I can't say anything that would help you, unless you are ready to hear it. So i wont give you any advice.
Just know that you are cared about and that you matter to me. I will love you in a good and positive way, until you can love yourself. You are worth it, as we all are. You are in a bad place mentally and it seems physically, and so it is difficult to understand the good things the other guys are trying to tell you.
I know the pain and i know the isolation. It is real and you are enmeshed in it right now. Hang on buddy, don't let go. Keep coming back and try to listen to what people are trying to help you with. Oops, that was advice; can't avoid it I guess.