It is very common for csa survivors to stay with their perps or go back to them. I know this was true for me and when dealing with my csa today its one of the hardest parts about the abuse to accept since the fact that I did makes it feel like I wanted it and therefore it was my fault. This in itself is oxymoronic since why would I blame myself for something I wanted but I digress.
Looking back on it I stayed with him even though I hated what was happening for a few reasons. One, simply for a lack of anywhere else to go. My parentís were completely out of the picture and I needed him to take care of me literally to survive. Two, after all the grooming that took place leading up to the abuse it was like he owned me and therefore I couldnít leave him. It was as if I was a hostage to his mental manipulation. Three, after the first incident of abuse with him I was in such shock that I was in no state to take any action. Therefore it continued. Finally, and most fundamentally, I was a child and he was an adult so I didnít have the power to enact any decisions even if I could come to them.
On that note you said that your husbandís csa involved child-on-child abuse. 9 years old is a long way from 12 or 13. Despite the differences in physical size there are also huge differences in intellectual and sexual development and the differences in power that come with it. Anyways like many survivors I struggle with why I didnít just leave. However, writing this all down helps with it so thank you for the opportunity to do so.
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And weíll change the world.