I am a partner of a survivor with a SSA question. i am so deeply indebted to this site and everyone here, so i hope i have not broken the rules by posting here, if i have please let me know.
I am a gay male. Ben has been self-identifying with me as "just Ben" or "having no idea" and on several occasions has explained his feelings as "straight except for me."
we are not a couple or dating right now. we did very casually date for about 6 months (my whole story about this is in my post "rally to stay, or rally to go"). for purposes of this question, Ben and i remain inseparably close and share a bond that is closer and more special than anything i have ever known...and being "together" is always something that is on the table, our emotional intimacy is deeper than that i have shared with any partner before, and this summer after another of his recovery break-throughs, he asked if we could start experiment his very deep feelings for me by sleeping together again...and we did. although the sex stopped the next week, as i expected given how recovery goes, we are still in that same emotionally intimate place...and all tings still remain on the table.
His necessary journeying to figure out his orientation and/or whether i am who he should be with has taken an unexpected leap into a serious relationship with a woman and obviously become way more painful for me.
so i feel like i need more personal information (as opposed to all the more clinical research information) from others right now about their experiences as i decide whether to stay in this with him.
most everyone here semms to have a partner or friend, etc., who was abused after age 7. my extensive research has taught me that the affects of the abuse play out very differently when the abuse happens before that, particularly with respect to SSA and sexual orientation.
Ben's abuse happened when he was between 4-6, and it was very severe.
although Ben has been seemingly "text book" with the research across the board thus far with pretty much all of his recovery, including the orientation confusion as opposed to just SSA piece and his deep trust in only me about his abuse and his life, like all things, nothing is 100% and i fear now that maybe Ben might be the exception. if he is, that obviously changes things significantly for me.