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#373475 - 10/27/11 02:05 AM Am I the worst husband
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
I post this in F&F because I cant understand women.
I have been in recovery for my CSA since May this year. before that I have been in AA and have been to years of therapy. I need to be careful not to paint myself as a saint, because I think I am doing well. BUT.

My wife tells me that I am distant, not present, removed. I am home but I am not. I go out one night a week, and that's to AA.

I spend a lot of time on MS because it is my only connection to other survivors, with whom I can be honest and open. I am also busy setting up Matrix Men a support group for male survivors. I also council a couple of survivors that are in AA with me.

She feels that I am doing this to avoid facing my own demons, I claim that I am doing this to heal.
I understand that I have put her through hell, and probably back, with my acting out and all the addictions, and I am determined to make it up to her.

I don't know why I am writing this, I posted a quote that says " people only ask for advice, when they know the answers, but don't want to face it" I suppose that this is what I am doing..
How Do get mentally involved, how do I develop emotions that I never had, how do I feel, How do I fit back into a society that I never was a part of, one that I had to drink to be interesting in.
How do I suddenly learn to feel, care.??? I can manage short bursts of involvement, but I still don't like talking about my emotions and feelings, it hurts.

Sex is also a problem for me, I cant get over the fact that for so long sex was a weapon used to control me.
I find my wife sexy, she is visually appealing, and I see other men looking at her but with out the fantasies that I used to get me through the abuse, I cant perform.
I truly love my wife,(If I understand what love is) but she feels that I don't because of all this behavior. Ive tried to explain how I feel, but it seems to fall on deaf ears.

I can dispense advice, see and understand how people feel and what they are going through, but I cant seem to do it for myself.
Remember that in my country, help from a professional therapist is a 1000 miles away, all other therapists don't know how to treat male survivors.

So I humbly bow my head and ask the people on this forum for advice. I don't want anyone to tell me that she is wrong, because she isn't. It is me.

Help me to save my marriage, perhaps hearing it form you will help it to sink into my thick skull.

Thanks all
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#373481 - 10/27/11 04:23 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: whome]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 751
Loc: michigan
hi martin.
I have been there. one of the things that drove me to become a part here was the realization that over many years I have built a facade a picture of myself as a healed and whole individual because it is so much easier to look at myself that way. I guess know one wants to be broken. and helping others is a very powerful affirmation to us so it is easy to hide our brokenness in order to feed on the positive feelings.
problem is we stay broken forever and is just becomes more and more difficult to admit it because you risk loosing all the affirmation and praise I had to drop it and become honest I didn't use to feel these ways I do feel this way or that way and thankfully this is a place to do that safely.
I think that once your wife is able to see the real you the boy who is still needy and wounded once she is able to touch that part of you then intimacy will be no problem you will have gained a great strength and the feelings that you have put away will find a safe place to return.and with that the sexual things will return as well.

_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#373488 - 10/27/11 07:58 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: newground]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Dear Martin,

Let me start by saying with or without CSA marriage is difficult, at least that is my opinion. It is work and I believe most people bring some sort of baggage into their marriage. I would be hard stretched to find a marriage that doesn't have a diagnosis of some sort.

You and your wife are only new to recovery and this is a long journey that doesn't get better right away even with therapy so having to do without is an obstacle. I think the site and your men's group are positive forces in your life.

I am only new to all of this as of January and I can tell you my husband and I are working really hard. The problem is that it's hard and I am frustrated and I am hurt and well angry (there is that word again) and did I mention exhausted! Maybe your wife is angry and you are tired. That's not a good combo. If she is not feeling your love then she's probably wondering why she should stay? Love can be expressed in words but actions are always better and more believable.

I read your posts here and I can tell how much you love her and appreciate her support so it's not that you aren't capable of expressing it, you are! When I read your posts I feel your determination, so find a way to express it to her.

My husband would say how much he loved me but words are hard to believe because he cheated on me with 20+ prostitutes, hum? That doesn't feel like love? My head knows why he did it, my heart is still broken.

As for sex my biggest fear is just what you said. He hasn't admitted it to me but I am a smart girl. I have faith that someday those horrible memories and fantasies will go away. There are healthy fantasies so maybe you can create a new sexy one with your wife. I think newground is right as you heal they will go away. At least I hope.

Good Luck!



Edited by Gretta (10/27/11 10:04 AM)

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#373496 - 10/27/11 08:49 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Gretta]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Oh by the way I don't think you are the worst husband, maybe not always a good one but then again who's perfect?


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#373497 - 10/27/11 09:16 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Gretta]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
You aren't the worst husband. You know what? I am jealous of all the women who have a man who is even attempting recovery. That's what I never got. I know it's hard but I would have been willing to stand by my ex (as long as possible anyway) if he was trying to heal.

Is your wife involved with SANON or something similar? It really helps me to focus on ME and not HIM. I agree that love must be expressed through actions, but I guess to me, it would have shown love if my ex had gotten help so that we could try to work things out. That's a huge statement of love to me. That being said, I know she has been really hurt and probably like most of us, is suspicious and doesn't feel "secure in your love" (that's what I had told my ex once).

Hang in there.


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#373499 - 10/27/11 09:38 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: hopeandtry]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi Martin,

While a therapist may be 1,000 miles away, I suspect you have mail. I have bought many books on Amazon.com about CSA, specifically multiple personalities or DID. They've been quite the eyeopener.

Give some books a try.

D.

_________________________
Female.

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#373500 - 10/27/11 10:19 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Disappointed]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hi, Martin.

One particular point you made in your post resonates with me: your wife's lack of, I don't know, "understanding" of your time on MS. Like you, effective help is many miles away from me, so MS is my only real connection with other survivors, who have at least some understanding of what I've been through. My wife has said that she thinks it is unhealthy for me to spend as much time here as I do, but I feel so isolated when I don't come here. Part of the problem, if I read my wife correctly, is she feels we "sugar-coat" things for each other. For example, the term "acting out" is used here frequently; my wife thinks we should refer to it as "cheating" or "adultery." I think she thinks of MS as being more like a club where we all gather to bitch and moan, and make excuses for ourselves and each other, while I view it as a source of healing. We just need to try to be understanding of our wives, and the crappy way we've treated them at times.

You can't always be the worst husband, because some days I hold that title! Heal well.

Peace,

John



Edited by Fissy Tsickens (10/27/11 10:21 AM)
_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

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#373506 - 10/27/11 11:05 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Oh Martin, I know this is hard, but it can be done. From your de>
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#373508 - 10/27/11 11:12 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Disappointed]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Newground, Hope, Gretta, D., and John.

Thanks all for responding.
John like you I feel at home here amongst people I can understand who can understand me. This is my place of healing, the place where I can see what a messed up individual I actually am.
It is also where I can get some form of validation, at least here I can be helpful.

D. I do a lot of reading, Ken Singer, Mike Lew's books, opening the door, (a therapists guide) Codependent no more, After Codependency, to name but a few.
There are also tons of websites that I read and study, ACSA, AMSOSA, Nextstep, to name a few, so If there a few books I have missed let me know.
Hope, You are right, she has been hurt a lot, If the roles were reversed I would probably have taken of years ago. She heads up a group called tough love here in S.A. They help loved ones get tough on their addicted children or spouses. She is also a master at the Codependents program. (I'm sure that you have heard me talk about this a few times.) LOL

Newground, I think you are onto something there, I have an image of what I think I am and that suffices for me. I need to get real with myself again, and realize that I am a broken work in progress. I wish I could see that real little boy that is lost to me.

Gretta, Thanks for your kind words, I know sometimes I wonder why I didn't cheat on her for all the trouble I am in, but hey, it wouldn't help because I don't really want sex.
I am truly sorry for your pain though, I am sorry that any of us have to go through this.
Thanks all for your responses.

Any ideas on how to DEMONSTRATE my love to her??? Ideas are most welcome

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#373510 - 10/27/11 11:25 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: GoodHope]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Eldee
I like your TMI's they make me smile but also think.
My problem is that if I don't use the fantasies, and these involve images of naked woman in my mind, I lose my libido, which isn't that great to start with. If I do get aroused and don't use 'The girls' then i can carry on like a camel for days.

I think that I will need to make a time for MS and not while she is here, and I will need to get into her head and find common ground.
My problem is that I am very competitive, and if I do take on something, then I have to be the best at it. She then gets upset because she feels I am trying to make her look bad.
I like food she doesn't, She like to smoke I hate it. She is so disciplined and plans everything, whereas I am spontaneous and spur of the moment. There have been so many times where I have said lets do X and she says I haven't planned for that. I mean we are sitting doing nothing, whats to plan??
I moan, Sorry.

Thanks for your response, I will go through the ideas.

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#373511 - 10/27/11 11:27 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: whome]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
Martin - my therapist had me make a list of 20 things that make me feel loved - it was really a hard process with tons of introspection. Then I shared this with my husband. They are easy things and he keeps the list in his drawer. Just the act of responding to the list makes me feel loved.

Also, on the boundaries topic from my therapy last night - we discussed passive agressive reluctance to "perform" as desired by the spouse. I guess survivors struggle with boundaries and then build resentment (albeit sometimes quiet) toward anyone who makes demands, or has needs that are interpreted as a demand by the amigdala. This is something you can work on in you - think to yourself she needs me, wants me because I have value to her - instead of thinking, she thinks I am a failure because I don't meet her needs.


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#373522 - 10/27/11 02:18 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Esposa]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Your Husband is a lucky man Esposa I hope he knows that.

You insight and care make me cry. Thanks for the help

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#373528 - 10/27/11 03:52 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: whome]
hopeandtry Offline


Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 476
@Martin, I agree with another poster that your wife may not understand your time here. (P.S. I hope in my first comment on this thread you understood that I was congratulating you for being here on MS and doing recovery work.) I disagree with the other poster's wife that people are here just making excuses. Sure, that CAN happen and probably does sometimes, but "cheating" or "adultery" is not always "acting out." Sometimes cheating is just selfishness or arrogance. Acting out is different...sure, it's still selfish, but there is a reason behind it besides just being an asshole. Anyway, my point being, maybe you can help your wife see how much MS helps you. I think that my ex probably got frustrated at times because I often saw what he was NOT doing, but forgot to notice what he WAS doing to get better or be a good friend, lover, whatever. Help your wife see what you ARE doing...maybe write what MS or recovery feels like. Also, still make it clear that you are making time for her (Not saying you aren't doing this, just throwing my two cents in there). And most of all, do not let your past bad actions make you think that you have to "pay for it" for the rest of your life. I know at times I've done that to my ex. Then again, he wasn't getting help, either, so it was hard to know how sincere he was about stopping the harmful behavior. Just remember that you are not always wrong just because you did something very hurtful in the past. That's bullshit, and I hope you quit beating yourself up about who you are.


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#373565 - 10/27/11 09:25 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: hopeandtry]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Amygdala:
Very intersting? I didn't know what amygdala was but I thought I would share...Eldee I am sure you knew since you read a text book on this stuff smile

The amygdala is an almond shaped mass of nuclei located deep within the temporal lobe of the brain. It is a limbic system structure that is involved in many of our emotions and motivations, particularly those that are related to survival. The amygdala is involved in the processing of emotions such as fear, anger and pleasure. The amygdala is also responsible for determining what memories are stored and where the memories are stored in the brain. It is thought that this determination is based on how huge an emotional response an event invokes.


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#373566 - 10/27/11 09:43 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Gretta]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
Nice! Yes, the amygdala apparently fires the first responder thought....the one we are trained to have. IN abuse victims, this is usually fight or flight mixed with all the negative self talk. Grabbing the thought and moving it to the frontal lobe, where we can analyze and process it and even twist it to be closer to the truth is the whole trick to the line "don't believe everything you think"


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#373568 - 10/27/11 11:05 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: whome]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 358
My God! Isn't it funny when you click on a topic and it is just what you needed? My husban and I struggle with all of the exact same stuff.

You know, Martin, before the "discovery" of all this, I really wasn't that "needy" of a person but now, oh boy, let me tell you. I am needy. I need attention. I know his actig out isn't about me but you really can never hurt a person to the core of their being as much as through this. I think survivors understand being hurt and wounded to the core of their being so why do the sameto us? Ok, I think like that sometimes but the truth is, none of this is personal but boy, does it feel that way. If you want to destroy a woman, acting out is how you do it. Ok, enuff ranting about my own situation.

I think it is great that you are on here all the time and you have given me some fabulous insights but isn't recovery really seen in the relationships with your loved ones? It is really a true indication of surviving when you have balance in your life. Make time for your wife. That is where I think you will really know recovery and if you truly are healing.

On a childish note, I hope you don't piss you off, and I am sure you will all think I sound like a spoiled 5 year old BUT after all I hve been through I deserve the absolute BEST from my husband NOW!!. Not tomorrow and not next week but NOW. I have had the worse part of him for years,unbeknownst to me. Now it is my time to have the best of him. I don't expect perfection, there is such beauty in the "flaws" (for lack of a better word) of a person. My favorite part of a movie is in As Good as it Gets where she tells him how attractive he is when he shows his soft underbelly and vulnerabilities. I am curious as to what the other wives feel about tht. I want to see the human side of my husband, fears, vulnerabilities, insecurities all of it. As for you survivors, you don't have to put on a front for us. At least for me, when my husband does show me his vulnerable side, I think of him as so strong. Unfortunately it is a very rare thing. When he tries to act all tuff and together, I know he is full of shit and I look at him as weak. It takes stregnth and courage to show your vulnerable side. I feel you are great at being open and honest and vulnerable on this site, but do you do that with your wife?

You say this is a place where you have a connection with othr survivors and b open and honest. are you open and honst with your wife? Correct me if I am wrong, wives, but we want to see your human side. We want to know you. At least for me, I feel lik my husband is a strangr now that I know of all his activities/acting out. I want to know him now, warts and all. I think it is a safety thing for me as I feel so unsafe wih him. I want to feel like he is invested in the relationship.


As for the sex stuff, isn't it shocking how so many of us seem to be in the same boat though my husband doesn't tell me what shit goes on in his head but I have a pretty good idea they are about the abuse. And you know what? I can accept that is a strugle for him but what i can't accept is him "rejecting" me without telling me the truth about what is happening wth him and letting me think it is me.

Does your wife want sex? If she does and you aren't interested and don't tell her the truth, let me tell you the woman is in a tremendous amount of pain.

I hav so many thoughts in my head, I hope I make sense and i hope I haven't offended you, Martin. You may not be the perfect husband but by being on here and working on recovery, you ar showing yourself to be a better husband than most. Of course, you may want to include your wife. It is very lonely living with a survivor.


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#373569 - 10/27/11 11:06 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Gretta]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 358
Gretta,

I wish we could have lunch together. You and I have so much in common. Our stories seem to run parallel.


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#373570 - 10/27/11 11:16 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: lucylives]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Here, here, Lucy lives!

I would like to see the human side of my friend! He's always got a front up. He always presents a happy face, but when he tells me the truth about what might be eating at him (work, this crap, whatever), I feel so much better, because I'm getting to know the real him. I really want to know him, so that is so much better!

D.

_________________________
Female.

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#373571 - 10/27/11 11:16 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: newground]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 358
New ground, to quote you.....

I think that once your wife is able to see the real you the boy who is still needy and wounded once she is able to touch that part of you then intimacy will be no problem you will have gained a great strength and the feelings that you have put away will find a safe place to return.and with that the sexual things will return as well.

Wow! Tht so is how I feel. I want toknow my husband. I want to know that wounded litte boy. I want to feel like he needs me. Yes, I sound like a codependent idiot but lets face it, the acting out did nothing to make me feel like I am valued, wanted or needed. Now I want that , and hopefully it can happen in a healthy, not totally emmeshed way. Did I mention I want it NOW! cry I am tired of trying to have patience. I am crabby tonite...........


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#373573 - 10/27/11 11:23 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: lucylives]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Lucy Lives you articulated my thoughts PERFECTLY!

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Wife of a survivor

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#373574 - 10/27/11 11:28 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: GoodHope]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Come clumsily, awkwardly, tentatively, toward us. Just reach out to us, for us in whatever state you happen to be in. We don't need your fake perfection or exaggerated selves. We don't need you to have all the answers or solutions. We Just want you, just as you are...

_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#373594 - 10/28/11 08:31 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: GoodHope]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
Love this Eldee - and it is so incredibly true. Those of us who have opted to stay and walk the walk with our partners, have already accepted them even if they haven't yet accepted themselves.


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#373636 - 10/28/11 05:15 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Esposa]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
These fine answers above Martin, are the stuff that will keep your recovery active and progressive. May I add only that you and I share the samedesire to reach out to support others, to our exclusion.

Spend time sitting alone with you. Listen to thoughts, but do not pick them. Let them float. Our minds will sort, file and clarify "strings" of data. Then the new data can be applied to our hearts and actions.

It takes practice but it can me very rewarding.

My best to you, Martin,
Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#373637 - 10/28/11 05:17 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Esposa]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
*



Edited by sasuva (10/28/11 05:18 PM)
Edit Reason: wrong topic
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#374198 - 11/03/11 08:32 PM . [Re: whome]
lady123 Offline


Registered: 09/14/11
Posts: 28
.

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#374318 - 11/04/11 11:55 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: lucylives]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Quote:
Come clumsily, awkwardly, tentatively, toward us. Just reach out to us, for us in whatever state you happen to be in. We don't need your fake perfection or exaggerated selves. We don't need you to have all the answers or solutions. We Just want you, just as you are...

Thanks Eldee
You opened my eyes and I will surely try to do this. On the flip side I am so tired of giving her parts and second best. She deserves so much more.



Quote:
On a childish note, I hope you don't piss you off, and I am sure you will all think I sound like a spoiled 5 year old BUT after all I hve been through I deserve the absolute BEST from my husband NOW!!. Not tomorrow and not next week but NOW. I have had the worse part of him for years,unbeknownst to me. Now it is my time to have the best of him. I don't expect perfection, there is such beauty in the "flaws"


You are right Lucy. I have put my wife through the worst for so long and I would dearly like to give her the best, but this brings up guilt and guilt makes me act out again, but I have overcome so much, I will conquer this too.

Quote:
Does your wife want sex? If she does and you aren't interested and don't tell her the truth, let me tell you the woman is in a tremendous amount of pain.


She is very sexual, but problem is that I used images of naked woman in my mind to make the abuse more bearable, so I wouldn't have to look at the grimacing sweating ugly beast that was my perpetrator. Now the images have run out because if I go to look at naked woman, to fill my mental file, It will lead to porn and the porn addiction, and this WILL be a bad thing.
I need to learn to love my wife's beauty, and learn to use that as a tool to turn me on. I know it sounds weird, but I have been looking at the perfect airbrushed and surgically "perfected" bodies for so long, and when I look at the wife, who has given me a beautiful daughter, I struggle. But I wont let this get me down, I taught my mind to enjoy those pictures, I can train it to enjoy something else.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and side discussions, they are as always really appreciated. Of course any more comment is always welcome. At least I know to a large degree that you understand.
I must point out that you are all Gems, and your Husbands are incredibly lucky to have you in their lives at this time.
I truly hope that you all tell yourselves how special you are, and give yourselves a proverbial pat on the back.

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#374319 - 11/04/11 11:58 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: lady123]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Lady.
Thanks, I will look at this. At this point in my life I will try anything. And yes I am finding good suggestions, like the one you just gave me.

Thank you
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#374343 - 11/05/11 08:03 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: whome]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Martin the other side of those " perfect bodies" is you can't view porn for very long without seeing the nasty side, dirty drug induced world. Yes their bodies are nice but if you look carefully you can see the sad pathetic side of the people in those movies. You wife is clean and whole unlike the women that are selling her bodies for money and drugs.

I have three children and my body has seen better days. I am working on it for me not him but it will never be the same, better but never the same.


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#374358 - 11/05/11 11:11 AM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: Gretta]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Martin,

Sorry to be graphic (again) but is there a part of your wife's body that you think is particularly hot. If so, can you fixate on that on her to get your engine revved up just prior to? So, I've had 3 kids in rapid succession, breast-fed, etc. I weigh more and things that did not droop, now do, (and I'm not talking just eye-lids from the lack of sleep the little monsters deprive me of!). But my backside still looks great if I play it up and my legs are nice. I call attention to those things for him because while not porn star quality, they are quite nice and the bonus is, he can actually touch, feel, taste etc. unlike images in your head or on a video screen.

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#374371 - 11/05/11 03:08 PM Re: Am I the worst husband [Re: GoodHope]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Yes Eldee

she does have hot legs and wonderfull boobs.

Please understand I DONT like porn stars at all, strange I watched them so much. I always felt so sorry for them.
Anyway, nice suggestion Eldee.

BTW, I hope things improve for you.

Chat soon
Martin

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