I talked to my survivor friend over the weekend. I asked his alter how old he was. He's 12 and likes to act out.
Please tell me some techniques for helping an alter mature.
I can imagine how frustrating it would be for you to have a relationship with a 12-year-old. I wondered about that with my own wife a few years ago.
I don't mind him being 12-years-old. He's very sweet, just like a child. What I mind is that he really just wants me to play his game.
There are all kinds of related questions. Is the alter boy (not altar boy) the main alter? Or just one of them (probably).
I'm pretty sure he's got one "Apparently Normal Personality" (a term I got from a therapist's book on multiples) which is his main personality, and two behind-the-scenes alters. The ANP works hard to pretend there's no dark past, and stays busy to avoid thinking.
You have to find out what kind of memories he has in that alter. Does he contain the memories of trauma and abuse? (That was my case). Or is he perhaps the main one who didn't "remember" the abuse? Remember in the book about this (The Fractured Mind). Bobby in there was the "container" of the abuse.
The alter I deal with definitely remembers trauma. Not sure about the rest. We haven't gone into detail. And I gave him my book.
If as I suspect the 12-y-o alter has all kinds of degraded memories of abuse, then they're going to be pretty heavy. And they're going to heavily mold his thinking and behavior. Maybe that's what he means by acting out.
He doesn't say "act out." I did. He wanted his alter to become beside himself with anxiety, which he did.
Are you saying, when his alter who contains the trauma memories discusses these memories, his behavior will begin changing and/or diminishing? Or will only the EMDR begin that?
I would guess that the 12-y-o needs to talk to someone who has skill in that area (talking to an adult body who is really a child). You can do some of it but it will get very heavy. If you do, take notes, that is keep a journal of progressive revelations.
He sees a therapist almost every week. I am hoping the therapist will start talking to the alters.
What helped me the most was EMDR. The EMDR sessions would begin with a present situation (possibly of what you're calling "acting out"). Then the EMDR will open up the childhood trauma and connect it with his adult self. That process may have to be repeated several different times. You need someone skilled in EMDR because it shouldn't be done by an amateur.
I've mentioned EMDR to him; he has kept his treatment decisions close to his chest.