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#371210 - 09/28/11 07:50 AM Flashbacks?
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
When my husband gets flashback, he almost seems drunk. Is that normal? Given his past I feel bad but I question if he has been drinking or taking something. He doesn't make sense, he rambles, he definitely disappears an hour or two before the full blown flashback. The most recent was better than the last but it's scary.


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#371286 - 09/29/11 04:13 AM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: Gretta]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Gretta

I think we are afraid to answer this one in case.

Well, In my experience, I have flashbacks and kinda zone out, depending on the severity of the flashback, and how many senses are affected.
If I smell something that triggers me, I do get zonked, because the sense of smell is not controllable, and depending what the smell is, and what memory it triggers.
Food is easy, I have just stopped eating the foods that affect me.

The other day we were down at the river, and although we go often, we seldom go to that particular part of the river. Whilst going up on the boat, we passed a place that brought back memories, or triggered me. I was out, I mean standing on my feet in the boat, people talking to me,......and me,....well I wasn't there. Totally zoned out. My wife said I was like that for a couple minutes. Weird

So If you cant smell it, he aint been drinking, and is probably on a horror trip.

The interesting thing here, if he is keen, is to ask questions, ask what set him of, what he he was doing, what he was eating etc, and you can together help figure out what it is that has set him of. If he works out what triggers then he can avoid it or at least know that it does. Helps me a lot.

Hope this helps

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#371299 - 09/29/11 09:54 AM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: whome]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 417
Gretta, in off-topic, Robbie has a thread about flashbacks.

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#371303 - 09/29/11 10:18 AM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: whome]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Thanks Martin,
I could tell it was a touchy subject when no one replied. I appreciate your honest answer. Why is a survivors sense of smell so strong?

Gretta


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#371319 - 09/29/11 03:08 PM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: Gretta]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Its not so much a sense of smell, but rather smells or Tastes or things we see. You dont know till you see it, smell it, taste it. Sometimes it happens and you dont even realize it has triggered you.

Have you not had it sometime, you smell something, and it brings back a great memory, well we have that bringing back bad memories, the deodorant the perp used or an after shave, Shampoo, it could even be the smell of a fabric, air freshener that he used in the house.
there are so many different things to be aware of.
As long as we realize that it could be anything.

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#371408 - 09/30/11 02:38 PM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: whome]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
flashbacks come in order (timewise). Usually the flashbacks related to smell come first. Then you can have taste and then vision. To me the emotion flashbacks came first and I didn't know what they were.

The first "smell" flashback (olfactory) that I know of was when I was a college freshman. A guy across the hall wanted a bunch of us to go to a James Dean film with him (we now learn that James Dean was himself probably a victim of abuse - see biography of Elizabeth Taylor). We walked everywhere. On the way back I smelled engine oil in a parking place. It gave me a creepy flashback because I had experienced abuse in a garage. At that point I hadn't remembered anything aside from flashbacks.

Puffer


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#371409 - 09/30/11 02:56 PM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: pufferfish]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Do they ever go away? At this point my husbands flashbacks are new memories and pretty disturbing. We have taken the advice of the site and he has stopped telling me the exact content. It puts me in a deep hole. I get so paralyzed with sadness and anger thinking what happened to him. He ends up worrying about me which isn't right.


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#371454 - 10/01/11 02:33 PM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: Gretta]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Gretta
Do they ever go away? At this point my husbands flashbacks are new memories and pretty disturbing. We have taken the advice of the site and he has stopped telling me the exact content. It puts me in a deep hole. I get so paralyzed with sadness and anger thinking what happened to him. He ends up worrying about me which isn't right.


If you take just the words that you describe here, (I don't know anything else about your circumstances) then it sounds a great deal like what my wife and I went through. At the outset she quickly volunteered to listen to everything. But it soon became obvious that it wasn't a good idea. I shared with a professional T. I had a mountain of sharing to do because I had never been listened to as a child. I looked forward to counseling sessions because finally somebody was listining to me. (My wife listened to me very well after we were married, but I didn't remember anything from childhood).

I remembered how I was abused as a child when I was about 45. It came like a Tsunami. It wiped out my existing sense of self and became disorienting. I was very depressed. I lost my job. I felt like a little boy. On and on and on. At first I had terrible flashbacks. They were about people. Innocent people in my environment who merely resembled my perpetrator would cause me to weep and spin into a depression. If the preacher used the word "abuse" it would spin me off into tears. Needless to say, onlookers didn't understand. But the irony is that I thought everybody knew. I didn't have a strong idea of who knew what. So I didn't have a clue as to how to talk to people about what I was going through.

The professional T helped me understand that when I had flashbacks it was something in my own mind. That's all it took to cycle those flashbacks down. I just had to keep that in mind: That it was in my mind and not real. That worked for me. Within a few weeks the flashbacks were minimal and I discovered I had some rather large other issues to work out.

Puffer




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#371487 - 10/02/11 04:11 AM Re: Flashbacks? [Re: pufferfish]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Thank you for the insight. He was never keen on telling me the details but in my inexperienced mind with all this I wanted my husbands little boy to know I cared and was listening. I still do but now I listen to generalities now, like who but the horrible nitty gritty that tv shows are made of stay with the T.

He has told me that he is working on gaining control, and I think he has since I haven't found him in a ball crying on the floor, but I am not sure that has been the case. My problem is that he is a colossal liar. He was always trying to pretend to be better than he is.

It's frustrating because I can deal with everything but the lying, but that is such an engrained part of his mo! He has been "shady" in this department which is why I started the post. Given the level of lying and deceit to date I have no energy or room for it.

My gut is telling me that more is going on and unfortunately my gut hasn't been wrong yet. I am so sad. This cat and mouse game of getting him to tell me what is going on is exhausting.

M gives


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