I was younger.

Sex was always used as a weapon against me, You can have sex if you dont tell, if you do then this will happen, or you will be in trouble or you will this and that, always threats.
Every time I have sex, even today, I feel that someone will want something from me, or they will use this info against me. Even sex with my wife, feels like I am being manipulated. I Haven't had sex with anyone but my wife for twenty years now.
What sustained me for all that time, Porn and self gratification, no emotional involvement there.

So what do I do about sex now that I have no more porn? When the pressure builds and I start dreaming about it, I will charm my wife and enjoy myself, and then it is over.
I guess I feel in control then. It is on my terms and my time.

Sad what these bastards have done to us. Hope this answers a few questions.

Martin

_________________________
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#373530 - 10/27/11 03:57 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: whome]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 703
Loc: NJ
I always have thought that my husband was hypersexualized... like it was the most important thing to him - I guess that's why I am confused right now. What is the change all of a sudden since revealing the abuse to me? He says he feels pressured... but by who?


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#373532 - 10/27/11 03:59 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: Esposa]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
This happened to me, too. I thought he was hypersexual but then we split recently because sex freaked him out. It's both things, really. He probably feels pressured by HIMSELF...wants to be able to perform but sex makes him feel bad. It's heartbreaking to watch...it caused my ex and me to split in the end.


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#373535 - 10/27/11 04:10 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: hopeandtry]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 703
Loc: NJ
How long were you together?


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#373537 - 10/27/11 04:12 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: Esposa]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
Off and on for three years.


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#373541 - 10/27/11 04:32 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: hopeandtry]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Why, I'm not sure; maybe because I know that now she knows that I'm damaged goods, or weak. Not really sure.

I asked her once, maybe a few months ago, if she would miss sex if we were never intimate again. To my surprise, she said yes, she would miss it. For most of our marriage I perceived her as having little interest if any in sex. But I think my perception, when it comes to sex, is very defective from the abuse.

I will say that since I disclosed to her, and since I've been "diagnosed" as a sex addict, I feel very much like I have developed performance anxiety. I'm not sure how long it has been since we've been intimate, but I would guess maybe around 4-6 months.

Of course, on top of all this, I turned 50 recently, and have also been diagnosed with an enlarged prostate. I would guess this plays into the mix, too.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#373546 - 10/27/11 04:59 PM Re: SURVIVORS: Sex Question [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 703
Loc: NJ
I wish I could look into his brain. God knows, he lets nothing out.


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