hi, im feel a bit lost in all of this. what question can i ask that can let me know if im straight or gay that does not involve be molested? one minute i act straight feel straight, but lately i've been walking up feeling a bit gay.

I as many other men molested as a preteen by another male had a huge issue with determining if I was gay or did it make me gay.

For me I had a personal revelation that I think will help me heal as a person and it is not to focus on being gay, bi or straight.

I had a profound insight to the fact I never developed and identity as a sexual being/person. I was only about 6/7 when the full sexual abuse started. For me this set a pattern of seeking that intense sexual feeling and acceptance from my peers and older boys in the only way I knew which was to give my body and to please them as they wanted in this way I could feel loved and accepted and have that intimate body contact my pleasure receptors wanted.

So never having developed an identity as a sexual being/person I had great shame every time I thought about sex and all sex acts filled me with shame as soon as they were done because once they are done I was not needed anymore.

Today I am just trying to claim my identity as a sexual being/person one who has a right to integrate their sexual side with their other personality. I don't have to feel bad when people talk about sex or I see it on TV or read about it because it is normal to acknowledge I have a sexual side to me and it is not what defines me but only a part of who I am as is my hair color or eye color.

So am I Bi, Gay or Straight? I will find out when I claim my normal sexual identity that every person has when they have not been abused before they could develop one be they Bi, Gay or Straight.

This is just my take on it for me... Thank You

For men who were traumatically introduced to sex at a far too young age, there is a lot for us to untangle about the messages we received, the experiences we had, and the isolation and shame it all brought us. Sexuality is what we are born with and what survives thabuse even if it is locked up or hidden away. Abusive sex is what we were all taught by our perps.

Knowing that real sexuality is good, affirming, and connects us intimately with our deeper selves and others was somethingi I had to learn. Being faithful to myself and one person is what made it work for me.

THAT is a far more important a question to work out the answer for.

Seconding the advice you've already received - CSA is like having another radio broadcasting on your frequency. It's too hard to tune out that noise to hear what you are really thinking and feeling. I recommend doing some work to get the CSA stuff tuned out and then your true sexuality should be just ... kinda ... there.

Hope that helps.

~S

hello i feel the sameway now i am just coming to terms about what happend to me at a very young age,i keep feeling that i was never given the chance to form my own identity,i have lived the majority of my adult life as aa gay man because i thought thats who i was but i can't stop asking myself the same questions over and over since i have joined this site and realized that i am not alone,i can't stop thinking now,am i seeking out men to relive the abuse or am i truely a gay man,i had a man tell me here to not label here and to follow my heart and everything else will fall into place and i understand that,to me now and that might change in time,to me now i feel like its like being switched at birth and living a life for many years only to be told later in life that the life u know isn't the life that u should have had if that makes any sense.

This speaks volumes!!! I left my wife and kids 21 years ago believing I had to act on the feelings I was having.

Avery

Hi, my fraternal brothers.

I am a victim of female incest "mom."

I adopted my male sexual abuser to become the parent(s) that I never had. I genuinely fell in love with him emotionally & mentally. I believe that he just might have truly loved me too.

For me, now as an adult. Having come out from the closet that I have kept myself in for most of my life. I was a gay boy/man.

The proof of being either straight or gay during my lifetime. Comes from the knowledge of where my total being comes together.

I was married now(separated)from a woman for 38 years. She was the second of two females that i have had sex with in my life. Excluding my "mom."

When she came to one of my first T sessions after all this CSA stuff came to the surface. I let her and my T do all the talking. I sure got an earful. I had given her no emotional nor mental support. She had given me 100% of herself plus two fine sons. How come doctor Pete has tons of emotions and love for his sons, grandsons & his military buddies? But none for me? Love for males only?

I had told them that for me there was no emotional, mental or sexual connection for females.
They have never given me the the intimate, emotional, physical, mental & sexual connections that I have received from males.

So, my wife in all of her knowledge and feelings about me had seen things in me that I hadn't seen or acknowledged.
She said to me before I just walked out from her life forever,
"So you want to leave me and go marry a man." I had never given her an outward signal nor cheated on her to make her think anything of the sort. But she had seen something in me that I hadn't up to that time.

Gay or straight?
Where are you totally in sync with yourself, emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually in mind body & soul?

With males or females? Perhaps there is where will find your answer.

Fortunately I have found myself. I am at peace with myself. As I really didn't know me until now.

Long winded. I hope that this might be of a help to my brothers here.

Wishing you well in healing and in finding yourself.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

yes avery i know those feelings all too well now,i do hope one day i will be able to find myself and find some sort of inner peace like u have, with being new in accepting this the feelings and emotions are so raw still, thats what i feel i am having the hardest time with right now,i have realized in this short time of being here there are no real cut and dried answers for me right now,thats something i am gonna have to seek professional help for,and i realize that.