Bien Venidos Carlos!
My name is rafael and my Spanish is not fluent. I am so sorry for what was done to you. I too am a survivor as are many who visit and post to this site. Keep coming back. It does help to communicate with other male survivors even in this limited way.
I suggest you look into getting help to heal the wounds from your ordeal. Professional therapy, support groups, reading materials (i.e. the book "Victims no Longer"), etc. Keep a smile on your face amigo. And, may our gods strengthen and bless us all. Sincerely,