I am new to this web site, I thought I had been working through stuff and then find that there is more to do. It feels like a long process. I try and be hopeful but at times it is very hard.

I have read a number of the postings here and find that I relate to what people are writing. Today I was reading about WHY. I ask that question all the time. I wonder why didn't anyone help me. I am positive that people knew what was going on but no one stepped in.

I too struggle with relationships and trust. When I was a little kid the safest place for me was in the back of long dark closet. At times I just want to go back into that very safe place, but you know the more I uncover the further the closet gets - I feel frustrated because I can't get that sense of comfort anymore. I just want a place where no one can hurt me. I put on a strong face and work hard at having a very prodcutive life.

I find it very interesting at times I revert back to being that little boy who is filled with fear, shame and guilt. There isn't anything in my life today that I need to fear, or feel shame or guilt about. This is all old stuff it happened over 30 years ago, but I live my life like I am still there where someone is going to brutally hurt and abuse me.

I too struggle with thinking I am crazy, there is no explanation for these strong feelings today. There is an explanation for what it felt like for me as a child.

I guess when you read this posting you can see I am in the midst of all this crap. I want to work through it, I want to have the kind of life that I deserve to have, relationships where there isn't fear, and that sense of comfort. Life does not need to be this hard.

Welcome Goldwick.

I am sorry you need this place, but it is a great place to be, full of understanding, support, and help.


One thing you wrote really struck me:
I think that the explanation for the feelings today is the same one as it was when we were children.

I mean they may seem different, they may find different ways of expression, but I think underneath it's all the same.

So, look around, write, ask what you wish, when you are ready. Many here will understand and offer the best they can to you.

Thanks,
Donald