The world isn't ready to see adult men so vulnerable, because they are also not ready to deal with the consequences of accepting what that means.

Basically, I agree with you - we are right now at that point that females were at with this 30yrs ago - though for different reasons...

Tyr, Early Bird, Dark Heart, and the Two of You -

I just wanted to express my support. It is difficult but you DO have some brothers here who stand with you. I've suffered both CSA and ASA - they were very different experiences. I know how isolating the pain can be.

thanks Chase E

Hello everyone,

I still read and follow the ASA threads (nothing else) but I rarely comment, anymore. As respectfully as I can I’d like to say I started this particular thread to highlight why I’ve grown distant and silent but that reason has been completely missed.

It is not the fault of any of you who have tried to connect with this thread (and possibly me) for I’m forced to speak in code and that frustrates me to no end for its a reminder of how the world coerces ASA men to speak, not as honest men but rather cowed boys. So my fellow survivors this thread is completely off track from my original meaning and all I can say is I’m not allowed to redirect it back towards its intended course. (I’ve grown bitter over this unresolved issue) Earl

welli am not going to speak in code. point blank it might be very interesting that you dont take orders well because of authority issues from a rape. but regrettably the world doesn't know how to express its care yet. im worried if you put yourself out there, you might get a not comfortable awakening and wondering why aren't they supportive. the majority of the world is sadly a selfish world= your friends here care. i care. but the world doesnt know what to do withus yet

Okay, I agree code sucks and too easily sends things off into the imaginations of well-meaning others while giving shelter to those who don’t deserve it.

I keep reading that “the world” doesn’t understand. That “the world” won’t listen to us. That “the world” refuses to recognize and validate us.

All of which is true there’s no argument from me on this observation but what MS has shown me - it’s not just “the world” that is proving to be non-understanding, deaf and blind.

Trust is hard when you feel no one is listening or cares. I know how it feels, it is hard and you can feel isolated. I have found support here, in support group, a small group of people who were friends and strangers who are now like family and my T. I want to tell my brother but fear a reaction similar to what I have experienced from other family members. But I believe he will have compassion and understand. It takes a leap of faith. I have to admit I never understood the effects of CSA, they are far more devastating than I ever imagined. It robs you of trust, attachment, feeling worthy and valued, allows you to be taken advantaged and hurt by others and when disclosed it exposes you to either acceptance or taunts from those who live in ignorance and self opinion. They are blinded by their own need not to face the realities of the world, but to band together to destroy a fragile and wounded individual. But be brave, for you deserve more and in time you will find the people who value you and will trust you and open their hearts to what you have endured and buried for so long. These people are your future, you cannot build a life with those that are ignorant, because you never know when they will turn.

Everyone here understands as do the supporters who have taken time, exposed their pain to understand what a survivor endured as a child or adult of being sexually abused.

Today, I’ve been having a side conversation by PM with one of the guys here concerning this thread or maybe it would be better said, my perspective being expressed. Not a debate as to if I’m justified in my frustration and anger over what this thread is really about but whether the current outcome is what I’m after or what any of us need. Is what I’m doing and saying helpful for me or anyone? (I’m adding some of my own interpretation to the conversation)

It is a good thing when a brother reaches out, not in judgment or anger and asks their companion to “think”. (Something I can take a lesson in from time to time)

It is important for me to let this go and refocus my efforts and emotions on to what is the real issue-sexual assault of all kinds.

Whether I was right or wrong is of little importance compared to the work laid out before me and others here. So if you are willing help me to talk about something different and constructive. This throwing stones because I’m pissed isn’t working out so well.

You know I'm willing to help you bro ...

Hey Tyr,
I don't want to hijack your forum as I really don't belong here but felt I just wanted to offer words of support to all of you here. In a way I think all of us have issues with authority if we have been sexually abused or even if it's other forms of abuse also. I do echo what you say about the world not knowing how to deal with any of it. People most generally do not want to deal with anything that might make them uncomfortable. It's like it's still a taboo subject for many. Very much so the world is all about themselves which is sad. I just hope that one day all of us survivors are accepted with open arms no matter what form of sexual abuse we endured. Again, I don't mean to hijack your forum. You guys have my support and I wish you well in you healing journey.