It's such a shock when I let the busy-ness of my life subside enough to allow the emotions in. I feel like I've been part of a train wreck. One minute he is tender and sorry that he has hurt me or that he isn't "well"...tells me he loves me and misses me...then the next thing I know he can't stand me in his life. This still shocks me when I think about it. I wonder when I will be able to let this event be part of my life without either a) blocking it out or b) it hurting so much. I know I'm still in the pretty early stages of grief, obviously. I'm also trying to learn to feel forgiveness and hurt at the same time...a lot of the time it's one or the other, but not always. I just know I cannot block out these emotions forever as that is unhealthy. I guess with all the stress from school, work, and my own (other) personal issues, I haven't had the energy to think too much about this. I feel like I'm looking at the landscape of my life after it's been bombed. All I can do is start picking up the pieces one at a time, and bandaging my wounds until they get the treatment they need.