Why, I'm not sure; maybe because I know that now she knows that I'm damaged goods, or weak. Not really sure.
I asked her once, maybe a few months ago, if she would miss sex if we were never intimate again. To my surprise, she said yes, she would miss it. For most of our marriage I perceived her as having little interest if any in sex. But I think my perception, when it comes to sex, is very defective from the abuse.
I will say that since I disclosed to her, and since I've been "diagnosed" as a sex addict, I feel very much like I have developed performance anxiety. I'm not sure how long it has been since we've been intimate, but I would guess maybe around 4-6 months.
Of course, on top of all this, I turned 50 recently, and have also been diagnosed with an enlarged prostate. I would guess this plays into the mix, too.
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see
It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me