Some people say that if your confused about your sexuality then the question is who could you imagine you having a life with. The answer to me is neither right now I can only imagine casual sex with a friend? Anyone else like this??

Yep - sounds familiar. Your abuse is like having two radio transmitters on the same frequency. The abuse is shouting over the other transmission so it might as well not be there.

For me, 'casual sex' was code for "I want to live out the fantasies that my abuse has me thinking about with absolutely no other interaction." The world is more than sex but right now, for you, sex is more than the world. You might want to think about why that is.

Over time, you figure out that you have a sexuality beyond what your abuse has you into. My advice is to seek out a therapist that specializes in abuse and start working through your issues. The more you can separate your abuse from your sexuality, the better you'll be in a position to figure out what your sexuality is.

Hope that helps.

Cheers,
~S

Shaun,

That's great advise! I second that 100%

totally agree. i had it bad and would lose time. I learned I tried tp act out by recreating what the abuser did to me. I do not know actually what happened because I would come back lost and scared as to where I was. Therapy we are working to recapture the memories. There are emails and pictures the T thinks I thought it would get me love and i would feel better. Now people think I am gay, that would be cool if i was, but i know i want a loving relationship with a woman who wants me for me. Therapy has helped to clarify all this. So get the therapy it helps in so many ways in healing your mind and soul.

I can relate with the desire to have casual sex all the time. I am married but we have many challenges in the bedroom mainly because my abuse issues. Lately i feel numb from my waist down. In n effort to "awake" myself up I've tried pornography but the last time it didn't work. Now I am entertaining thoughts of hooking up, again an attempt to feel sexual again. One thing I understand is I am not alone with this struggle. Thank you for sharting.

for me - i would not call it "casual" sex but was more along the lines of "anonymous" sex. Sex with NO CONNECTION of any kind -- just the act. And it was very compulsive.

it got very risky -- thats when i decided i had to get help.

btw --- porn only fueled the fire. that don't work too well. (at least for me it didn't)