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#373948 - 11/01/11 01:42 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: cris40ky]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
I appreciate you talking about that....more than you'll know. At the time, did you feel like God showed up and rescued you, or did you feel like he didn't?

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#373949 - 11/01/11 01:44 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: Marinan]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
Marinan, care to tell us anything about it? Only recently did it occur to me that others may have the same compounded issues I deal with (sexual abuse AND having been bullied).

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#373950 - 11/01/11 01:45 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: pufferfish]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
You're right, it's powerful.

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#373951 - 11/01/11 01:49 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: WriterKeith]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
Guys, your input is helpful to those of us whose CSA was compounded and reinforced by bullying from others.

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#373969 - 11/01/11 11:01 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: WriterKeith]
cris40ky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/11
Posts: 188
Loc: KY, US
Keith,

God and me is a twisted tale. Not just because of the abuse from a priest. I am now comfortably an atheist. I say comfortably because with my faith, I worked long and hard to separate the influences from the abuse and my personal experience of "God". I am confident and at peace with my atheism as a tested truth for me.

But to answer your question, at the time, I felt god as a tangible, exterior presence in my life. A source of unconditional love no matter what the people in my life put me through. God did not change their behavior or my circumstances. But he comforted me. And as a catholic, religious practices like the rosary and the Breviary (sp??) gave my mind structured focus to step away from the daily pain. Religious practice gave me hope that all the world wasn't fucked up. And there was something out there that loved me.

Chris


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#374033 - 11/02/11 12:23 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: cris40ky]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
Chris,
Thanks for talking about that. You put it very well.

One of the things on my mind is, as my sister and I were dragged by our father next door every Saturday to be tortured and molested, my sister tried to comfort me. Being hauled on the way over to my perp father's f'd up friend's home, she'd repeatedly tell me to pray to Jesus to come and save us. He never did.

It's got me thinking of the many, many others who were not helped in their greatest moment of need, from the Jews to missionaries who were led to their deaths while praying for help.

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#374035 - 11/02/11 12:57 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: WriterKeith]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: WriterKeith

It's got me thinking of the many, many others who were not helped in their greatest moment of need, from the Jews to missionaries who were led to their deaths while praying for help.


Maybe they were delivered to a different and better place.

Maybe if I hadn't endured hell as a child, I would be an arrogant sob now and ready for hell later.

Puffer


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#374037 - 11/02/11 01:20 AM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: pufferfish]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
I used to pray the Same Keith, Lord Why me, why do I have to endure all this pain and suffering.
Now here we are years later, and I finally know why it is that this happened. I am here to set up a group to help other men. I have the character and the personality to be able to help. For me a different life path would have been great, But God had other plans. I remember a verse that says, "and all things happen for good" Its Romans 8:28 I Think.
I would read this and go yeah sure, what the hell good will come of this, and well here I am, terrorising my wife and doing crazy things, but I am here alive and getting better.
I believe that we are all born with a purpose, and all have something to fulfil in this life, so we have to make the best of it, or else whats it all about.
This life cant be all that its about, otherwise it has been a really crappy one for a lot of us.

Heal well brothers
Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
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#374076 - 11/02/11 01:08 PM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: whome]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
It's an interesting study in sociology, for sure, although I may have hijacked my own thread. LOL

Back on topic, I've come to recognize the significant impact of the trauma of intensive bullying experience (PTSD) layered over CSA.

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#374082 - 11/02/11 01:44 PM Re: CSA Compounded with bullying [Re: WriterKeith]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1937
Loc: durham, north england
This is a rather hard question for me to answer objectively, sinse in my case separating bullying from Sa is near impossible.
From when I was eleven it was generally a slippery slope, starting with the odd bruise and some name calling, to the point of what was virtually gang rape and extreme s/xual humiliation, like having my trousers removed in front of a crowd of people,k being forced to mastervate and having the result slapped in my face.

It got to the point that I literally had no perception of time whatsoever and would do anything to avoid going to school, and once at school anything to avoid breaks, ---- I even felt glad when a teacher gave the entire class a detention at lunch (something that happened worryingly often in my school), or over exam periods.

The odd thing to mention now, is how difficult it was for me to mention this to anyone sinse I held two completely contradictory beliefss, that my brother, who was at a different school and talked constantly about the great time and great friends he had, was going through the same thing, thus meaning it was my failing, and that I was entirely and completely alone.

When i was 15, my parents eventually got me to admit to some of the physical violence and name calling, and I was taken out of school temporarily, though that was two months before I had to leave anyway, and they stil didn't know about the more extreme stuff.

The Joke? The school authorities attempted to sue them for truent, these same school authorities that literally denied anything was wrong because the school was on the closure list, and even gave me severe tellings off and such over what happened on some occasions, like the occasion I punched a girl in the chest while she was trying to do something unpleasant.

I moved school when I was 16 to do my A-levels, and things worked out reasonably well just because nothing bad really happened, but I stil never felt part of a group and indeed don't think I ever will. I'm an outsider, that's the end of it and the truth, and i have an inherent misstrust of any group of people.

This is also why crude humour and s/xual jokes are something I stil find difficult to cope with, in fact sometimes I actually hate my own libido.

Personally, I'm of the opinion a lot of bullying and indeed a lot of the bad stuff that happened to me would've been stopped if I'd just gone to a school where people actually wanted! to learn.

I'm really of the opinion that a national corriculum, and forcing alsorts of kids who probably don't even want to be there into a building together and trying to teach them all the same thing is a recipe for social isolation and cruelty.

If kids want to leave school at 13, let them go and do something else, like learn a trade or get an apprentice ship, but get them out of the way of people who actually want! to studdy.

I'm even more disturbed at the moment by the education studies that are talking about boys doing less interlectual things than girls, and giving boys stupid games to play rather than material to actually challenge their brains, it just seems another form of sexism to me.


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