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#37324 - 07/03/02 05:20 AM isn't this area for male survivors only?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Nothing againt Babs, but she is a spouse.

Can someone clarify this for me since this is not the first time i said something.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#37325 - 07/03/02 07:18 AM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Perhaps Babs posted here since this is where Edwin was posting. Perhaps she felt this is where he would see her reply. I know the chat room for male survivors is for male survivors only. The moderator of this board should address this issue for you, Babs and Edwin?

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It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#37326 - 07/03/02 01:04 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I know this is a Male Survivors forum, somewhere we can retreat to- a place where we can discuss male issues with other males, and if the majority of guys wish it to be strictly enforced then I guess the issue will be addressed.

But we must understand that wives and partners can still read our posts, so there's no secrecy. And that partners are very important to our recovery, if we're that lucky.
Also they often have something very important to add, the view from across the kitchen table !!

Some posts by partners are asking our advice, and it can be argued that that the place is on the Friends / Family forum. But do we all read the other forums, or do we just scoot down the Male Survivors and ignore the rest ?

I have noticed the spat going on between certain people who use the site, although it's background is something I know nothing about.
I suspect it has origionated from the chat room, and is something we can do without. But I hope this isn't the reason for asking partners not to post on the Male forum.

A last point, if we start setting lines in the sand, will we be bumped off the Gay Survivors forum and the Friends & Family ? I certainly hope not, because, personally,I dont care where my help comes from.

Those are just a few ideas off the top of my head, throw them about and see what comes up.
I hope we get a good respose to this.

Thanks, Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#37327 - 07/04/02 12:22 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
I'm just bouncing this topic back up the list again, any ideas guys ?
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#37328 - 07/05/02 12:42 AM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
HI LLOYDY....YEAH, I GUESS IT'S OK WITH ME THAT THE "OTHER HALF" POSTS HERE. AFTER ALL, THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO HELP! AND YES,"I" DO GO TO ALL THE OTHER SITES HERE AND READ, AND SOMETIMES COMMENT, FOR ALL THATS WORTH!


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#37329 - 07/05/02 12:43 AM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
goflyakiteV Offline
Member

Registered: 05/24/01
Posts: 66
Loc: n.a.
.....AND LLOYDY.......I THINK YOUR DOING A FINE JOB, AS MODERATOR!

SLEEP WELL TONIGHT MY FRIEND .....SCOT


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#37330 - 07/05/02 02:39 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
Let's see.

Now we have several forums related to different categories of topics and posters.
Everybody can read the forums.

There is need of communication between the different categories of posters.
Before, I did not tend to read the forums for Gay survivors and Family and friends since i regarded that as an unwanted intrusion.

Now i understand that its i suggested that male survivors can answer and post topics at Family and friends and vice versa, to fullfill the need of intercategorial communication.

Some male survivors feel unsafe with the idea of seeing subjectlines of other "categories".

Babs post was a recognizable intercategorial post because of her female name.

For me it was pleasant to be able to recognize a post as coming from a not male&survivor.

Keep intercategorial posts recognizable i suggest.

Another (maybe costly) solution could be selecting "show topics from" o category1 o category2 o category3 .. , similar to selecting "show topics from days" and introducing category of topic starter/replier/author in the headline of a topic and a post.


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#37331 - 07/05/02 07:48 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Thanks for the opinions, and so far I can't see that much reason for things to change, ( but that's a personal view, I'm just the moderator, I don't make decisions )

Manchilds point that maybe it would be good if partners etc identified themselves as such is possibly the way ahead, and we could return the courtesy if we post on other forums.

It is a problem to identify who's who when so many of us use nicknames, but if something is posted that's pertinant and useful is it a problem ?

Keep the opinions coming.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#37333 - 07/09/02 05:19 AM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
i am ok with the way things are just wanted to know why we have the rule?

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#37334 - 07/10/02 01:38 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Guys,
There is no rule stating that it is a men only forum, apparently a former moderator tried to impose this "rule", but that's before my time.
The feedback indicates we're cool with things the way they are, so that's the way it stays I guess.

My view is that we don't always appreciate the views of partners and supporters, I'm guilty of that, ask my wife ! ;\)
I suppose we get tunnel vision, there's so much stuff to think about, and we run the risk of being selfish at the expense of others.
I'm often aware of sounding like a "me - me - me" whiner at times, so I have to force myself to shut the **** up and listen to the person sat across the kitchen table, and you know what ? If I shut my gob and open my ears I learn something !!

Our partners and supporters give us so much, which is why I would hate to see us alienate them from our forum.
And we should also remember to thank them occasionally as well, I certainly should anyway, I've just admited to being a "me - me - me - whiner with tunnel vision" \:D \:D

Thanks,
Lloydy \:\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#37335 - 07/10/02 04:51 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Lloydy,

The main directory describes this specific forum as follows....

"Open discussion for men who were sexually abused. All others please post in the Family and Friends Forum."

Beyond that, this forum is in the section for *Male Survivors* This place is for male survivors, not wives, not girlfriends, not boyfriends, not neighbors, it is for MALE SURVIVORS, and yes, i feel quite strongly about it.

I think the issue is there are an awful lot of sites for women and non survivors to post on and very very few for male survivors.

It would be nice if this board stayed the way it was set up, for male survivors only.

I think the line on the main directory is enough for right now, it discourages anyone other than male survivors from posting here and it seems to do a fine job for the most part.

I dont think it has anything to do with some rule made up by some previous moderator, and it has even less to do with alienating anyone from the site, it is the way it is for good reason, this is one of the very very few sites for males, with eight boards reserved for males. That is ok in my book.

There is a forum set up for friends and family, that is where they can post. I have to add that i was really discouraged to see how the thread by edwin garcia titled *on my way to freedom* went. Who else needs a place to post more than a guy like edwin? These forums are for people to post their thoughts and views on, period. If your inspired to reply, you reply, this is not a place for hurtful things of any nature to take place. If someone is doing something that is hurtful, report them to the admins, thats one of the things they do, it is not for anyone else to get into.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#37336 - 07/10/02 07:49 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
John
I'm sorry you feel that the forum isn't being used correctly, although your earlier post did say

Quote:
i am ok with the way things are just wanted to know why we have the rule?
Well, I have no hand in making the rules, and as a relative newcomer I wouldn't be so presumptuous to even offer "my interpretation" of any rules. But I did recieve a message from the administrators yesterday saying

Quote:
Actually there is no rule prohibiting spouses or significant others from posting in your forum. A former moderator tried to impose this a long time ago without consulting with us first. He left and eventually spouse's and significant others began posting periodically.
So my comments are based on this. And I think I have been as clear as possible in identifying my personal views.

Your point about Edwin -
Quote:
If your inspired to reply, you reply, this is not a place for hurtful things of any nature to take place. If someone is doing something that is hurtful, report them to the admins, thats one of the things they do, it is not for anyone else to get into.
I believe this is exactly the process that took place. I honestly know very little about this episode, or it's background and origins, so I really can't comment further on it.

John, I do hope that answers some of your questions and misgivings, and please don't think I'm throwing your quotes back at you, it's the easiest way to address your questions.

thanks
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#37337 - 07/10/02 08:25 PM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Bob Wheelock Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/14/02
Posts: 15
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I am really new to expressing my fears, pains, thoughts etc. on a public forum. When I signed up or registered I did not fully realise that the name I gave, which is my real legal name, was what was going to be used publicly. I had thought that my username or sign in name would be used.
At any rate, I am one that feels comfortable talking with other men, who were abused as children or possibly have been abused as adults. I an open to getting their ideas and viewpoint. I do not use my fellow vicitms as a therapist. But unless the therapist is a survivor they too often do not understand.
I do not like to exclude people. But, I guess that I will use private messages to guys to ask about things that I just feel a non-survivor would not understand or have any real helpful views on.
Perhaps I am disillusioned a little, because I had a therapist who re-traumatized me and made me the cause of the abuse. It hurt alot and took some years before I would open up to another therapist.
I feel a kinship with the men who are survivors. For me, the private message is a way for me to feel secure in what goes out from my heart. I am kind of scarred yet (afraid)
Bob


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#37338 - 07/11/02 03:45 AM Re: isn't this area for male survivors only?
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Offensive post removed.

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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