Dunno, man. Like I said - sometimes the triggers feel like a splinter that's just below your skin. You know it's there and you feel like 'this time, I should be able to get it.'
For times like this where things really clicked, there were 100 times where things didn't come together and I had to accept with a lot of sadness and regret, that I had to let it go for now.
What I can say, if you're struggling to make sense of your feelings, is that acting out with porn or masturbation or anything else invariably does not resolve any issues for you. It doesn't give you any clarity, doesn't help you understand anything better. If it does anything, it covers your thoughts with guilt for allowing those concepts to control you one more time.
It's your choice if you want to masturbate or watch porn ... I'm simply pointing out what hasn't worked for me.