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#371355 - 09/30/11 01:40 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: zraver]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Landofshadow

You are right the good touch bad touch thing works on kids below say 7. After that with boys at least, the touch can be pleasurable, so whats bad about pleasure.
What we need to get across to Children of a specific age is, that NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO touch you there, and if it makes you feel uncomfortable you MUST TELL.
No we can get into the Mother sometimes touches you there, Daddy sometimes, Doctors sometimes, but mom must be there. There are few reasons why an adult must touch you there, one is sickness, and one is to ONCE or TWICE teach you how to wash there.

We are so busy protecting peoples "right to do" That we are missing the ONE BIG PICTURE, 1 IN 6.

I read interesting research from the UK
79% of all people in recovery programs for addiction, were sexually abused. That is huge.

Keep up the good fight all
We will save children

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#371472 - 10/01/11 09:13 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: whome]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: whome
Landofshadow
I read interesting research from the UK
79% of all people in recovery programs for addiction, were sexually abused. That is huge.


And very often I hear, "They told me not to talk about that, and work on my drinking (addiction) first." Except, if you're coping with the abuse memories by drinking, it's hard to talk that away without providing a new way to cope.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#371486 - 10/02/11 03:00 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: LandOfShadow]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Land of Shadow
I distinctly told the Veterans Mental Health that if we treat the sexual trauma the drinking and marijuana will no longer be a problem. They all wanted to treat the end result and not the source. So l did it all on my own.
Doug

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#402136 - 06/29/12 10:38 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: whome]
colours Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 23
Loc: Australia
Originally Posted By: whome
Landofshadow

You are right the good touch bad touch thing works on kids below say 7. After that with boys at least, the touch can be pleasurable, so whats bad about pleasure.


My Mother and I think we have worked out I was about 5 when i had my first unwanted sexual experience from another little girl being abused, I am female too. It felt pleasurable, I went back for more, I wasnt told not to tell as far as i can remember, but the body language and whispering would have been enough to tell me I was being "naughty". At 5 I wouldnt have known it was "naughty" (seeing this through 5 year old eyes - the term naughty fits), unless she was able to convey that to me in some form, but im pretty sure it wasnt verbal. I just knew not to tell. Its possible i was older, im not certain, but i think i as a little girl was able to feel pleasure at that age, my psychologist agrees.

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#402141 - 06/29/12 11:52 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Gretta]
Kazbob12 Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 42
To all of you who have replied,

This is one of the main reasons children targeted are generally 6plus....The pleasure element... They know it will reel them in... I have looked at a great deal of research by the NSPCC who are pioneering for more therapeutic services and piloting a programme whereby they are going into schools and targeting children in year 5 & 6 so around the 10yrs mark (personally I think this is too late , however there has been a great response and a marked increase in referrals for Child Sexual Abuse)I have had the opportunity t.o join the scheme however dont think this will be possible due to commitments at University. Which has upset me a bit as I'm very passionate about the subject (hence Social Work degree!!)

The issue of counselling and services my partner has also embarked upon... he abuses substances to block out and effectively function on a daily basis.... and believe me he is able to function surprisingly... he has been able to hold down a job, get on with day to day living in general...

Therapy services has stated that he needs to abstain from substances in order to receive counselling for the abuse he endured for over 8yr. But how can he abstain when he relies on these to be able to cope with the abuse and the aftermath.... surely it would be better to start counselling and work on a reduction programme for the substances... then when he begins to heal he will no longer be relient on them.... you need to treat the problem first that causes the behaviour!!

I have spoken to my son (now 7) for the past 2 years about touching, who is allowed to touch, when he should tell if someone has touched him in a way that is wrong or shown him things that are wrong. This mainly came about from the James Bulger incident and wanted to ensure he was as aware as he could be but in an age appropriate way. Also through working in children's services and seeing the volume of children currently suffering abuse.

And then theres my partner...who has completely opened my eyes to the long term effects suffered by victims of these vile and despicable crimes! The pain and suffering, constant living in limbo, feelings of worthlessness and inability to hold down a relationship due to the issues caused by the abuse.

The government and the Law need to readdress the sentencing and punishment of perps and the services and support available to survivors.

I am seriously contemplating writing to the current MP's (as there is a coalition in England at the moment) in order to bring these issues to light.... in a non jargon fashion and lay bear the effects of sexual abuse!

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#402143 - 06/29/12 12:00 PM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Gretta]
Kazbob12 Offline


Registered: 03/19/12
Posts: 42
The UK schools are currently all required to undertake PSHE (Physical Health and Sexual Education) in secondry...so 11 upwards... as well as SEAL (Social and Emotional Awareness lessons) these tackle different subjects on different levels from bullying, healthy eating, sexual identity, and some touch on safe relationships....

I completely agree with everything said.. I want to move into therapeutic services when I qualify as a Social Worker and provide possibly independent services for children and adults who have been abused (emotional, physical and sexual. I live in a relatively medium town in the UK and there is one service that is tailored... for sexual abuse! ONE SERVICE!!

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#402186 - 06/30/12 12:41 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Gretta]
ahyden Offline


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 12
I'm so grateful there are people who are willing to take action to address this problem. It gives me hope for humanity.

I just want to remind you that SA also happens to infants as in my case, and they cannot be educated or tell anyone what happens to them.

But any increase in awareness of SA should be helpful.

Thanks again for caring.

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#441029 - 07/16/13 08:30 AM Re: How do we change 1 out of 6? [Re: Gretta]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 411
Loc: USA
I can only think of one way to fight the problem. For me that will mean speaking in public about what happened to me and how I got help. I'll start at my church and then go anywhere I'm invited to speak to adults there about the signs that I showed during all of that and how no one seemed to notice. Maybe speak at schools (colleges). I'm not quite ready yet as still have stuff to work out in T, but I see speaking as a way to take the bad and turn it to something good. It won't be fun or comfortable, but I think it'll get easier with practice. If I can stop even one kid's life from being what mine was and is, that will make the public embarrassment of crying on stage worth it. I did speak once and only had to stop for a few seconds because of the tears, but people told me what I said made a difference. One guy told me...wow, that happened to me too. Now I know I'm not alone and can get help. That made it worth it.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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