From a point of view of a survivor, after almost a year i can see how much i have walked in my new shoes. I move forward and I feel more real than I have ever felt in my entire life. I don't know all that happened in childhood. What I do remember was terrible, and yet I am here.
Lately I have begun to feel the difference between being a child and being an adult. I am sharing this here because it is my story, it is part of my story. Trying to make sense of my past and and understanding the changes help.
I wish i could say that feeling like an adult is a great feeling, but it's a mixed blessing at best.
I feel like i'm leaving part of who I am behind and it's a scary feeling. As I get some clarity on some events, the triggers become less, but new ones come.
I day dream(for lack of a better world) of situations, short visions, images. Lately it's that white bathroom,skylight, white tube, rust on the drain, the drip of water, with that echo as the drops hit the water in the tub, the blood. I don't see the perp, it's just me after, by myself. But it's the me now, that is there. I'm not sure I understand yet. anyways , that's all for now